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How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

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Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#121

Post by voidwtf »

rokkitmensch wrote: post #100
voidwtf wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You're operating under the incorrect assumption that a polyamorous relationship links all partners involved directly. I believe it's more common in polyamorous relationships that each individual in the relationship has their own partner(s). For instance A has partners B and C, but B and C are aware of each other but not interested in being partners. B and C may also have their own individual partner(s), and so on. I…

"kitchen-table" polyamory is somewhat less frequent, although difficult to negotiate away if folks have kids in the picture.

"kitchen-table" polyamory does not imply that partner(s) are intimately involved with one-another. Just that they can amicably share the same space at times, whether that be a birthday party, a friendly dinner, or board game night. Personally I would hope that any partner(s) feel comfortable speaking to one another and being in the same space if the situation merits it, but it's not for everyone.

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#122

Post by tbrownaw »

MichaelZuo wrote: post #106
voidwtf wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Pretty common in the Tampa area, but it's definitely an iykyk type of thing. If you don't pass the vibe check it's not something that will be brought up in casual discussion.

What is 'an iykyk type of thing"?

"if you know, you know"

Which from context apparently means it's secretly everywhere, and just can't be measured because outsiders aren't told.

(I usually just see that phrase in reference to in-jokes.)

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#123

Post by some_furry »

bitshiftfaced wrote: post #92
some_furry wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The risk of STDs in a closed poly relationship isn't any different than a closed monogamous relationship.

Each person carries some chance of carrying an STI. Some people aren't aware of their status or may deliberately hide it. For those two probabilistic variables alone, while the absolute risk may be small, it's still at least double that of 2-people relationships. If someone is more likely to enter a 3-person relationship after leaving another 3-person relationship, you have added network effects increasing the risk.…

You're assuming ceteris paribus, but that isn't a given.

People in poly relationships tend to know their status better than monogamous cohorts. Thus, even if one partner has an incurable STI, they're usually aware that they have it, and keep their viral load undetectable (which prevents transmission), so the factors round the risk down to the same very low range, despite more people involved.

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#124

Post by voidwtf »

MichaelZuo wrote: post #106
voidwtf wrote: post #30

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Pretty common in the Tampa area, but it's definitely an iykyk type of thing. If you don't pass the vibe check it's not something that will be brought up in casual discussion.

What is 'an iykyk type of thing"?

iykyk is shorthand for "if you know, you know", and I just mean that groups tend to grow around or inclusive of certain subcultures. So people in a given lifestyle are more likely to associate with other people who are at least familiar with that lifestyle. Imagine it like a Venn diagram. I don't go out of my way to spend time around, or make friends with, people who would judge me for my lifestyle.

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#125

Post by drekipus »

ben_w wrote: post #48
drekipus wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you felt secure in the relationship you probably wouldn't feel the need. The desire for novelty comes from bored or unfulfilled from your current relationship, which would contest the "security" of the relationship if it is impossible to live without it.

I have access to far more food than I can physically (let alone healthily) eat. That I am clearly fulfilled with my existing diet doesn't stop me from trying new things on the menu, nor new restaurants with entirely new menus. And the desire to try new things doesn't imply that the absence of them is "impossible to live without" — even back out of metaphor land and back to human sexuality, lot of gay people used to l…

A person isn't a food item, and "formally straight" relationships (including marriages) fall apart, obviously because that person isn't straight anymore..

Which is my point: the relationship isn't "secure" if you're to find out that you're actually gay.

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#126

Post by ferbivore »

Quinzel wrote: post #62
ferbivore wrote: post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You might find it difficult to stay secure when your partner says you’re no longer good enough. Of course, some people don’t seem to mind this much. Or maybe this fancy new Bay Area “polyamory” memeplex works really well. I find it hard to imagine any amount of coping strategies could dull the pain for me.

Thinking that your partner is suddenly going to think you’re not good enough because they see other people is an insecure kind of line of thought and the sort of thought processes that breed jealousy IMO. Being sexually exclusive doesn’t prevent people from falling out of love and moving on. People in monogamous relationships still sometimes decide their partners are not good enough, or they get bored, or whatever…

You can't just choose not to feel a certain way. It's quite difficult, and often a bad idea besides. Feelings aren't meaningless noise.

We might have different ideas of security. If you don't value monogamy anyway, maybe your security isn't threatened much by your partner deciding you aren't good enough for it.

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#127

Post by voidwtf »

hnthrowaway6543 wrote: post #120
voidwtf wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's a fairly dark view and I think a misunderstanding of what polyamory is. Couples looking to non-monogamy to solve their relationship issues is not what polyamory is, that's not healthy. Non-monogamy != Polyamory, ethical or otherwise. While polyamory takes many forms, all of them include mutual respect and communication between partners. Polyamory is having love for one or more individuals and actively being in…

You're gatekeeping a lot here. I realize that some poly people are much more dedicated to the lifestyle and truly believe in being able to maintain multiple partners. But there's no way to distinguish between that and the "we've been married for 3 years but we're turning poly" case, nor do you or I have the authority to say that's not really polyamory.

You're right, I could have worded that better. I was trying to battle the stigma that polyamory is sanctioned infidelity.

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#128

Post by coffeedan »

voidwtf wrote: post #85
hnthrowaway6543 wrote: post #57

> How Did Polyamory Become So Popular? Housing prices. Seriously. Polyamory is on the rise, and divorces are at a 50-year low[0]. This isn't a coincidence. Where a couple would have divorced in the past, it now is financially infeasible in many cases. Living with a partner you're no longer compatible sucks, but not being able to afford rent sucks worse. So couples are pulling out all the stops to be not-divorced, inc…

That's a fairly dark view and I think a misunderstanding of what polyamory is. Couples looking to non-monogamy to solve their relationship issues is not what polyamory is, that's not healthy. Non-monogamy != Polyamory, ethical or otherwise. While polyamory takes many forms, all of them include mutual respect and communication between partners. Polyamory is having love for one or more individuals and actively being in…

>> Polyamory is having love for one or more individuals and actively being in a relationship with those individuals.

Shouldn’t “one or more” be “more than one”? Or else there’s a whole lot more polyamorous folks out there…

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#129

Post by 16bytes »

drekipus wrote: post #11
Quinzel wrote: post #7

If I felt secure in a relationship, having a partner that wants to experiment with others/date others wouldn’t really bother me. Everyone likes a little novelty from time to time.

If you felt secure in the relationship you probably wouldn't feel the need. The desire for novelty comes from bored or unfulfilled from your current relationship, which would contest the "security" of the relationship if it is impossible to live without it.

Being broadly critical of something outside of heteronormative behavior is ok.

Telling somebody you don't know in a situation that you aren't familiar with that they aren't secure in their relationship comes off as ignorant at best.

Especially since OP describes something on the more casual side of the ENM spectrum as opposed to full fledged polyamory.

Re: How Did Polyamory Become So Popular?

#130

Post by MisterBastahrd »

krisoft wrote: post #80
MisterBastahrd wrote: post #33

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The question is a lie at face value. Polyamory isn't popular at all. It's just not as much of a taboo as it used to be. There's a giant difference between "what would your opinion of someone be if they were in an open relationship" and "would YOU want an open relationship?" The first has nothing to do with you personally past your opinion of how you would relate to someone else.

> Polyamory isn't popular at all. “Become so popular” is about a relative change in popularity, not about absolute numbers. Almost everyone eats breakfast, yet nobody would say it “become so popular”. On the other hand if a very obscure thing becomes a bit less obscure that can be aptly described as becoming popular. > It's just not as much of a taboo as it used to be. Yes, that is what the article says too.

Not sure what you're even trying to get at here.

Eating breakfast is popular.

Polyamory is not only unpopular, but even if it doubled in popularity every year for the next 5 years, it'd still be vastly unpopular.

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