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Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

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Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#121

Post by wellthisisgreat »

jacquesm wrote: post #54
smohnot wrote: post #35

Mr. Rogers was my actual neighbor in Pittsburgh in 1999-2000, while I was at CMU. He would really go out of his way to have social interactions. He would always say hello and ask how you were doing in a way that felt like he actually genuinely wanted to know the answer. Case of the person in real life being exactly like what he seems like on TV.

This is one thing that always got me about the United States: people will ask you how you are doing, but they don't actually mean it, it's just a required pre-amble, a bit like the tones a modem uses to sync up with the other end. If he did it in a way that he actually genuinely wanted to know the answer that alone would set him apart in a very distinctive way. Most people really don't want to know the answer, but th…

it's a good culture tbh, gives you a chance to avoid the interaction if you don't feel like it, or get into it if you want to have a chat.

- How are you doing? - How are you doing?

- How are you doing? - Well, you know, yesterday..

both are equally socially acceptable

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#122

Post by nemo44x »

foobarian wrote: post #97
nemo44x wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Yes, that's exactly right. A town needs to be designed in a way that encourages walking. Shops to walk to, trains for commuting, a certain density, etc. Walking create so many opportunities to see people regularly without planning and to become comfortable with each other and it grows from there. Multiply that by everyone else doing it and you do get a real sense of community. > Large parts of America have chosen for…

I think it's because immigrants who came over from Europe wanted castles, not hovels. And that's what they got.

Well, there’s lots of land making land ownership very attainable.

During the 1930s and 1940s very little was built. And what was built was seldomly maintained. So after the war there were a lot of people living in old, outdated, cramped, and expensive apartments and tenements in cities.

Suddenly materials were plentiful and there was a lot of available land. The economics of it were such that you could get a car and a home outside the city for less than an apartment inside. And the living conditions were so much better. People still had their bigger families and community bond in their new neighborhoods.

But over time that was lost and we were left with the isolated towns that need a car to get anywhere and there’s no community connection as the new development doubled down on bigger houses, bigger lots, more cars.

I live in an old pre-war town. Most every home was built before 1930 and most around the turn of the century. Lots of walkable shops and a train runs through. There are many old towns like this and they’re wonderful. They also tend to be expensive nowadays.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#123

Post by zo1 »

jacquesm wrote: post #54
smohnot wrote: post #35

Mr. Rogers was my actual neighbor in Pittsburgh in 1999-2000, while I was at CMU. He would really go out of his way to have social interactions. He would always say hello and ask how you were doing in a way that felt like he actually genuinely wanted to know the answer. Case of the person in real life being exactly like what he seems like on TV.

This is one thing that always got me about the United States: people will ask you how you are doing, but they don't actually mean it, it's just a required pre-amble, a bit like the tones a modem uses to sync up with the other end. If he did it in a way that he actually genuinely wanted to know the answer that alone would set him apart in a very distinctive way. Most people really don't want to know the answer, but th…

The entire world probably has the equivalent of "how are you" in every which language available. Not sure where you're going with this "take" on American culture.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#124

Post by klipt »

hutzlibu wrote: post #62
klipt wrote: post #51

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There have always been hermits even before modern times, but I agree it's a high risk life strategy. Loners are probably much more likely to die of say, having a heart attack and not receiving help promptly.

"Loners are probably much more likely to die of say, having a heart attack and not receiving help promptly." On the other hand, loners won't get a heart attack caused by other people ..

"People who experienced social isolation had a 32% higher risk of dying early from any cause compared with those who weren't socially isolated."

https://amp.cnn.com/cnn/2023/06/19/health/loneliness-social-...

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#125

Post by scruple »

jacquesm wrote: post #54
smohnot wrote: post #35

Mr. Rogers was my actual neighbor in Pittsburgh in 1999-2000, while I was at CMU. He would really go out of his way to have social interactions. He would always say hello and ask how you were doing in a way that felt like he actually genuinely wanted to know the answer. Case of the person in real life being exactly like what he seems like on TV.

This is one thing that always got me about the United States: people will ask you how you are doing, but they don't actually mean it, it's just a required pre-amble, a bit like the tones a modem uses to sync up with the other end. If he did it in a way that he actually genuinely wanted to know the answer that alone would set him apart in a very distinctive way. Most people really don't want to know the answer, but th…

I think it's less that people don't actually want to know than it is that people don't actually want to share. But I'm from the Midwest, originally, and that's just kind of how we are.

Expanding on this just a little bit... I think that, in the Midwest but I'm sure in many other distinct American cultural regions, there's a sort of shared, but subdued, understanding that each of us is uniquely going through some shit. We answer the way we do because we don't want to trouble others with said shit.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#126

Post by gattilorenz »

jacquesm wrote: post #120
kibwen wrote: post #91

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In linguistics these are called "phatic expressions", and are far from unique to American English. Similar to idioms, phatic expressions don't have the literal meaning implied by their component words and instead serve a social purpose (in this case, serving to signify the beginning of a communication protocol). In British English the analogous phrase would be "you alright?" https://youtube.com/watch?v=eGnH0KAXhCw

Interesting: so this is one of those things where my ESL background is shining through. I'm sure if I introspect on Dutch I'll find equivalents that I might be using myself which when literally translated to English would upset an English or American counterpart in the same way. Never thought of this. And I didn't know the term Phatic Expression. Thank you for posting this and the video link.

“Graag gedaan” (“you’re welcome”, “my pleasure”, but more lit. “I did it with pleasure”) can be dropped quite casually, right?

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#127

Post by jacquesm »

gattilorenz wrote: post #126
jacquesm wrote: post #120

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Interesting: so this is one of those things where my ESL background is shining through. I'm sure if I introspect on Dutch I'll find equivalents that I might be using myself which when literally translated to English would upset an English or American counterpart in the same way. Never thought of this. And I didn't know the term Phatic Expression. Thank you for posting this and the video link.

“Graag gedaan” (“you’re welcome”, “my pleasure”, but more lit. “I did it with pleasure”) can be dropped quite casually, right?

Yes, but it actually does have meaning, and it is appreciated for that meaning rather than ignored.

Conversely:Americans probably think I'm rude because I don't first ask them how they are but start the actual conversation without pre-amble.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#128

Post by AlbertCory »

jacquesm wrote: post #115
AlbertCory wrote: post #112

Earlier quoted context omitted.

a mind reader? no, it's fairly clear in your writing.

Forgive me if I think you're offensive. If it would please you to ignore my writings and refrain from commenting from now on that would help to reduce the discomfort. Unbelievable.

If you don't want comments, you can always refrain from commenting yourself. It'll save you from "offensive" replies. Try it.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#129

Post by calibas »

tgv wrote: post #81
Cpoll wrote: post #4

> As part of the Gallup National Health and Well-Being Index, saying hello to more than 1 neighbor was shown to correlate with greater self-perception of well-being. So this wasn't a study. As far as I can tell, the results can just as easily be summarized as "people who report higher well-being are more likely to greet neighbours." This is probably just the article to blame, the quotes they pick use words like "corr…

> I find the five vs. six distinction rather interesting though. What's up with that? There's no reasonable mechanism in which greeting people causes well-being. So asking why it caps out at 6 makes no sense, unless you implicitly want to call out their bullshit. It's just another vague correlation in a overinterpreted study of noisy data.

> There's no reasonable mechanism in which greeting people causes well-being.

Socializing increases well-being, and greeting someone is socializing.

Re: Mister Rogers had a point – routinely greeting six neighbors maximizes wellbeing

#130

Post by midasuni »

jacquesm wrote: post #82
midasuni wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You may be, I may be not. That doesn’t lead to any conclusion than “some people like other people” I’ve never need to rely on anyone, other than of course normal economic transactions. Why would I park my car in a ditch?

> I’ve never need to rely on anyone, other than of course normal economic transactions. That's funny. You are relying on thousands of other people every day, all day long. you just don't realize it. And not all of those are economic transactions there is plenty of goodwill involved. For instance, you rely on other people not to kill you when you are driving. Every time a stranger saves your bacon when you make a mist…

Those are normal expectation of living in society. Talking you your neighbour is not.

I’m sure it was decades ago in the curtain twitching world where people stayed living int he same street for decades, but not today in a highly movable world. Certainly not for me any my peers. any interactions I make are slot my own choosing, that I happen to live near someone is of no consequence.

If I did park my car in a ditch there a plethora of recovery services that will retrieve it, whether I’m a mile from home of 200 miles from home. I have no need or desire to know anything about the recovery driver, or the pilot who flew the plane I was last on, or the guy who delivers my mail, nor the plumber who replaced my boiler last year.

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