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A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

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Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#111

Post by xynelius »

pedalpete wrote: post #104

My initial reaction, which the author briefly mentions, is how to know what you want. This is something I've been questioning lately. Do I want what I want? Or are social influences making me think this is what I want?

It's not bad that your desires are influenced by what others want (it's inevitable, we're social animals), but understanding how those influences work is part of understanding your desires and what's behind them.

Personally, I would be miserable if the people around me didn't approve of me, even if it's for their own selfish reasons.

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#112

Post by pdfernhout »

Mezzie wrote: post #19
safety1st wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Some people, no matter how they work to build a startup, are blocked from success by external factors, on which they can do nothing. What are the factors specifically? How are you defining success? My definition is "You built a profitable business" and there are so many small businesses doing this across the world, I can't really think of external factors that are true deal breakers except perhaps very bad health,…

Not who you responded to, but I have a disability (Multiple Sclerosis) that pretty much precludes me from building a successful business. Starting a successful, profitable business usually requires both working around the clock at first in order to establish it and the ability to forego health insurance/healthcare for a period of time. If I'm lucky I have 10 functioning hours a day and I need to make money to not sta…

You probably know this, but Dr. Terry Wahls, MD, and Nicole Apelian, PhD herbalist are two professionals with MS who have used diet and such to manage their MS.

See also Dr. Joel Fuhrman: https://www.drfuhrman.com/health-concerns/9/multiple-scleros... His plan also has a lot of success with reducing or eliminating migraines for many people.

Best of luck with managing MS.

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#113

Post by theaussiestew »

fasterik wrote: post #68
theaussiestew wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I used to believe in Effective Altruism but the older I get the more I realise that it’s just another “feel good” philanthropy for rich people movement with completely warped values around so called rationality, utilitarianism and technological saviour complexes. If one reads the website and the projects accomplished most of them are completely vapid. Malaria nets? AI assignment research? Some high brow research inst…

This seems like an overly cynical take. Malaria nets have saved hundreds of thousands of lives. You can be critical of some areas of EA, but it's hard to deny that organizations like Against Malaria Foundation and GiveWell are doing a lot of good in the world. What's wrong with donating with the goal of maximizing lives saved per dollar?

Saving lives is a good thing but I just have a gut feeling against this traditional image of “doing good” due to my experience with working with many charities and seeing first hand how useless the majority of them are. It’s not about quantifying their impact, it’s understanding the whole mentality is completely wrong, so movements like GiveWell don’t really change much. Philanthropy is about helping others, when the people helping don’t even have their own stuff sorted out. Classic archetype repeated through history and fiction is similar to the Man in Black from Westworld. Rich dude who feeds his ego and avoids his inner landscape and crumbling family by being a saviour. Why do people jump at volunteering in Africa when their own countries and neighbours are in shambles? Case in point, San Francisco. I don’t doubt that a lot of good has come from EA but my impression is it’s just an incremental evolution of traditional philanthropy, which is basically 90% rich people trying to make themselves feel better and ingratiate themselves with other rich people. Real change also comes from certain charities but they’re much more focused on empowering people and loving them, rather than some lofty ideological goals around AI alignment. When most of your country is struggling paycheck to paycheck, most people will see an excessive focus on these abstract concepts as very out of touch. The malaria nets weren’t the best examples but the rest of the projects demonstrate what I mean. Source: Working in the space.

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#114

Post by theaussiestew »

jamilton wrote: post #75
theaussiestew wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I used to believe in Effective Altruism but the older I get the more I realise that it’s just another “feel good” philanthropy for rich people movement with completely warped values around so called rationality, utilitarianism and technological saviour complexes. If one reads the website and the projects accomplished most of them are completely vapid. Malaria nets? AI assignment research? Some high brow research inst…

What's your thought process on malaria nets being vapid? It's not structural change, but (statistically) saving a life for ~$6k (I think that's their estimate? Or was at some point) is amazing, and very "real". I don't have any experience with the actual culture of EA, but the concept and the philanthropy itself seems at least as good as other charities or mission-focused organizations.

I replied to this in my other comment

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#115

Post by teleforce »

matheusmoreira wrote: post #43
xyzelement wrote: post #2

> Quite often a reasonable, achievable, and worthwhile desire goes unpursued because we have a simultaneous desire to not pursue it. When we say something is “impossible” or “too hard” or “not in the cards,” that’s a clue. This resonates. Many who are stuck frustrated not getting what they want have talked themselves out of trying to get it to begin with. A good another clue is 3rd party attribution. "My life is bad…

Ask for the moon and you'll be surprised by how often you get it.

It's a cliche and people normally hate this statement, the truth is only a small portions of those what you want are overlapping with what you really needs, most of people are spending most of their efforts and time pursuing the non-overlapping sections.

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#116

Post by inconceivable »

habinero wrote: post #106
inconceivable wrote: post #77

Earlier quoted context omitted.

yeah, guys working on improving themselves is pretty creepy, especially when they talk about it on the internet. and how would you know they're trying to become a more confident, well dressed, decisive and assertive version of themselves, anyway? 9. never tell women you are working on this stuff actively because it is extremely creepy to them that you are trying to pull yourself up from being unattractive. above comm…

No, trying to better yourself is fine. Following that advice isn't bettering yourself, you're essentially just doing the human version of SEO. You aren't becoming a better or kinder or more interesting person, nor are you working on your ability to make real human connections with others. And a lot of you will say, so what? If it gets me a girlfriend, what does it matter? These are the dudes who get dumped or divorce…

> These are the dudes who get dumped or divorced and never see it coming

no, i do believe you have it exactly backwards.

you're also just making up straw man arguments like "can't connect with people". i didn't even mention that, or hobbies, or charity, or anything. pure fiction in your mind.

you see a post about 'self improvement' and your mind just fills in the blanks with your own assumptions. you probably didn't actually read half the post.

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#117

Post by habinero »

inconceivable wrote: post #116
habinero wrote: post #106

Earlier quoted context omitted.

No, trying to better yourself is fine. Following that advice isn't bettering yourself, you're essentially just doing the human version of SEO. You aren't becoming a better or kinder or more interesting person, nor are you working on your ability to make real human connections with others. And a lot of you will say, so what? If it gets me a girlfriend, what does it matter? These are the dudes who get dumped or divorce…

> These are the dudes who get dumped or divorced and never see it coming no, i do believe you have it exactly backwards. you're also just making up straw man arguments like "can't connect with people". i didn't even mention that, or hobbies, or charity, or anything. pure fiction in your mind. you see a post about 'self improvement' and your mind just fills in the blanks with your own assumptions. you probably didn't…

Oh, I read it. I'm commenting on what you chose to emphasize and what you left out, because that speaks volumes about what you value.

Almost all of the advice was around superficial, self-centered things.

All of it was about you getting something you want, and none of it was about being a net positive in someone else's life.

It comes off as cold and selfish.

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#118

Post by Gud »

TeMPOraL wrote: post #83
allenu wrote: post #58

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's funny because the idea of "if you didn't succeed, you didn't try hard enough" is a cornerstone of the self-help industry and the charlatans peddling various self-improvement systems. If anybody follows their system and doesn't succeed, well, they either didn't try hard enough or they really didn't follow the plan as it was laid out. It's a foolproof way to show the next sucker that your system works.

Also the cornerstone of recommending diet and exercise as health advice.

I mean, to me it seems obvious that what you put into your body will either have a positive or detrimental effect on your body. Why wouldn’t diet and exercise be the cornerstones of having a healthy life?

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#119

Post by inconceivable »

habinero wrote: post #117
inconceivable wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> These are the dudes who get dumped or divorced and never see it coming no, i do believe you have it exactly backwards. you're also just making up straw man arguments like "can't connect with people". i didn't even mention that, or hobbies, or charity, or anything. pure fiction in your mind. you see a post about 'self improvement' and your mind just fills in the blanks with your own assumptions. you probably didn't…

Oh, I read it. I'm commenting on what you chose to emphasize and what you left out, because that speaks volumes about what you value. Almost all of the advice was around superficial, self-centered things. All of it was about you getting something you want, and none of it was about being a net positive in someone else's life. It comes off as cold and selfish.

yeah, so you took something i didn't say, and just made it up. you even gave me an opinion on this made up topic. that's called a straw man. that's the literal definition of one. i know, you're probably the kind of person who doesn't usually commit logical fallacies. except when you do, of course. either way:

be fit, make money, don't be needy, dress well, be good at sex, work hard to overcome height/race, move past breakups, keep working to improve.

these are somehow selfish? HAHA okay buddy. then again, hey you know you could NOT follow my advice, and

be fat, broke, needy, schlubby, lame at sex, lazy, heartbroken, and give up.

Re: A complete guide to getting what you want (2018)

#120

Post by inconceivable »

habinero wrote: post #110
patrick451 wrote: post #95

Earlier quoted context omitted.

And what would you rather they do? Just "be themselves"? That advice is one of the primary root causes of the incel epidemic.

The problem is y'all keep trying to run last century's playbook. Relationships are no longer transactional. The age of the breadwinner and provider are over. Women are no longer forced to stay home while you toil in the mines or whatever. You're optional. Because you're optional, you need to be more desirable than no relationship and frankly, a lot of you aren't.

> Relationships are no longer transactional

LOL. buddy. i've got some news for you.

the fact that you can't actually point to a single thing i said (not something you just made up out of thin air) and claim it is actually WRONG, means you're just angry at my opinion.

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