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Dating, education, and sex ratios

robkhenderson.com

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Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#241

Post by dahwolf »

chongli wrote: post #58
redmerchant2 wrote: post #38

This is a known issue but the down stream effect won’t be felt for a while. Let’s be clear we’re talking about general behavioral trend, not trying to police an individual, which is the crux of contention for these topics. Many women still hold on to the idea of finding a partner that is wealthier and more educated. This is due to the past (over)reliance of their partners for stability. But this is no longer true. Th…

I think it’ll sort itself out fairly quickly. Women who refuse to “date down” will find themselves getting older and lonelier. They’ll open themselves up to more potential partners because long term loneliness is much worse than status anxiety (and people tend to lose their status anxiety as they get older).

I don't think so. My anecdotal experience in life is that people tend to settle in their beliefs somewhere in their 30s, and will stick to it even if it's a type of self harm.

Both men and women will turn bitter and simply opt-out for life. Not all, but many. Women that do this tend to be better off than men, as they have a type of alternative support network whilst many men do not.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#242

Post by duxup »

friend_and_foe wrote: post #161

All the data is good, but the way it is framed is a bit misleading. First, lets get one thing straight: dysfunction in the dating world negatively affects both men and women. So framing it as "men floundering, women most affected" is disingenuous. What is it about the prospects a man has that he has no desire to become desirable? If men's lives are less rewarding wouldn't it be them, not the women, that are the most…

> come on. This has got to be the most surface level trope quality take I've seen

Is it a trope?

The article goes on to explain that they found men less willing to exchange leisure time for other activities.

It’s not just a one off line with no explanation.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#243

Post by dahwolf »

analog31 wrote: post #91
keiferski wrote: post #52

I read a book awhile ago called Shall the Religious Inherit the Earth? , which basically argues that cultures which strongly promote traditional values, having children, etc. will evolutionarily outcompete groups that don’t. It made me think that there must be a kind of cycle in human societies, where certain social values (like the ones mentioned in the article) are able to become popular for a short period of time…

This only makes sense if quantity of population matters more than quality.

No, it doesn't. That's exactly the problem. It seems the more "quality", whatever that means, the less people reproduce, thus society falls apart.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#244

Post by politician »

Dalewyn wrote: post #163
nokeya wrote: post #134

Remember Japan. People just don’t need each other anymore. They are good alone - in gaming, leisure or travelling. More and more businesses are switching to single-oriented service.

Hard agree, I have no intentions of marrying let alone having children. I'm perfectly happy living my life going my way and my way alone as I see fit. Most human relations are straight bullshit and just aren't worth my time and energy in an age when there's so much to do, so much to see, and so little time. The people moaning about marriage and birth rates can go pound sand.

I respect your individual right to this attitude, but consider that the wonders you enjoy today are sustained by a population of a particular size. As populations contract, the number of places that support the activities and adventures you want to have will necessarily contract as well. Imagine a campfire, throughout the night you'll have to move the dwindling coals closer together if you can't add more wood.

So, on an individual basis, this "alone and my way" approach is valid, but if adopted at scale it begins to look parasitic.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#245

Post by lolsal »

mrj wrote: post #116
thowaway6060 wrote: post #43

I mean the research is nice, but I don't think that just a degree is going to up your chances. As someone who is using these apps constantly, I don't have any hope of finding a long term partner on there. I am on pretty much every app, except Tinder (Bumble, Hinge, okcupid, pof and even muzmatch (im south asian)). I have a bachelors, and I make good money. I've been told that I am a decent looking guy and I have quit…

I'm getting married next month, a relationship started from a date found in possibly the worst of all the apps (Match, if you can believe it). I dated for a lot of years and, despite having some positives outlined by this article, I was also divorced and have a son. That made it massively more difficult to find a long term match given that many women flatly reject that combo. I learned though to be upfront. About you…

I was widowed after 15 years and I have been using dating apps for the last few years and in my experience you are absolutely correct on pretty much everything.

I know who I am and what I like. I advertise that on my profile and I take folks on dates that I like to do by myself. I’ve had a lot of success with relationships of all different lengths and levels of casual-ness.

If you are a dude in the dating pool and you are positioning yourself as what you think women want, you’re doing yourself a disservice.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#246

Post by dahwolf »

yardie wrote: post #98

Hear me out. But maybe guys have discovered what women haven't. That higher education isn't the be all and end all to social status except to others who seek or have it. I have many friends who started working right out of high school in the trades. Now we have MOOCs, bootcamps, trades, and certifications. And the value of locking yourself out of the job market for 4 years while and paying 100s of thousands of dollar…

I don't think that's the reason why guys are falling behind in education but I do agree that a career-focused lifestyle isn't exactly the paradise some people think it is.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#247

Post by shrimp_emoji »

akomtu wrote: post #230
keiferski wrote: post #52

I read a book awhile ago called Shall the Religious Inherit the Earth? , which basically argues that cultures which strongly promote traditional values, having children, etc. will evolutionarily outcompete groups that don’t. It made me think that there must be a kind of cycle in human societies, where certain social values (like the ones mentioned in the article) are able to become popular for a short period of time…

Hinduist "four ugas" capture this idea very well: the golden age when strong and good create values, the silver age when weak and good uphold the values, the bronze age when weak with sloppy morals let the values decline, the iron age when strong and evil destroy the values. I doubt that the current situation with marriage institute is seen as a problem by those in power. As we're progressing towards the iron age, th…

Woah. The Ancient Greeks did the metal thing too.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ages_of_Man

Maybe it was an even earlier Proto-Indo-European meme that radiated out to everyone.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#248

Post by lolsal »

Dalewyn wrote: post #163
nokeya wrote: post #134

Remember Japan. People just don’t need each other anymore. They are good alone - in gaming, leisure or travelling. More and more businesses are switching to single-oriented service.

Hard agree, I have no intentions of marrying let alone having children. I'm perfectly happy living my life going my way and my way alone as I see fit. Most human relations are straight bullshit and just aren't worth my time and energy in an age when there's so much to do, so much to see, and so little time. The people moaning about marriage and birth rates can go pound sand.

As food for thought: relationships are often greater than the sum of their parts.

My tribe/community/circle enriches my life well beyond the experiences I could have by myself.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#249

Post by dahwolf »

redmerchant2 wrote: post #60
thowaway6060 wrote: post #43

I mean the research is nice, but I don't think that just a degree is going to up your chances. As someone who is using these apps constantly, I don't have any hope of finding a long term partner on there. I am on pretty much every app, except Tinder (Bumble, Hinge, okcupid, pof and even muzmatch (im south asian)). I have a bachelors, and I make good money. I've been told that I am a decent looking guy and I have quit…

This is mostly for large cities. As someone who’s lived in many big cities like NYC and London, education and pedigree is extremely important. It’s also about the illusion of choice and “settling” for worse. When you know there are attractive Harvard lawyers, why would you bother with some state school government worker? Now there’s no guarantee these women can actually land the first group but why not try? As ration…

Chasing the top is not rational when considering the very rational fact that the top has options.

I'm taken, but if were single, I'd rationally consider myself average-looking to decent. I would not find it rational at all for me to chase a supermodel (if beauty was the selector), I would in fact not try at all. Because rationally, some things are too good to be true.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#250

Post by flippinburgers »

Tagbert wrote: post #24
sho_hn wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Huh. Over here in Europe, we have these discussions all the time. They do get opinionated, of course. But it's not yet taboo.

It's not in the US, but it seems some people have become socially fearful. I think that there is an artificial sense of risk possibly driving by 24x7 news and social media that prey on people's fears and anxieties.

I have a younger sibling who is much younger than me. I would have to disagree and say that they are hypersensitive about conflicting opinions to the point that it could destroy a relationship to have an argument about the wrong subject.
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