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Dating, education, and sex ratios

robkhenderson.com

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Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#161

Post by friend_and_foe »

All the data is good, but the way it is framed is a bit misleading.

First, lets get one thing straight: dysfunction in the dating world negatively affects both men and women. So framing it as "men floundering, women most affected" is disingenuous. What is it about the prospects a man has that he has no desire to become desirable? If men's lives are less rewarding wouldn't it be them, not the women, that are the most affected? We are talking about these mens lives after all.

"They just want to play videogames" come on. This has got to be the most surface level trope quality take I've seen. Maybe men use porn and play videogames not because they'd rather have that than a real relationship, but because modern relationships don't offer much more than that. Maybe men prefer casual sex because that's about the best they can hope for in today's world. Maybe with the divorce rate what it is, the birth rate low, and the social stigma against division of labor to maintain a household, it's not worth it to meet anyone's expectations anymore. Maybe men do desire more and maybe women aren't interested in satisfying those desires either.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#162

Post by monksy »

Volundr wrote: post #151
pizzafeelsright wrote: post #135

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I would not say artificial. An individual with whom I work spoke a common word, with respect, and despite being a respectable term for another person, a term agreed by all parties as acceptable except the offended party, the accused was contacted by HR and advised to no longer use that term. There are other anecdotes of course but this is one example that even the best intentions the accuser is never told their posit…

This anecdote is not only unverifiable (as most are), but vague to the point of uselessness. I don't doubt that there are all sorts of overzealous HR departments out there, but I can also think of all sorts of ways of using "respectable terms for another person" in disrespectful ways, and have met plenty of people far more creative than I am at doing so. And invariably these people will hide behind "I totally meant i…

I've been in multiple organizations now that have the redefinition of whats appropriate. Many times there is training sourced from a third party company that does this.

I've had one organization call the "confederate flag" a form of racism. (For those who haven't been in the US South for a long time, those who display it aren't racist, but many are)

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#163

Post by Dalewyn »

nokeya wrote: post #134

Remember Japan. People just don’t need each other anymore. They are good alone - in gaming, leisure or travelling. More and more businesses are switching to single-oriented service.

Hard agree, I have no intentions of marrying let alone having children.

I'm perfectly happy living my life going my way and my way alone as I see fit. Most human relations are straight bullshit and just aren't worth my time and energy in an age when there's so much to do, so much to see, and so little time.

The people moaning about marriage and birth rates can go pound sand.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#164

Post by mensetmanusman »

scarmig wrote: post #89
sho_hn wrote: post #73

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This doesn't match my experience at all. In my experience, in most adult heterosexual long-term relationships it's usually the female partner who is insisting on long-term planning, financial planning, avoiding frivolous purchases, etc. and are happy if men don't start conflicts over this. Your exaggerated example basically screams "husband material".

Like most traits, I think men have a higher variance in focus on long-term planning than women do. Men are disproportionately both people who don't plan for the next paycheck and FIRE-enthusiasts. If you look at FIRE-oriented online groups, men significantly outnumber women. I think that's what the parent is referring to. And there are fewer women (relative to men) who are willing to take a significant drop in consum…

Women who do this have told me it can sometimes be about 'trying to live life before it is too late'.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#165

Post by visihuge »

friend_and_foe wrote: post #161

All the data is good, but the way it is framed is a bit misleading. First, lets get one thing straight: dysfunction in the dating world negatively affects both men and women. So framing it as "men floundering, women most affected" is disingenuous. What is it about the prospects a man has that he has no desire to become desirable? If men's lives are less rewarding wouldn't it be them, not the women, that are the most…

Many of these kinds of articles are always seem to be slanted in how it negatively affects women. Women desiring more successful partners, yet men aren't keeping up. I'd be interested if there was any good article broaching that subject more, instead of remarkably pithy answers like "it's those damn video games."

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#166

Post by ryanwaggoner »

dnissley wrote: post #147
maxsilver wrote: post #39

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> conversation ends due to their inflammatory pronouncements. Where are you? In the US, most of us still have these conversations about gender, relationships, and life dynamics all the time. (If anything, this is arguably 70%+ of everything we talk about, among friends and acquaintances in the community). > although despite assurances of maturity and openness conversation ends due to their inflammatory pronouncements…

> Is there a common thread here? Can you imagine what might prompt such a response? What tends to prompt such responses in my experience is saying anything along the lines of "In my experience, I've noticed there is a tendency for (insert gender) to..." Actually, in hindsight, the inflammatory responses mostly only happen when the inserted gender is women.

I'm sometimes the one firing off the "inflammatory response", and it's usually in a group of men where someone says something blatantly misogynistic, not just stereotypical.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#167

Post by monksy »

ryanwaggoner wrote: post #156
Volundr wrote: post #151

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This anecdote is not only unverifiable (as most are), but vague to the point of uselessness. I don't doubt that there are all sorts of overzealous HR departments out there, but I can also think of all sorts of ways of using "respectable terms for another person" in disrespectful ways, and have met plenty of people far more creative than I am at doing so. And invariably these people will hide behind "I totally meant i…

In either case, it feels a little overly dramatic to worry too much about a scenario where HR asks you to not use a word anymore. Is this what people mean when they worry about people being cancelled?

Is it overly dramatic to have HR dictate formally non-offensive speach? (I'm talking about non-derogatory and non-slur based language)

Right now there is a wave of people that are upset over "violent language" (https://hopeandsafety.org/learn-more/violent-language/) If push comes to shove.. they'd lose their marbles over that.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#168

Post by 908B64B197 »

pizzafeelsright wrote: post #12

What I find interesting and I am curious if these conversations can happen anymore. I no longer discuss anything related to gender, relationships, or personal life dynamics with anyone outside of my bubble. I would enjoy the conversation, learning about another's ideas and understanding although despite assurances of maturity and openness conversation ends due to their inflammatory pronouncements. I do not believe id…

> I no longer discuss anything related to gender, relationships, or personal life dynamics with anyone outside of my bubble.

It's also pointless to discuss them. People say all sorts of things, but then act completely differently!

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#169

Post by monksy »

visihuge wrote: post #165
friend_and_foe wrote: post #161

All the data is good, but the way it is framed is a bit misleading. First, lets get one thing straight: dysfunction in the dating world negatively affects both men and women. So framing it as "men floundering, women most affected" is disingenuous. What is it about the prospects a man has that he has no desire to become desirable? If men's lives are less rewarding wouldn't it be them, not the women, that are the most…

Many of these kinds of articles are always seem to be slanted in how it negatively affects women. Women desiring more successful partners, yet men aren't keeping up. I'd be interested if there was any good article broaching that subject more, instead of remarkably pithy answers like "it's those damn video games."

People are afraid to be direct and call the article/researchers sexist in their framing of the situation.

Re: Dating, education, and sex ratios

#170

Post by epa »

I dont understand why they want me to login to read the article. I dont want an account, nor do i want to give you my email. I would rather leave the site than sign up. "Logins" are so antiquated.
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