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Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

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Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#571

Post by rngname22 »

antisthenes wrote: post #443
rngname22 wrote: post #380

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've observed it as well, and the truth is that attractiveness is just highly individual. And the guys they do think are attractive are often just their particular brand of 'cute' average guy who to my eyes as a non-attracted-to-men person don't look that much different than the previous 10 guys they swiped left on.

> I've observed it as well, and the truth is that attractiveness is just highly individual The OkCupid data confirmed this is false. Top 20% of men receive the vast majority of female attention. The inverse of that is that the majority of women think that 80% of men are mostly unattractive or at least unattractive to them. This is about as far as you can get from just trying to sweep the stats aside with a "highly in…

Sorry but people quoting the OKCupid study always ignore the part of the study that isn't convenient to their narrative.

The data shows men might rate women's attractiveness charitably, but they only messaged the most attractive 5s.

But whom women messaged tells a different story. Women messaged more average-looking men and were less likely to message the most attractive men.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#572

Post by soco »

lechacker wrote: post #557
soco wrote: post #550

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I may be totally wrong, but please bear with me: what do you feel about going out? Not for dates but for "honing" some social skills and maybe even creating opportunities (okay less of that but still).

I can't "hone" social skills because I have none. And at my age you can't "get" these skills because in order to get them you need to interact with other people, and in order to interact with people my age you need social skills. Like I commented elsewhere: exposing oneself to more scenarios of rejection can only drive one deeper into misery. Like wanting to cure an autistic child's sensitivity to noise by exposing h…

We are having here a little conversation about a very sensitive topic to many, this counts for me as a social skill. But maybe you mean in "real life" - about which I cannot comment.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#573

Post by halfnormalform »

haunter wrote: post #173
jacobsenscott wrote: post #116

The classic formula for hooking up is time and proximity - throw people together in the same space and wait - people will start hooking up. No app can provide this - they are designed with the exact opposite scenario in mind. This is why people meet in high school (4 years)/college(4 years)/at the office (40 years). With the move to remote work in many places we've cut off the office part - where people had the most…

And to the list the once more common community places, like church which pretty much disappearing from modern life (at least in the US and Europe). I'm not religious but more and more I think that church as a community place back then had a postive effect on local communites.

Unless you're part of the community the church rejected!

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#574

Post by mikhael28 »

lechacker wrote: post #517

As a 30+ year old kissless virgin I have recently began noticing that the loneliness part has began affecting me more deeply than usual. I suppose noticing the first signs of aging in my face led to the realization of all things not-done. I've had a couple of episodes of despair in the past few months because of this. Unfortunately people like me become helpless. You'll be alone because you _are_ alone: you don't hav…

Plane ticket. Amsterdam. Look for red lights.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#575

Post by scarmig »

welshwelsh wrote: post #211
itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

You are in the better position. Her inbox might be flooded with messages, but most of those messages are spam. Most of the guys didn't even look at her profile, and instead swiped right on everyone and copy-pasted the same message to all of their matches. If she replies, most of them will not respond. Few will put in the effort to have a substantial conversation, and fewer will actually try to go out on a date with h…

The flawed assumption here is that every match a guy gets is a wonderful, invested woman, while the vast majority of the matches women get are evil depraved men.

In practice, the proportion of good matches are similar for men and women. The issue is that men get many fewer of them in total, which means many fewer good, invested matches.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#576

Post by OkayPhysicist »

seydor wrote: post #400
jacobsenscott wrote: post #116

The classic formula for hooking up is time and proximity - throw people together in the same space and wait - people will start hooking up. No app can provide this - they are designed with the exact opposite scenario in mind. This is why people meet in high school (4 years)/college(4 years)/at the office (40 years). With the move to remote work in many places we've cut off the office part - where people had the most…

> throw people together in the same space and wait - people will start hooking up. No app can provide this I would contest this. Don't (EDIT: i m talking about social network apps) apps do exactly this, on a global scale? They bring people closer at all times, have regularity, and even have silly competitions, self-promotion , and all ways for people to 'hook up' with each other. Of course, in any physical space ther…

In large scale social networks, you're interacting with a lot of different people, relatively superficially. In contrast, if you have a relatively small group that spends a lot of time together, close relationships will form. An example is the Discord server I'm on (started off as an invite-only Among Us group, ended up just a general group of decently vetted friends who play games together), in which several relationships have formed (with the downside of there being an inconvenient amount of distance between parties, but plane tickets aren't that expensive).

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#577

Post by throwaway589275 »

wpietri wrote: post #25

I am a regular reader of Reddit's "Am I the Asshole" and the sheer number of terrible boyfriends/husbands is jaw-dropping. And that's probably always been true, but what has changed is the extent to which women now have agency through having decent jobs and not being social pariahs if they're not married and pregnant by 22. The stuff my grandmother put up with just doesn't fly today. So if the content of AITA is any…

Too bad this was flagged, since the OP 1) not only described himself as "a regular reader" of reddit (embarrassing enough), but of a particular reddit where people post made up stories (that he takes at face value), and 2) that he has the physiognomy (google him) of a male feminist undone by sexual assault allegations.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#578

Post by mikhael28 »

Mezzie wrote: post #492
scifibestfi wrote: post #321

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Even a simple compliment is rare. We could start there. Does the following meme resonate? https://pbs.twimg.com/media/EcNQvJwXgAEqCLI.jpg

I mean to be fair a lot of this is because men don't compliment each other. I'm a lesbian and I've been out for 22 years and I still have to be careful giving men compliments because they think 'I like your shirt' means 'I want to suck your dick'.

Kind of a facetious question, but does adding an emphasized 'bro' at the end of the sentence change the meaning and their response?

Like, if you said 'I like your shirt bro', and you put just a little bit of tude to the bro - would that decrease the risk of unintended signals?

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#579

Post by avmich »

DonHopkins wrote: post #472
spaniard89277 wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've been running online communities for years and this, as far as I can see, factual. I've read somewhere, maybe multiple times, that most men are emotionally and sexually deprived. That sounds correct given the data I have. I'm ok looking and I feel like I can make women like me. I still struggle sometimes. Many of my friends do much worse than me. I have friends that I find intellectually stimulating, average-look…

>I'm ok looking and I feel like I can make women like me. The only person who should "make women like me" is a female lesbian Doctor Frankenstein. Anyone else has to make themselves likable to women. The only person you should make do or be or like things is yourself. You can't force other people to like you, just because you feel like it.

I think the active voice here is coloring the situation in the light where one has more confident position.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#580

Post by scarmig »

wonderwonder wrote: post #563
bmn__ wrote: post #533

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"just be white", bro

you present this as some sort of negative? What is wrong with people being attracted to certain races? People cannot control who they find attractive and there is no racist component to it. People should be allowed to engage in relationships with whoever they want using whatever criteria they want.

There's a tension between the belief espoused by many on this thread that a man struggling dating is purely a matter of him being an unkempt, terrible person and the fact that arbitrary things like race can make dating a struggle.
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