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Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

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Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#371

Post by wonderwonder »

yamtaddle wrote: post #357
wonderwonder wrote: post #153

Earlier quoted context omitted.

How does that work? Is it an ethnicity issue?

Shit I can drop like 3 (relative) points on the good ol' 10 scale just by traveling to different sections of my own city. And while I'm not bad by local standards I'm only like a 2 or a 3 in some cities I've visited. From "not bad" to "uggo" just by traveling to another city, without ethnicity being a factor.

how? Honestly I am not doubting you, I have just been married for a very long time so out of the game. Is it a presentation of wealth or dress style?

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#372

Post by game_the0ry »

fxtentacle wrote: post #15

I love how the article compares the unequal distribution of sex partners with the unequal distribution of wealth, because in my opinion that might be part of the cause. I would predict that being able to afford a nice apartment in a good area close to date locations will easily 10x your sex chances. There have been other studies about young men struggling to find jobs that pay well enough for them to become financial…

I graduated right around the 2008 GFC. I can confirm - dating was non-existent when I was unemployed and living at home with parents, and then changed dramatically when I got a job and an apartment.

Obviously, it also hit my self-esteem, so I sort of shelled up and did not even want to socialize with friends. I also had a high-achieving family, where i was one of the youngest children, and I was constantly gas-lit by my parents, older sibling, aunts, uncles, etc. That was the worst.

I would say my early 20s were the worst time of my life.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#373

Post by [deleted] »

PaulHoule wrote: post #365
giraffe_lady wrote: post #351

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The tragic thing about incels and the broader online men's rights movements is that the pain is real, but they've rejected the most useful lens for understanding where it comes from and how to address it. Third wave feminism prominently addresses the origins and dangers of certain aspects of masculinity, diagnoses how they harm men, and proposes well thought out mitigations and alternatives. Bell hooks for example wr…

People are really negative towards outsiders with explanations. When I was in grad school, a friend and I tried to unify all the progressive organizations on campus. One thing we found was that black organizations reacted negatively to any hint of vanguardism or anything that sounded like some white people think they know better than black people. It is one reason why I reject How to be an anti-racist because it is n…

[deleted]

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#374

Post by Der_Einzige »

welshwelsh wrote: post #211
itsmemattchung wrote: post #4

> One possible aid for sexual loneliness might come from online dating apps such as Tinder. In theory, online dating could provide an efficient way to find a partner. However, online dating divides people heavily into winners and losers – perhaps even more so than traditional dating. While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them My wife d…

You are in the better position. Her inbox might be flooded with messages, but most of those messages are spam. Most of the guys didn't even look at her profile, and instead swiped right on everyone and copy-pasted the same message to all of their matches. If she replies, most of them will not respond. Few will put in the effort to have a substantial conversation, and fewer will actually try to go out on a date with h…

Funny for you to imply that women carry the conversations on dates.

My experience on dating apps, and in real life dating (including with my current partner) is that it's the man's burden to entertain the date. The overwhelming majority of date time was spent with me asking questions to try to coax the girl into actually talking, and talking about themselves (which people like to do).

Hell, most of the time that girls ghost guys on dating apps is because they're "boring". Dick pics are not sent out by more than half of all men who are rejected, but at least half of those rejctees we're "boring".

One way to try to fight this is to jestermax or goofmax. I refuse. I shouldn't have to become a damn comedian to prove that I've got "game".

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#375

Post by poszlem »

tru3_power wrote: post #31

Does anyone think this a lot of this is hormone driven? I know there are studies that show sperm counts are dropping due to chemicals, but I haven’t been able to find anything regarding testosterone levels. I’m not arguing that having higher testosterone will make women more attracted to men, but having higher testosterone undoubtedly gives you more energy/confidence to succeed in life (which probably makes you more…

Well, there are some interesting papers suggesting that women on the pill prefer less masculine men.

https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/03/study-wom...

Personally that is one of my personal favourite, perhaps not conspiracy theories, but a "wacko" theories that can explain a lot of our modern world.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#376

Post by vestrigi »

snowpid wrote: post #65
foldr wrote: post #8

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Prostitution is already legal in lots of countries. I’m not sure that there’s any evidence that it makes a huge amount of difference to this problem.

"lots of countries" To my knowledge only Germany.

And it’s not like that any sexually deprived young man just walks into a brothel like he walks into a pharmacy in Germany. That’s highly stigmatized and I suppose it is in the other countries as well.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#378

Post by hammock »

giantg2 wrote: post #179
hammock wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Singling out dating apps, or worse a single company thinking their monopoly created the problem, is missing the forest for the trees. The social dynamic exists independent of dating apps which monetize and exploit it. The dynamic is the same in real life, for example at a nightclub where women drink for free, promoters who bring them get paid per girl, and lonely men pay $40 cover for a chance to shoot their shot

One difference with online dating is that people tend to objective and quantify the other person more easily. In person, there tends to be fewer traits known before getting to know the person. Online, you have a dossier that causes more candidates to be rejected without a chance to get to know then. In some ways this is great because you don't waste your time, or their's, if there's a serious incompatibility. But I t…

I'm not sure that's true. The traits "known" are more subversive. Did you meet at a country/city club? At a gym? An upscale restaurant or bar? Do you have an accent? What are you wearing? What are you drinking? What do your friends look like? How do you carry a conversation? What unconscious body language and facial cues do you communicate?

I'm willing to bet that I could reliably predict 80%+ of whatever profile attributes you fill out online, with a 2 minute conversation and good look at you.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#379

Post by yCombLinks »

efa wrote: post #175
spaniard89277 wrote: post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've been running online communities for years and this, as far as I can see, factual. I've read somewhere, maybe multiple times, that most men are emotionally and sexually deprived. That sounds correct given the data I have. I'm ok looking and I feel like I can make women like me. I still struggle sometimes. Many of my friends do much worse than me. I have friends that I find intellectually stimulating, average-look…

Aren't bars similar to dating sites? A forum for men to compete with other men for women. I would think they'd have better luck with group activities (rec sports, craft/hobby stuff) or online groups devoted to something (restaurant enthusiasts, etc).

There is much less competition in a bar. Very rarely would an attractive guy in a bar be picking up 3 or 4 women at the same time. So those women would be forced to not choose anyone, or choose a different man. Next, an attractive man can only "court" a very small actual number of women in a physical real time setting, vs online.

Re: Sexual loneliness: A neglected public health problem?

#380

Post by rngname22 »

ryeights wrote: post #150
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #115

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> While women can get attention from thousands of men online in just a few hours, men are lucky if anyone is interested in them When it comes to dating apps, everyone I know falls into one of two categories: The first group invests time into generating a good profile. They put the effort into getting get photos of themselves and presenting the photos properly. They write a good bio, avoiding the tired tropes ("love f…

Unfortunately this response is divorced from reality. I have observed many 20-something women swiping through Tinder and the #1 cause for a man’s profile to be rejected is his attractiveness simply being average or below average. Have you ever tried online dating on platforms such as Tinder?

I've observed it as well, and the truth is that attractiveness is just highly individual. And the guys they do think are attractive are often just their particular brand of 'cute' average guy who to my eyes as a non-attracted-to-men person don't look that much different than the previous 10 guys they swiped left on.
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