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Beware of the perfect gentleman

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Re: Beware of the perfect gentleman

#161

Post by kbelder »

ChuckNorris89 wrote: post #87
stevenwoo wrote: post #64

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I remember filtering programmer resumes about 20 years ago and one listed modelling as a prior job and her packet included a headshot. We flew her out and interviewed her and she aced the written test and interviews; we made her an offer but she had multiple to choose from and our starting salary was not competitive.

> one listed modelling as a prior job We had the near opposite experience. We were looking to hire a "Modelling and simulation developer" for Matlab. And some ladies would somehow only see the "modelling experience desired" part and ignore the other technical requirements and flood us with their portfolios of various photo shoots. I'm sure the hiring guys hated it.

Reminds me of an incident twenty+ years ago when a magazine looking to recruit models temporarily rented office space above the local comic book shop.

Re: Beware of the perfect gentleman

#162

Post by MikePlacid »

quickthrower2 wrote: post #96
MikePlacid wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>“‘Can I meet you? Can I FaceTime you?’” also >even after he convinced them that they had been scammed, they sometimes wanted to strike up a friendship with him. “I can’t even tell you. I would spend an hour on the phone sometimes talking to these women So: "Sure. Here's my 900 number".

In a similar vein to how it is now normal to give personal pronouns, even if you are he/she, we should normalise opsec when online dating, even if you feel it is not needed: if everyone mentions “can I check you are not a scammer and goes through a verification call”, and it is normal it wont be seen as rude or breaking the romance”. Same should be done for a lot of interactions, such as hiring, employee to employee…

I am not sure why I have simplified your task in my previous post. It seems you’ve agreed that pronouns exist to make me comfortable when you are speaking about me. Actually they exist to provide you some linguistic comfort when speaking about me. But if you are willing to do some extra work to provide me some imaginary comfort that I do not actually need - who am to stop you?

So, the actual table of my pronouns looks like this:

И (who?) он

Р (whose?) его, него

Д (to whom?) ему, нему

В (whom to blame?) его, него

Т (by whom?) им, ним

П (about whom?) нём

There are 2 phonetical variants of some pronouns. In order to decide which one to use you should translate your sentence into Russian, check phonetical surroundings and use the proper phonetical variant of the proper grammar form of the pronoun.

So: Give it to ему. But: Go to нему.

If people will refuse to do this work of mental translation to Russian and back for my pleasure - do you think we should regulate it and enforce by law?

Re: Beware of the perfect gentleman

#163

Post by markus_zhang »

teux wrote: post #118
markus_zhang wrote: post #7

I have been constantly harrased by accounts with pretty girl pictures on LinkedIn, wish they could do something. Why did I know they are fake? One, I'm not handsome, neither do I work in those high status companies, why did they reach out to me? Two, they look more like models than software engineers. Completely bullshit.

> Two, they look more like models than software engineers. Completely bullshit. Can I push back against this? It’s toxic as fuck. Being a woman in tech blows. You can’t be pretty or you’re considered incompetent and shallow. You can’t be ugly or you’re treated poorly for that. It’s a loose-loose. What does a software engineer look like to you, then?

Yes you can push back.

Of course woman in tech can be pretty. Grace Hopper is 100x more pretty than any model in the world.

Re: Beware of the perfect gentleman

#164

Post by iLoveOncall »

jack_pp wrote: post #153
iLoveOncall wrote: post #109

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Exactly what the article is about?

I didn't read the article tbh but the comment I replied to implied they used fake social media profiles which makes sense and would be prevented by what I suggested. The scammers would need to make a profile on a website you're familiar with and if those websites guarantee that a profile is who they say they are by law then all these problems go away. Doesn't matter if someone outside the system gets your photos

Read the article and come back to delete your nonsensical comments once you realize how irrelevant they are to the subject matter.

Re: Beware of the perfect gentleman

#165

Post by edanm »

BlargMcLarg wrote: post #159
edanm wrote: post #146

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Despite you getting some bad feedback on this comment, I think you're right and I bumped on that phrase too. This reminds me of a billboard campaign to hire developers that ran a few years ago, and featured a few SEs, including one woman considered attractive. A lot of people said things along the lines of "this isn't what a real SE looks like", along with many... less nice things. Of course, she actually was a full…

You and GP both need to take a step back and consider the context since both of you seem to conveniently forget one very important thing: why would anyone get harrassed by software developers on LinkedIn as just another workerbee? Now multiply that by whatever factor you believe a software developer is a gorgeous woman. Maybe now it makes sense why people are skeptical. With your line of reasoning, people would be de…

To clarify, I totally understand the context.

I'm specifically saying that saying a phrase like "they don't look like software developers" just because they're good looking women is in itself a bad (and false!) meme to circulate, which in itself is a bad thing, regardless of context.

Re: Beware of the perfect gentleman

#166

Post by wbazant »

MikePlacid wrote: post #151
quickthrower2 wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In a similar vein to how it is now normal to give personal pronouns, even if you are he/she, we should normalise opsec when online dating, even if you feel it is not needed: if everyone mentions “can I check you are not a scammer and goes through a verification call”, and it is normal it wont be seen as rude or breaking the romance”. Same should be done for a lot of interactions, such as hiring, employee to employee…

> it is now normal to give personal pronouns, even if you are he/she Eagerly waiting for this “new normal” to come to Russia. You see, we have 6 forms of each pronoun. Mine’s are: “он / его / ему / его / им / нём”. Please, remember and use each one correctly. Like: You blame его. But: you are speaking about нём. Not a single mistake, please.

In English, do you prefer he or she? And do you prefer that one to 'they'?

Re: Beware of the perfect gentleman

#167

Post by lsaferite »

coldtea wrote: post #152
rkagerer wrote: post #42

When I was growing up you never posted your photo online where strangers could see it. Earlier than that, it was also considered proper etiquette to ask before taking someone's photo. There's been a huge culture shift and some of the outcomes are disheartening but quite predictable. ...little recourse other than to continuously report fake profiles across social media platforms If they don't take down your fraudulent…

> When I was growing up you never posted your photo online where strangers could see it. When was that? For those over 40, when they grew up there was no "online". And if one was a kid or teenager growing up the the mid to late nineties, people had personal websites and online photos of themselves up regularly, and it wasn't considered much. You didn't have regular snaps of your life, or pictures of the food you ate,…

FWIW, I'm over 40 and was "online" as a teen, first with BBS and then with dial-up internet.

Re: Beware of the perfect gentleman

#168

Post by luckylion »

MikePlacid wrote: post #154
luckylion wrote: post #102

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The bridges being sold are real, too. The scam only works if they build some kind of relationship, whether it ends in marriage or just in a committed relationship (moving in together etc) is irrelevant. If she was "just tindlering" (I really like the English language for the ability to verbify everything), it wouldn't have, because she's not taking out loans for each guy from tinder she spends an evening or a night w…

Yes, but the desire to form a relationship (and maybe even to form it “upwards”) - it’s a hard wired feature of a brain I believe. Woman’s brain especially. And I wouldn’t say that this wiring is unhealthy. But that guy just triggered it, “professionally”. So, in her place - when to tell yourself to stop? Certainly not at flying by a private jet to Paris. Problem is she is hooked after that. Like yes, it is nice thin…

I completely agree, and I'm sure it's hard to call it when emotions are running high. Reading about it, it often sounds insane what people fall for (someone in the thread mentioned a Japanese story where a woman allegedly believed she was talking to a Russian astronaut who was on the ISS at the time and needed the money to pay the landing fees!)

It's a crazy work, but you make a good point that casinos thrive while everyone preaches that the house always wins and the gambler always loses. Even with that knowledge, I suppose it would be easy enough to say "those other people got tinder-swindled, but I'd notice if that was happening to me".

Re: Beware of the perfect gentleman

#169

Post by coldtea »

lsaferite wrote: post #167
coldtea wrote: post #152

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> When I was growing up you never posted your photo online where strangers could see it. When was that? For those over 40, when they grew up there was no "online". And if one was a kid or teenager growing up the the mid to late nineties, people had personal websites and online photos of themselves up regularly, and it wasn't considered much. You didn't have regular snaps of your life, or pictures of the food you ate,…

FWIW, I'm over 40 and was "online" as a teen, first with BBS and then with dial-up internet.

Sure, and one could be 80 and be "online" as a teen on his parent's ARPANET account.

But it's not the online kind we're discussing here, where upload pictures of yourself to the web was considered uncouth (as per the parent commenter), because it wasn't considered as good or bad at all, as it was just not a thing people could do at the time (not even BBS users were actually doing that, except perhaps in some incredibly rare cases where someone could get access to a scanner).

Re: Beware of the perfect gentleman

#170

Post by thephyber »

kuhewa wrote: post #99
koonsolo wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Most people don't even know that reverse image search exists.

Presumably all the women contacting the photo guys in the article are aware of it. The real issue is that the women aren't going to believe it if it doesn't link to a social media profile or similar, or if they don't talk to the person, and the scammer would easily explain the website away if they were aware of it.

> Presumably all the women contacting the photo guys in the article are aware of it.

Point of clarification: in most instances, it's not the victim that does the reverse image search, but some friend/family member who is trying to assist the victim after the fraud has already happened.

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