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Beware of the perfect gentleman

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Re: Beware of the perfect gentleman

#151

Post by MikePlacid »

quickthrower2 wrote: post #96
MikePlacid wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>“‘Can I meet you? Can I FaceTime you?’” also >even after he convinced them that they had been scammed, they sometimes wanted to strike up a friendship with him. “I can’t even tell you. I would spend an hour on the phone sometimes talking to these women So: "Sure. Here's my 900 number".

In a similar vein to how it is now normal to give personal pronouns, even if you are he/she, we should normalise opsec when online dating, even if you feel it is not needed: if everyone mentions “can I check you are not a scammer and goes through a verification call”, and it is normal it wont be seen as rude or breaking the romance”. Same should be done for a lot of interactions, such as hiring, employee to employee…

> it is now normal to give personal pronouns, even if you are he/she

Eagerly waiting for this “new normal” to come to Russia. You see, we have 6 forms of each pronoun. Mine’s are: “он / его / ему / его / им / нём”. Please, remember and use each one correctly. Like:

You blame его. But: you are speaking about нём. Not a single mistake, please.

Re: Beware of the perfect gentleman

#152

Post by coldtea »

rkagerer wrote: post #42

When I was growing up you never posted your photo online where strangers could see it. Earlier than that, it was also considered proper etiquette to ask before taking someone's photo. There's been a huge culture shift and some of the outcomes are disheartening but quite predictable. ...little recourse other than to continuously report fake profiles across social media platforms If they don't take down your fraudulent…

>When I was growing up you never posted your photo online where strangers could see it.

When was that? For those over 40, when they grew up there was no "online".

And if one was a kid or teenager growing up the the mid to late nineties, people had personal websites and online photos of themselves up regularly, and it wasn't considered much.

You didn't have regular snaps of your life, or pictures of the food you ate, like later, but you could well have your picture and nobody would consider it strange. Heck, even university professors and professionals of all kinds had personal and business pages with their photos on...

Re: Beware of the perfect gentleman

#153

Post by jack_pp »

iLoveOncall wrote: post #109
jack_pp wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Use them for what?

Exactly what the article is about?

I didn't read the article tbh but the comment I replied to implied they used fake social media profiles which makes sense and would be prevented by what I suggested. The scammers would need to make a profile on a website you're familiar with and if those websites guarantee that a profile is who they say they are by law then all these problems go away. Doesn't matter if someone outside the system gets your photos

Re: Beware of the perfect gentleman

#154

Post by MikePlacid »

luckylion wrote: post #102
MikePlacid wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The victim in Tindler Swindler was not trying to marry, upwards or otherwise. She was just... tindlering. And got this charming man with "Let's fly for a weekend in Paris on my private jet". I do not see any possibility to resist. Yes, "It's too good to be true". But the jet was real...

The bridges being sold are real, too. The scam only works if they build some kind of relationship, whether it ends in marriage or just in a committed relationship (moving in together etc) is irrelevant. If she was "just tindlering" (I really like the English language for the ability to verbify everything), it wouldn't have, because she's not taking out loans for each guy from tinder she spends an evening or a night w…

Yes, but the desire to form a relationship (and maybe even to form it “upwards”) - it’s a hard wired feature of a brain I believe. Woman’s brain especially. And I wouldn’t say that this wiring is unhealthy. But that guy just triggered it, “professionally”.

So, in her place - when to tell yourself to stop? Certainly not at flying by a private jet to Paris. Problem is she is hooked after that. Like yes, it is nice thing to have all these quarters dumped on your lap in a casino, but that’s exactly the proper time to leave. We had nice night in Paris, bye! Still, casinos exist and prosper. Dzin-dzin-dzin! - somebody won, why not you?

Hard stop I think should come after him asking her for money. “Our casino is experiencing some financial difficulties, could we please borrow some of your savings so that the entertainment could continue?” But we should show each girl Tinder Swindler for her to be able to do this, to stand up and leave at this time. Cause she has already placed herself into a relationship, yes. But probably wouldn’t help anyway, like teaching math has not bankrupt casinos.

Re: Beware of the perfect gentleman

#156

Post by mcv »

coldtea wrote: post #152
rkagerer wrote: post #42

When I was growing up you never posted your photo online where strangers could see it. Earlier than that, it was also considered proper etiquette to ask before taking someone's photo. There's been a huge culture shift and some of the outcomes are disheartening but quite predictable. ...little recourse other than to continuously report fake profiles across social media platforms If they don't take down your fraudulent…

> When I was growing up you never posted your photo online where strangers could see it. When was that? For those over 40, when they grew up there was no "online". And if one was a kid or teenager growing up the the mid to late nineties, people had personal websites and online photos of themselves up regularly, and it wasn't considered much. You didn't have regular snaps of your life, or pictures of the food you ate,…

> When was that? For those over 40, when they grew up there was no "online".

There were BBSs. But I don't think anyone would appreciate trying to upload a photo through a 300 baud modem.

Re: Beware of the perfect gentleman

#157

Post by m463 »

jxdxbx wrote: post #106
DoreenMichele wrote: post #45

My mind is blown. Even when the ruse is revealed, many victims are unwilling to let go. The truth triggers an emotional whiplash—the promise of a soulmate, a new, fulfilling life, and mutual trust is suddenly lost, leaving the intense feelings of love behind. Once found, the real man in the photos becomes a surrogate for the fantasy. “Some of them would reach out to me and [say], ‘Now that I know what the real person…

I have behaved very strangely myself when heartbroken.

This is probably the most real comment I've read today.

Re: Beware of the perfect gentleman

#158

Post by commandlinefan »

teux wrote: post #118
markus_zhang wrote: post #7

I have been constantly harrased by accounts with pretty girl pictures on LinkedIn, wish they could do something. Why did I know they are fake? One, I'm not handsome, neither do I work in those high status companies, why did they reach out to me? Two, they look more like models than software engineers. Completely bullshit.

> Two, they look more like models than software engineers. Completely bullshit. Can I push back against this? It’s toxic as fuck. Being a woman in tech blows. You can’t be pretty or you’re considered incompetent and shallow. You can’t be ugly or you’re treated poorly for that. It’s a loose-loose. What does a software engineer look like to you, then?

> You can’t be pretty or you’re considered incompetent and shallow

That's not a gendered stereotype, though, that's all technology people.

Re: Beware of the perfect gentleman

#159

Post by BlargMcLarg »

edanm wrote: post #146
teux wrote: post #118

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Two, they look more like models than software engineers. Completely bullshit. Can I push back against this? It’s toxic as fuck. Being a woman in tech blows. You can’t be pretty or you’re considered incompetent and shallow. You can’t be ugly or you’re treated poorly for that. It’s a loose-loose. What does a software engineer look like to you, then?

Despite you getting some bad feedback on this comment, I think you're right and I bumped on that phrase too. This reminds me of a billboard campaign to hire developers that ran a few years ago, and featured a few SEs, including one woman considered attractive. A lot of people said things along the lines of "this isn't what a real SE looks like", along with many... less nice things. Of course, she actually was a full…

You and GP both need to take a step back and consider the context since both of you seem to conveniently forget one very important thing: why would anyone get harrassed by software developers on LinkedIn as just another workerbee? Now multiply that by whatever factor you believe a software developer is a gorgeous woman. Maybe now it makes sense why people are skeptical.

With your line of reasoning, people would be defending phishing emails because "some representatives have bad grammar skills". Think of how lubricous that would be in a discussion on phishing.

Re: Beware of the perfect gentleman

#160

Post by commandlinefan »

RcouF1uZ4gsC wrote: post #3

Things I didn't realize I should be thankful for #2,500,231: My face will never ever be used for a romance scam.

> My face will never ever be used for a romance scam.

Imagine your disappointment if you ever find out that it was, and it did better than you ever did.

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