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Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

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Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#141

Post by c_o_n_v_e_x »

rasse wrote: post #60

Your old life is over. A new one awaits. It will most likely be better, but no doubt different. Relationship: don't keep a (mental) score of changed diapers, chores etc. with your spouse. You're not roommates. Team work isn't perfectly balanced or symmetrical. You: Everything is just a phase and will soon pass. Remember this, when things are tough. Also, don't be confused if the first months feel more like a struggle…

>You: Everything is just a phase and will soon pass.

Came here to say this.

Kids go through phases like not sleeping well for weeks on end. It will pass. You'll go through periods where it's easy and the kids sleep through the night. This too will pass.

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#142

Post by wsgeorge »

netmonk wrote: post #133

I don’t know if I’m qualified as a father of three. The most important point to raise children from my POV and experience is: mimétisme. The very efficient way to teach or train them to adopt habit or behaviour is by personating yourself what you want them to be. Children are copying what you are more than what you do. Want them to love book ? Don’t buy them book and keep watching tv, play in front computer, or frene…

> Leadership is not about enforcing things to other. But being the living example of the behaviour you want them to adopt.

This is so important it bears repeating. And I'll say it's not only true for parenting. Thank you for putting it this way!

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#143

Post by MaurizioPz »

Read "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk" https://openlibrary.org/books/OL34854132M/How_to_Talk_So_Kid... read it multiple times during your life, try applying what it says even if you think your child is "too young". It will surprise you. It will be hard, but it does help

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#144

Post by loloquwowndueo »

freedom2099 wrote: post #121
loloquwowndueo wrote: post #32

All those books on parenting you have? Read them before the birth, because after it, you will have zero time and energy to do so.

My son is 4th month old and I still have plants of time for doing things (in the first month from his birth I managed to read 3 books… and do plenty of other things). It’s 2 adults and one baby… not that hard!

You got an easy one. This further proves the point, each child is different

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#145

Post by filoleg »

dotancohen wrote: post #140
filoleg wrote: post #139

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There is nothing to read between the lines bere. Circumcision is "singled out" because that's the only one that realistically might happen to a child born in the west. If I were to have a child, circumcision would definitely need to be discussed with my partner. Because there are plenty of reasons people decide to opt-in for that procedure, none of which have any intentionally malicious components to it. FGM wouldn't…

> I see zero reason to worry about something that cannot even be legally performed > in the first place. That line of thinking bolsters my previous comment that the "if its a boy" clause was not unnecessary, and conveys specific intent.

Serious question, do you have issues with english reading comprehension?

"If it is a boy" was a necessary clause. Because "if it was a girl", then they won't need to worry abour circumcision. Which is why mentioning the first clause made perfect sense. No need for some conspiracy theories here.

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#146

Post by htkibar »

Make sure to talk to your kid about everything all the time. Even stuff they may not get even when they are babies.

More exposure to different experiences and even just different things you say the better their chances for cognitive development.

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#147

Post by pupppet »

pjsg wrote: post #110
pupppet wrote: post #107

Take lots of video. It’s easy to snap a pic but you’ll always go back to the videos.

Take lots of pictures -- you will never look at the video. Take the "same" picture each month for the first couple of years. We had our daughter propped up on the couch next to a teddy bear. Stringing the pictures together showed her growth in a beautiful way. Also, make sure that you don't hold them in order to put them to sleep. Wait until they are relaxed and then put them down in their bed/crib/cot. You want them…

>Take lots of pictures -- you will never look at the video.

Wrong.

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#148

Post by rmwaite »

thehoff wrote: post #84
anakaine wrote: post #13

When your kids are young, they will depend upon you. As they grow, they will be attached to you. You will be joined at the hip and do everything together. Cherish this. As your kids progress through their teenage years, they will distance themselves from you. They may lie about what they are up to. They might argue with you, shout at you, and cut you out of the discussion even when you desperately want to be involved…

Somewhat same vein I tell my coworkers who are going to be new parents: Time really flies with kids. One minute you're changing diapers, next thing you know they are walking, then they're in middle/high school and have their friends they'd rather be with. As hard as it was I still tear up a little watching old video clips of ours as a toddler.

I’d just like to echo this. I was told this when I had my first child, I understood what it meant and it seemed kind of obvious… It went by so much faster than I could have imagined.

It’s actually baffling to me to think about my own childhood and how long it felt to me then - only for it to go by so quickly from the other side.

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#149

Post by gwnywg »

You will learn a lot about yourself, maybe things you will not like. Parenting requires patience- very easy to say, difficult to execute. Your kids cannot be in second place when you spend your time, and this is really easy to say but when you have whole day behind you it's extremely difficult to execute. I learn all the time and many times I have a feeling of failure. Then next day comes by and you get another chance to be a parent :)

Re: Ask HN: I will become a father tomorrow, what advice could you share with me?

#150

Post by mariushn »

D13Fd wrote: post #132
drBonkers wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What is your favorite sleep training strategy?

4 kids so far here. If you mean training to sleep independently through the night in their own room -- we wait until they are good and easy and don't really need to nurse any more (other than comfort nursing). Then they move to their own room and I sleep in that room with them without my wife. I'm a heavy sleeper. If they cry enough to really wake me up, I comfort them for a bit. Mostly I sleep through their crying.…

> No reading in bed near bedtime, ever.

Why, please? Everybody does this. Does it prolong the time to get to sleep?

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