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75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

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Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#401

Post by chronofar »

Tade0 wrote: post #367
chronofar wrote: post #337

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Again, this is a very fixable problem, and society will be the better for it by learning to adapt better rather than just throwing more kids at the problem. Kids do not owe their parents anything, including geriatric care.

If it's fixable, then the fix was not implemented in societies which are aging the most. People don't owe their parents anything, but they naturally do at least give a shit about them - provided they had a good relationship. Less kids, less adults who would volunteer to do it.

Hasn’t it? There is considerably more infrastructure for the elderly today than a couple of generations ago. Communities where folks can maintain a bit of independence with caregivers and peers in the neighborhood seems like a nearly ideal way to age to me.

But of course not everyone lives like this and many have a horrible quality of life at the end so there is room to improve. One improvement is cultural I think: we shouldn’t be hanging on to every last strand of life possible, and should make it easy for those with little prognosis for quality of life to die gracefully in a way of their choosing.

In any case certainly more adaptation is needed, but I see signs of the development.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#402

Post by 4ggr0 »

Poppys wrote: post #295
dragonsky67 wrote: post #269

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not sure why there is a stigma to deciding to not have kids. It's not as if your decision is going to have much impact on anybody except yourself or the potential grandparents who may feel that they are missing out, but that is very much their problem. All this talk of "perpetuating the species" is so much crap... The species will get along quite well without everybody contributing their genetic material. At leas…

There are tangible problems with a low birth rate though, which western economies are experiencing now.

I understand what you mean and I myself know that I want a kid, just not now. But I would never become a parent just because of an economies well-being or low birth rates. If I become a parent it's because I and my partner want to, that's it.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#403

Post by trident5000 »

WheatMillington wrote: post #90
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I don't think I'm necessarily having the same experience as you.... my advice to people who aren't sure if they want kids, is DON'T. It's bloody hard, you sacrifice A LOT. Don't have kids unless you're very sure it's what you want. I have 2 kids under 6 and I feel like I just don't have any time for any of my hobbies any more. I leave for work first thing, come home in the afternoon, and haven't had any time for myse…

Dont have kids if you're poor.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#404

Post by dr-detroit »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

No post body was provided.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#405

Post by astura »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

>You actually like hanging out with your own kids

My parents never liked being around me and made sure I knew it.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#406

Post by D13Fd »

ip26 wrote: post #196
D13Fd wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

With 4 kids and a dog, I tell people this, but no one believes me. Dogs can absolutely be harder than kids a lot of the time.

Forgive me- four kids, but how many boys? My dogs can't even comprehend how to be as difficult as my boys.

One boy. But I’ve never had to spend 20 minutes chasing him to get him back in the house in the morning so he isn’t stuck outside in the cold all day.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#407

Post by neweroldguy »

Defitio wrote: post #388
natnatenathan wrote: post #289

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is exactly my experience, probably from age 28 until I met my wife at ~34. My friends and I would go to all these bars, clubs, rock climbing trips. While I loved my friends and generally enjoyed doing those things, I felt this long-term malaise of meaningless. The loss of freedom getting married and then greater loss when having kids was unexpected and a jarring change. But it has made me such a better person. A…

In my opinion plenty of people just use kids as a scapegoat for meaning of life. My question would be why you value your kids time more than bouldern? Because you made them? Because they consume so much time with them? Or because you are just better in being a parent and biological getting satisfaction out of it? Unfortunately for me I'm not sure if I would end like you or the other poster who regrets it sometimes. A…

I think your concern (will I be one who is fulfilled, or one who regrets?) is reasonable, but in fact for many people the answer is “yes”. You’ll often feel fulfilled. Occasionally you’ll regret.

Also, “escape goat”, while an amazing phrase, should be “scapegoat”.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#408

Post by ttcbj »

WheatMillington wrote: post #90
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I don't think I'm necessarily having the same experience as you.... my advice to people who aren't sure if they want kids, is DON'T. It's bloody hard, you sacrifice A LOT. Don't have kids unless you're very sure it's what you want. I have 2 kids under 6 and I feel like I just don't have any time for any of my hobbies any more. I leave for work first thing, come home in the afternoon, and haven't had any time for myse…

It is exhausting. My kids are 9 and 11. It’s different, but still all consuming.

Still, I think it is very hard for anyone to predict what some one else’s experience will be having kids. It depends on the kids temperament, yours, your spouses, how your relationship works, What the expectations are in your community, and so much more.

The older I get, especially now that I see my parents really aging, the more I see life is just complicated. Kids or not, you have to find happiness where you can, and accept that sometimes things are imperfect.

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