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75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

1000hoursoutside.com

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Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#331

Post by khazhoux »

ROTMetro wrote: post #46
ourmandave wrote: post #25

This reminds me of that song I really hate, Cat's in the Cradle. I've long since retired, my son's moved away I called him up just the other day I said, I'd like to see you if you don't mind He said, I'd love to, dad, if I can find the time You see, my new job's a hassle, and the kids have the flu But it's sure nice talking to you, dad It's been sure nice talking to you And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me H…

You can f right off with this post! Dude, really? Like you couldn't do the whole spoiler make the text black unless I highlight it thing? This friggin guy making all us old dads cry. But seriously, hits right in the feels.

I appreciate your comment.

We sang this in 6th grade, and even then I understood the devastating lyrics (I didn't see my dad much, b/c he had to work long hours and weekends+nights as a young resident->doctor). I knew even then that this song would be my truth.

Over three decades later, I love my dad but I only see him a few times a year for a few days each, and we don't talk much on the phone much.

"But we'll get together then, son."

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#332

Post by rakoo »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

They don't last forever... But they are still there. They still take time and energy, probably at a point in life where you can do absolutely everything but have to choose. It also has an impact on your health, because you can't live 3-4 years with short nights and not have an effect on you. It still costs money. It still takes up some of your nights to do something else.

As a non-parent, and someone who doesn't want to be, you sound like someone saying "it's not so bad". Which it probably is, but I'm still not convinced the good outweighs the bad, and I probably never will

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#333

Post by novok »

TedDoesntTalk wrote: post #227
jollofricepeas wrote: post #221

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You know what’s kind of weird? …When people say they can’t do any of their own hobbies because they have kids. I get it if you’re into kinky or extremely dangerous hobbies BUT… - I’ve always shared my hobbies with my kids. When I was really into making music, I gave my toddler at first Toca Music and then eventually their own iPad with GarageBand and we would just make songs together. - When I wrote apps, I taught th…

This is good advice but you have to change your expectations. You’re not going to get the same kind of run with a 5 yr old as alone, for example.

Put the 5 year old on your shoulders and make it twice the workout :p

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#334

Post by geomark »

jollofricepeas wrote: post #221
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

You know what’s kind of weird? …When people say they can’t do any of their own hobbies because they have kids. I get it if you’re into kinky or extremely dangerous hobbies BUT… - I’ve always shared my hobbies with my kids. When I was really into making music, I gave my toddler at first Toca Music and then eventually their own iPad with GarageBand and we would just make songs together. - When I wrote apps, I taught th…

This is the mode I am in with my kid. Got him started on making and coding at a very early age and he took to it. He's 12 now and doing some significant things with Python, 3D printing and Arduino; the latter two were new to me so I picked up a couple of cool hobbies. He's an avid reader so I keep filled a pipeline of good books for him, and I read them first which means I'm filling in gaps in my own education of books I should have read in high school. We went to home schooling when Covid hit and that has worked out very well.

But... I am older and I retired early (tech was very good to me) so I have full time to spend with him. That doesn't work for people early in their careers.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#335

Post by sockaddr »

stickyricky wrote: post #152

The best part of my day is my son hugging me when I return from work. No other feeling like it.

I believe the highest bitrate form of direct communication for humans is the hug. More than language, more than some hypothetical brain-computer interface.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#336

Post by e-master »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I can relate to number 3 so much. Especially as kids get 4 years old and older it becomes a lot of fun to spend time with them. And it’s not even playing with them that I enjoy much, though building Lego or a puzzle is fun, but working with them on homework or music assignments or karate is so satisfying as you see them grow and you do see that your presence actually makes a big difference in their motivation when they approach some task.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#337

Post by chronofar »

Tade0 wrote: post #327
chronofar wrote: post #315

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There are also tangible benefits. Economic models needing to adjust to non-perpetual growth is not an impossible nor existential crisis.

The main problem isn't growth or the lack of it - it's generally decreased welfare of older people because there's no family member or caregiver to periodically check up on them and recognize early signs of deteriorating health - especially mental health.

Again, this is a very fixable problem, and society will be the better for it by learning to adapt better rather than just throwing more kids at the problem. Kids do not owe their parents anything, including geriatric care.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#338

Post by ChaitanyaSai »

obruchez wrote: post #328
ChaitanyaSai wrote: post #290

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"Brunch is not life." This phrase is going to stick with me.

I don't know what it's supposed to mean, though. I like brunches. My son likes them as well. I mean: any part of life is not life. Kids are not life. Or am I missing something?

I take brunch and life to be stand-ins for two notions. Brunch as the ability and desire to wish for a lazy day spent as one wishes, desultory consumption of something nice and/or new while in control of our time. Life is the sum-total of all meaning we accrue along the way, including our experiences from events we are thrust into.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#339

Post by novok »

volkl48 wrote: post #206
jahewson wrote: post #192

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think you’re painting a pretty simplistic and distorted caricature of reality.

I don't think I am, at least speaking to the US, but if you've got a particular argument I'm open to hearing it. ----------- Just as some related examples to illustrate that there's a whole lot of children not growing up in some idealized life though: ~23% of children in the US live with one parent and no other adults in the household. ~40% of children born to married parents in the US will see those parents divorce…

Also did those splits happen because of the children , or because of the parent's issues with each other or the world? It's often the later.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#340

Post by novok »

morgtheborg wrote: post #256
deamanto wrote: post #55

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hey just wanted to say that I really appreciate this comment and it's an opinion I haven't seen shared before even though in hindsight it's obvious. I personally have chosen not to have kids - one reason is doomer level but the other is time and independence. I have a dog that is a relatively (to kids) minor responsibility but in my day to day life feels like the biggest responsibility, I compare that to having a kid…

I have a dog. I totally thought having a kid would be like having a dog. In the sense that I do a bunch of shit with my dog that I don't necessarily want to do and she is often a burden to things I want to do (mainly travel) but, in aggregate, is worth it. And if having a kid was that negative shit multiplied by some large x with similar or even higher positives, it would be a huge no go. Happily I got the dog a mont…

As the traditional formula goes, you take care of the household. Food, cleanup, chores, shopping, calling the repair guy, etc. Especially as you start getting more free time and school starts acting as a baby sitter.
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