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75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

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Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#231

Post by ransom1538 »

ChainOfFools wrote: post #189
maxsilver wrote: post #139

Earlier quoted context omitted.

My partner and I have 5 kids under 7yrs old -- four of whom are adopted and two of whom are struggling with severe developmental delays (and likely autism, still waiting on formal diagnosis). When kids get older, they get a lot more "fun" and a lot less immediate work. I can take my eldest two out pretty much anywhere without a ton of effort, they are fun to hang out with, they can be trusted to be kind and respectfu…

> Be absolutely ready to make a literal lifetime commitment to love and care for this child as a fellow human, before deciding to have one. Unfortunately, if you decide after all of this reflection that you don't want to have kids there is no need to worry, at least, about perpetuating the human race... because for every couple who conscientiously decides not to have kids, there are a half dozen more who don't give a…

"there are a half dozen more who don't give any thought to any of this whatsoever and proceed to have (often multiple) kids anyway."

You might have to update this [1]. People do care. People have an iphone now. People can read. The "tons of kids poppin" arguments don't hold. We will see a global wide population decrease soon.

https://econofact.org/the-mystery-of-the-declining-u-s-birth...

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#232

Post by YeBanKo »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

Diaper change and sleepless night with a new born are probably among the easiest things in parenting.

I don't know how you manage to have hobbies or activities on weekends, unless your can engage them in your hobbies. Mine are too young for that.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#233

Post by EamonnMR »

volkl48 wrote: post #193
shanewwarren wrote: post #175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've heard stories of how difficult the process of adopting kids can be. So, kudos to you, that sounds like a lot to manage. Regarding opting out, I get it, but I don't agree personally. Not having kids, can enable some pretty great lifestyles. But I do feel like you don't get a chance to understand what being a parent is all about. No amount of being a great aunt / uncle / whatever, gives you that feeling of needing…

Life is a series of choices, and it's impossible to explore every path you could take. > But I do feel like you don't get a chance to understand what being a parent is all about. That's 100% accurate. There's a pretty much infinite number of possible life experiences I'm not going to get to experience personally and will not have the time/money/ability to fit into my lifespan. The wishlist of things I'd love to do or…

> Taking on what amounts to a lifetime commitment and a massive investment of time and money for an experience that I have zero interest in and think I would actively dislike, seems like a terrible use of my finite resources.

If you consider maximizing your experience the best use of your resources, I suppose not.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#234

Post by halper »

rtlfe wrote: post #129
neverartful wrote: post #114

And during that time that they're 12 or younger: - Read to your young children regularly. Ideally, every day. This is something my father did with me when I was very young and I can't express how wonderful it was. - Remember that you're setting the example for them -- make it a good example. 2 specific examples that I always observed: never use profanity (even saying 'crap' was very infrequent), and never let your ki…

> never use profanity (even saying 'crap' was very infrequent) Why does this matter?

From my experience they learn from the older kids as soon as they start school. At least in my culture. My daughter came home saying "shit what the fuck" (in English, despite English not being the native tongue of the locality) one day. And now she will curse like a pirate when she hurts herself. But she already knows they are words that people attach special meaning to: she avoids them when "not needed", for example. Except when she wants a reaction, which she never gets from me at least.

We don't use many such strong words ourselves, but like with many things she learned on her own in the cultural melting pot that is public school.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#235

Post by YeBanKo »

TedDoesntTalk wrote: post #227
jollofricepeas wrote: post #221

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You know what’s kind of weird? …When people say they can’t do any of their own hobbies because they have kids. I get it if you’re into kinky or extremely dangerous hobbies BUT… - I’ve always shared my hobbies with my kids. When I was really into making music, I gave my toddler at first Toca Music and then eventually their own iPad with GarageBand and we would just make songs together. - When I wrote apps, I taught th…

This is good advice but you have to change your expectations. You’re not going to get the same kind of run with a 5 yr old as alone, for example.

This advice is great on paper, but hard to impossible to practise. I see some of my older friends can do it with their kids who are 8-12 years old, but there seems to be a very short period of time between being able to actually do something with them until they have their own interests and hobbies.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#236

Post by TedDoesntTalk »

neverartful wrote: post #114

And during that time that they're 12 or younger: - Read to your young children regularly. Ideally, every day. This is something my father did with me when I was very young and I can't express how wonderful it was. - Remember that you're setting the example for them -- make it a good example. 2 specific examples that I always observed: never use profanity (even saying 'crap' was very infrequent), and never let your ki…

Beautiful

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#237

Post by DuckFeathers »

PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

> young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids

They say that because they know they can't trust their kids with abusive child care system or the abusive schooling system which creates people who perpetuate the abuse to give power to corrupt government and corrupt corporations.

You can have as many kids you want and still have all the time if you don't intend to be responsible for them.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#238

Post by TedDoesntTalk »

khazhoux wrote: post #228
elil17 wrote: post #213

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Who cares? As long as someone can shut it off when needed (e.g. at work) this is something that does not matter at all.

Maybe his point isn't that cursing is bad, but that you should set an example for proper manners. Like, the language they should use when talking with schoolteachers, at work, etc. That's my household: they'll hear plenty of salt when we play Jay-Z or Run The Jewels around the house, and it's no big deal if they cuss while telling us about their day, but we'd never tell them to "Pick up the fucking dishes."

One of the jobs of parenting is teaching social norms. Children don’t instinctively know them.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#239

Post by TedDoesntTalk »

ROTMetro wrote: post #43
wang_li wrote: post #19

While it may be a true statistic, it seems to dramatically miss the boat. Time spent with a newborn, with an infant, with a four year old, with a ten year old, with a sixteen year old, with a twenty year old are not the same. You can have more interaction, more contentment, more sense of continuity, and more sense of family, in a Thanksgiving weekend spent with your adult child and their family than the entirety of y…

My son had a springsuit at 1. We would just sit in the sand at Manresa. It was some of the most peaceful, most content, most important time in my life. I don't really remember any discussions from a holiday dinner. But I remember sitting on that beach, and the very important rocks that we examined so seriously. The texture of them. The smell of the salt air. Exploring the bucket with sandcrabs I had gathered. Maybe y…

What is a spring suit?

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#240

Post by TedDoesntTalk »

intrasight wrote: post #223
gamerDude wrote: post #17

This is also a reminder of the opposite. For those of us on here, we have less than 25% of our time with our parents left. I lost my father earlier this year. I count myself lucky that I felt very satisfied and complete in our relationship.

You will some day have a meeting or likely a phone call that is that last 0.001% - because it is the last meeting or phone call. Sometimes you know it to be the last but usually you don't. But for sure you'll remember it. So make every interaction matter!

You very rarely know it is the last time you’ll do anything.
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