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75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

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Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#141

Post by knaekhoved »

deamanto wrote: post #55
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

Hey just wanted to say that I really appreciate this comment and it's an opinion I haven't seen shared before even though in hindsight it's obvious. I personally have chosen not to have kids - one reason is doomer level but the other is time and independence. I have a dog that is a relatively (to kids) minor responsibility but in my day to day life feels like the biggest responsibility, I compare that to having a kid…

A big whitepill and motivation to have kids is to recognize that the Turkheimer laws are correct. If on net you like your own traits, whatever they are, and you want more of those traits to be present in the world, good news - having biological children is an almost surefire way to do so, even if you don't put a ton of effort into it.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#143

Post by knaekhoved »

scandox wrote: post #47
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I enjoy being a parent but my advice to people who ask if they should have kids is that you really have to want to have kids because all the benefits are intangible and all the drawbacks are tangible. People who say they don't want kids, usually mean it - whether they've identified their real reason or not.

People say they want or don't want a lot of things, but it turns out they're often really bad at predicting net utilitarian impacts. A lot of people who say stuff like "I don't want to have kids because I'm happier buying funko pops and video games" are probably just wrong about their counterfactual happiness level.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#144

Post by kotlin2 »

nyokodo wrote: post #138
kotlin2 wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Hmm that’s interesting. I wonder if the two systems produce equal outcomes into adulthood.

> equal outcomes How do you compare the outcome for a kid who never exists? People are an end in themselves before considering any outcomes.

If people are an end to themselves, everyone would have as many kids as possible. Clearly some people believe people to be an end to themselves, but I doubt that opinion is held by the majority. My question about outcomes was specifically about those that exist.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#145

Post by knaekhoved »

throwaway44111 wrote: post #77
xwdv wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I have found dogs are more of a pain in the ass than kids. Having a dog is like having a kid that is stuck in the early toddler years in terms of effort IMO. Also far less rewarding, as a dog won’t really change much over time once it gets to adulthood fairly quickly. If you could have a dog for some significant length of time, a kid will be no problem by comparison.

But not in terms of $$$

No post body was provided.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#147

Post by stackedinserter »

kbrannigan wrote: post #87
ProfessorLayton wrote: post #29

A huge asterisk here is that this varies greatly by culture. For better or worse* certain cultures value strong family bonds and time spent with the parents, as well as bilateral support well into adulthood. Many cultures also encourage multigenerational living within a single household (or in extremely close proximity like my parents did). For example, my parents were happy to have me live at home as long as I wante…

Yes! American, Anglo-Saxon culture while widespread is not the norm. There is such thing as Inter-generational living. You often see advice on the internet: Why are you 20 and still living with your parents, you're a loser. You're 30 still living with your parents, you won't amount to anything. Yeah right!!! Meanwhile they leave alone with a dog, - need a ton of additional psychotherapy to stay sane. - Need to setup…

> Meanwhile they leave alone with a dog, > - need a ton of additional psychotherapy to stay sane. > - Need to setup appointments to see their own parents

OTOH it's very far from being common.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#148

Post by rtlfe »

neverartful wrote: post #140
mensetmanusman wrote: post #134

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Our society tends to reward people that curse infrequently?

It's more about having self respect. Why use the same language as drunken sailors and criminals?

> Why use the same language as drunken sailors and criminals?

Aside from hate speech, I honestly don't care what kind of language my kid uses. But I'd be pretty disappointed if they reduced groups of people into negative stereotypes like this.

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#149

Post by addingadimensio »

WheatMillington wrote: post #90
PragmaticPulp wrote: post #41

One of the things I have a hard time conveying to non-parents is that the most time-intensive parts of parenting don't last forever. I've talked to a lot of young people who say they don't want kids because they think their personal lives will permanently halt the moment they have kids. I spend a lot of time trying to explain that: 1) I still spend a lot of time with friends and can do most of my personal hobbies/act…

I don't think I'm necessarily having the same experience as you.... my advice to people who aren't sure if they want kids, is DON'T. It's bloody hard, you sacrifice A LOT. Don't have kids unless you're very sure it's what you want. I have 2 kids under 6 and I feel like I just don't have any time for any of my hobbies any more. I leave for work first thing, come home in the afternoon, and haven't had any time for myse…

This is short sided the first five years are tough the next are great and the following are even better

Re: 75% of the time we spend with our kids in our lifetime will be spent by age 12

#150

Post by lamontcg »

kotlin2 wrote: post #88
lamontcg wrote: post #85

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't really like kids. I didn't really like kids when I was a kid. And that largely gets worse the older they get, up until they start pushing 30 or so.

Obviously this doesn’t hold true for everyone, but your attachment to your kid has nothing to do with how you feel about kids in general.

You start by saying you're not generalizing to literally everyone, but then you follow up by generalizing to literally everyone.

You can state that "my attachment to my kid has nothing to do with how I feel about kids in general" but the way you've phrased it makes it generalized and you apply it to the generic you. Talking about "your attachment to your kid" reads very much like lecturing me about how you're telling me I'll feel.

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