51–59 of 59 posts
Is this particularly a western problem?
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The apps really destroyed online dating. I used to meet people on OKCupid... until they made it more Tinder-like. You can't even search or browse these days. Craigslist Personals was also fun. Until it got taken down. The late 90's through early 2000's internet was way better for meeting people online.
could that be selection bias? a lot less of niche people today on big apps, and more casual(superficial) mainstream "scene"? like in those time people were selfselecting on certain traits and really motivated on soulmate search? (european POV, internet became mainstream in 2010s with social networks)
Wow. In the US, 2010 was about when AOL stopped stuffing our mailboxes with install disks... (some research later) make that 2006.
https://americanhistory.si.edu/collections/search/object/nma...
If I were a lonely, single man, I'd probably feel as if the author was making a bit of a cruel joke at my expense when they chose a picture of a tall, fit, and handsome white dude as their idea of what a lonely and single man probably looks like. Spend any amount of time in the communities where lonely and single men congregate and you'll see by and large they look nothing like the guy in the photo.
> Spend any amount of time in the communities where lonely and single men congregate and you'll see by and large they look nothing like the guy in the photo. There is a lot of untruth in this statement and I will tell you why, because I was literally living this lifestyle. I'm not saying I still continue to accept these ideologies. The problem with these people is there is a huge gap in the wants vs have within men n…
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It doesn't speak to loneliness, but according to this Pew report, there is a substantial gap in single-ness by gender in the 18-29 group [1]. 32% of women versus 51% of men. Women in that cohort are slightly more likely to not be looking, but it's close (6% more women are not looking than men). I think single-ness has increased for both genders, but not at the same rate, and I have no idea what causes that. I can thi…
I have an alternate take. 1/4 women are on mental health meds as well. - https://www.huffpost.com/entry/women-and-prescription-drug-u... - https://www.wsj.com/articles/why-so-many-middle-aged-women-a... I think the modern world is alienating and isolating. We compare ourselves to each to other constantly and treat each other as commodities. The destruction of the family and various religions has been destructive to v…
There hasn’t been destruction of the family. People don’t have the ability to start families because they can’t afford the burden. People can’t start families because the adoption agencies are run by religious organizations who are fraught with child trafficking. Religion might offer belonging on a small scale, but for the most part it’s used to make “us vs. them” arguments and divide us. Christians, (70/30 protestan…
My brother committed suicide because of loneliness and depression. So when I read articles about women and men being lonely and on tons of mental health meds, I think something went wrong in our society and I have a personal connection to this.
Most people WANT to be in families, and have relationships. Humans are social creatures. A world with out religion doesn't seem to be keeping the promises of a better life. Religion filled a void for many people, and I don't think medication can replace it.
I'm not sure what the path forward is, but I think the first step is admitting we have a major problem in our culture.
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>The truth is women don't need men anymore. Men can be dead tomorrow collectively and women will not even notice This is an absolutely insane statement. No, most women have men they love such as fathers, sons, brothers, and even husbands. Not to mention many important jobs are still dominated by men as women aren't interested. For example dangerous and disgusting professions like plumbing, underwater welding, physica…
I was thinking exactly about this comment, or a variant of this comment. I do agree, but the thing here is that, we are now in a setting where individualism has been able to replace every single person. In an atomized society everyone is replaceable. I'll give you an example which is very real, in Japan you can rent a person, say you want affection of a father(because your real father was emotionally absent), and bro…
But on the other hand in the end of Grease when Sandy sings "You better shape up, cause I need a man, and my heart is set on you." I don't think she has finance and protection in mind, exactly.
I think she's looking for happiness when she says she needs a man.
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I was thinking exactly about this comment, or a variant of this comment. I do agree, but the thing here is that, we are now in a setting where individualism has been able to replace every single person. In an atomized society everyone is replaceable. I'll give you an example which is very real, in Japan you can rent a person, say you want affection of a father(because your real father was emotionally absent), and bro…
Sure we don't live in Jane Austin times when a woman needs to marry because she can't inherit property and has limited economic choices. But on the other hand in the end of Grease when Sandy sings "You better shape up, cause I need a man, and my heart is set on you." I don't think she has finance and protection in mind, exactly. I think she's looking for happiness when she says she needs a man.
I have an alternate take. 1/4 women are on mental health meds as well. - https://www.huffpost.com/entry/women-and-prescription-drug-u... - https://www.wsj.com/articles/why-so-many-middle-aged-women-a... I think the modern world is alienating and isolating. We compare ourselves to each to other constantly and treat each other as commodities. The destruction of the family and various religions has been destructive to v…
>various religions has been destructive to vast majority of people. The difference between the modern world and the world of yesterday is that we're the ones they aren't religious. I would argue it's the opposite-- religion limits you and forces you to be with your community. You have to meet them every week and sit with them, you are obligated to attend their weddings and funerals. The church was historically the ce…
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For the motivated, these communities still exist - but without the sermon. Volunteer groups, sports, hobby groups, hiking meetups, dance classes, or the nearest bar. YMMV
This is somewhat true but it only works for some. The issue is that it requires motivation, whereas the church did not. I think a lot of the bitterness in modern society is from the people in that gap, the people aren't able to motivate themselves perhaps due to depression or circumstances. The other issue with that is it does require some level of social skills. Someone highly autistic, for example, would likely hav…
Being close to a hip city and having no trouble traveling, I did find motivation (for actually going, doing the scheduling, etc) to be a thing - and there are sometimes many layers to that thing.
As I encouraged others to do meetup dot com and find groups to hang with - I found that people do indeed have to muster up the motivation - but also location can be an challenge / obstacle.
I also think meetup has changed with less options, partially for pandemic but also they went pay to play for listing groups I think?
Looking forward to more decentralized group listings and virtual water coolers in the future, maybe web rings coming back to help with that.
Also been planning to open more real world 'third place' options hopefully - scouting locations and sketching ideas anyhow.