Live data from Hacker News

Number of 'lonely, single' men is on the rise, says psychologist

dailymail.co.uk

41–50 of 59 posts

Re: Number of 'lonely, single' men is on the rise, says psychologist

#41

Shouldn't the number of lonely, single women also be simultaneously on the rise? Or the number of women dating women? If the men aren't dating, then either the women aren't either, or they're dating each other.

It's not 1:1 pairing between men and women. It's more like 1:0 for the undesired and 1:10 for the highly desired. Those 10 do it for a chance of a 1:1 relationship.

Re: Number of 'lonely, single' men is on the rise, says psychologist

#42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I'm not sure a shitfight between some angry men shouting about how women are too promiscuous, other angry men shouting about how women are too uptight and angry people shouting about how men need to improve in 12 different ways is truth or wisdom.

The problem of reading those comments is, everyone defends with their feelings, doesn't necessarily means they are angry or whatever. It's definitely not ideal for a lot of people, including myself. You can be angry at anything, doesn't mean it changes the outcome to your desired intent, infact it can be worse, in case of incels, the more angrier they get the more they get ostracized. Sure, the most intolerant minori…

>The truth is women don't need men anymore. Men can be dead tomorrow collectively and women will not even notice

This is an absolutely insane statement. No, most women have men they love such as fathers, sons, brothers, and even husbands. Not to mention many important jobs are still dominated by men as women aren't interested. For example dangerous and disgusting professions like plumbing, underwater welding, physical laborers, loggers, firefighters, soldiers.

Re: Number of 'lonely, single' men is on the rise, says psychologist

#43
post #24

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>various religions has been destructive to vast majority of people. The difference between the modern world and the world of yesterday is that we're the ones they aren't religious. I would argue it's the opposite-- religion limits you and forces you to be with your community. You have to meet them every week and sit with them, you are obligated to attend their weddings and funerals. The church was historically the ce…

For the motivated, these communities still exist - but without the sermon. Volunteer groups, sports, hobby groups, hiking meetups, dance classes, or the nearest bar. YMMV

This is somewhat true but it only works for some. The issue is that it requires motivation, whereas the church did not. I think a lot of the bitterness in modern society is from the people in that gap, the people aren't able to motivate themselves perhaps due to depression or circumstances. The other issue with that is it does require some level of social skills. Someone highly autistic, for example, would likely have a hard time meeting people by dancing. There needs to be somewhere for these people to connect with the rest of society

Re: Number of 'lonely, single' men is on the rise, says psychologist

#44

Is this particularly a western problem?

Is this a problem in southern / Eastern Europe or just Western Europe, USA, and Asia?

Anecdotal, but I can personally say much less so in Serbia than in Canada, USA, or UK.

Re: Number of 'lonely, single' men is on the rise, says psychologist

#46
post #6

Maybe reading the original Psychology Today article would be better than this Daily Mail piece... Either way, it doesn't consist of much substance. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-state-our-unions...

Agreed - the papers it references contradict the article. For example the paper concludes that loneliness is experienced nearly equally across all demographics.

Re: Number of 'lonely, single' men is on the rise, says psychologist

#47
post #42

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The problem of reading those comments is, everyone defends with their feelings, doesn't necessarily means they are angry or whatever. It's definitely not ideal for a lot of people, including myself. You can be angry at anything, doesn't mean it changes the outcome to your desired intent, infact it can be worse, in case of incels, the more angrier they get the more they get ostracized. Sure, the most intolerant minori…

>The truth is women don't need men anymore. Men can be dead tomorrow collectively and women will not even notice This is an absolutely insane statement. No, most women have men they love such as fathers, sons, brothers, and even husbands. Not to mention many important jobs are still dominated by men as women aren't interested. For example dangerous and disgusting professions like plumbing, underwater welding, physica…

I was thinking exactly about this comment, or a variant of this comment.

I do agree, but the thing here is that, we are now in a setting where individualism has been able to replace every single person. In an atomized society everyone is replaceable.

I'll give you an example which is very real, in Japan you can rent a person, say you want affection of a father(because your real father was emotionally absent), and brother etc. You can experience them. Although in the west, it is not done due to many reasons, but it makes sense to have these paid services where a person who is a complete stranger can pretend to be your father or brother.

The rest of the professions are meant for hire anyway.

I think the only relationship which seems to be unconditional love is between mother and sons, because women obviously like their children more.

What I meant by men are not needed, is that men are not needed for protection(the state protects you with Police, and Armed forces), for finance(no need for husband's salary or dad's inheritance dangled like a carrot in front of you) when you can find a job through education, the law protects you legally in many ways, the society now is pro-women than it ever was and that's a good thing.

Men are not explicitly needed by women anymore because the system set up civilization now makes men being implicit supporters and protectors of women. And it's completely good, because they are no longer in the shackles of men wanting to be protected. They can be themselves and choose men they feel like it.

Maybe this is the harsh truth many men don't want to acknowledge or feel uneasy when they look at the facts and figures and these articles blindly say men need to somehow figure out to be not lonely and single. What if I'm a shy person or a depressed person or a lazy person or simply an ugly person? Some attributes are immutable and they become a part of one's personality and outlook and from this point, it makes sense why people recommend therapy to cope with the idea that you need to accept who you but still put out the best parts of you and hopefully those best part guide you to become a more rounded person, even if you don't end up being a well rounded person, you will find yourself surrounded by people who accept you and at least that will make you feel well rounded.

Re: Number of 'lonely, single' men is on the rise, says psychologist

#48
post #8

No one will care until those lonely single men are filled with rage and take it out on society.

thats PATRIARCHY, real and rude. some intellectuals will think that patriarchy has arised from top-down institutions, but a bottomup approach is more realistic: a lot of angry, rebellious young men with nothing to lose were appeased by constituted power for minimal social order (marry,reproduce so you will be less rebellious).

with the progress of society certain appeasments were no longer possible, and certain social conditions either. this is a primal way to share dissens and ask for things, not cool with our society but the appeasment that should be offered should be mental health care to "unradicalize" and some kind societal integration. understand the game to understand the player or you want to tell them to bootstrap themselves?

Re: Number of 'lonely, single' men is on the rise, says psychologist

#49
post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> At least that’s what I gather from friends that are struggling with the app-centric dating landscape. There's the real problem. Most of the women I know who use apps hate them, too. The incentive structure around dating apps is terrible, and from what I can tell, it's deepening the already ridiculous polarization of gender. Men and women alike reduce eachother to the worst stereotypes, and their dating preferences…

The apps really destroyed online dating. I used to meet people on OKCupid... until they made it more Tinder-like. You can't even search or browse these days. Craigslist Personals was also fun. Until it got taken down. The late 90's through early 2000's internet was way better for meeting people online.

could that be selection bias? a lot less of niche people today on big apps, and more casual(superficial) mainstream "scene"? like in those time people were selfselecting on certain traits and really motivated on soulmate search?

(european POV, internet became mainstream in 2010s with social networks)

Re: Number of 'lonely, single' men is on the rise, says psychologist

#50
post #49

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The apps really destroyed online dating. I used to meet people on OKCupid... until they made it more Tinder-like. You can't even search or browse these days. Craigslist Personals was also fun. Until it got taken down. The late 90's through early 2000's internet was way better for meeting people online.

could that be selection bias? a lot less of niche people today on big apps, and more casual(superficial) mainstream "scene"? like in those time people were selfselecting on certain traits and really motivated on soulmate search? (european POV, internet became mainstream in 2010s with social networks)

Possibly. I'm also older now, which probably doesn't help...
Post reply on HN