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Number of 'lonely, single' men is on the rise, says psychologist

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Re: Number of 'lonely, single' men is on the rise, says psychologist

#31

Post by limpbizkitfan »

stuckinhell wrote: post #13

I have an alternate take. 1/4 women are on mental health meds as well. - https://www.huffpost.com/entry/women-and-prescription-drug-u... - https://www.wsj.com/articles/why-so-many-middle-aged-women-a... I think the modern world is alienating and isolating. We compare ourselves to each to other constantly and treat each other as commodities. The destruction of the family and various religions has been destructive to v…

There hasn’t been destruction of the family. People don’t have the ability to start families because they can’t afford the burden. People can’t start families because the adoption agencies are run by religious organizations who are fraught with child trafficking. Religion might offer belonging on a small scale, but for the most part it’s used to make “us vs. them” arguments and divide us. Christians, (70/30 protestant/catholic) for example, invaded Poland in the 1940s, and wiped out what would have been ancestors of cousins I can never meet because they were atheist, Jewish, or otherwise. The issue has to do with social media and tailored content. The more people use these tools, the features train on people’s clicks and send them down rabbit holes, and nobody is on the same page anymore. People don’t know how to distinguish the truth from fiction- in fact, media outlets HAVE become a dogmatic religion in itself. There shouldn’t be some onus on people getting forced to be married or have kids, either. Plenty of people have family in a great group of friends. It is the people who isolate, especially men and women, who are told to behave in ways that are probably not who they are at their core, that end up being susceptible to the stuff you posted. I hope you are not lonely, but I assume from your comment that may be the case. Please stop frustrating yourself and enter relationships with whoever’s nearby, you don’t even have to share the same views.

Re: Number of 'lonely, single' men is on the rise, says psychologist

#32

Post by everforward »

dado3212 wrote: post #14
lampshades wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think it’s a situation of, women can always find someone to hook up with because they’re a woman. A lot of men out there are truly lonely because they’re never even chosen. At least that’s what I gather from friends that are struggling with the app-centric dating landscape.

Quoted post unavailable.

It doesn't speak to loneliness, but according to this Pew report, there is a substantial gap in single-ness by gender in the 18-29 group [1]. 32% of women versus 51% of men. Women in that cohort are slightly more likely to not be looking, but it's close (6% more women are not looking than men).

I think single-ness has increased for both genders, but not at the same rate, and I have no idea what causes that. I can think of a few things that might cause it, but it would require extraordinarily fast demographic shifts that seem unlikely. I.e. it could be increases in polyamorous or LGBTQ women, or differences in birth rates or immigration by gender, but those have historically been small demographics. They would have to grow by something like an order of magnitude to have an effect this large.

It's weird. If anyone has seen any actual studies on how that effect happens, I'd be curious to read them, because it doesn't really make sense to me.

1: https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/a-profi...

Re: Number of 'lonely, single' men is on the rise, says psychologist

#34

Post by businessman0001 »

honkdaddy wrote: post #26

If I were a lonely, single man, I'd probably feel as if the author was making a bit of a cruel joke at my expense when they chose a picture of a tall, fit, and handsome white dude as their idea of what a lonely and single man probably looks like. Spend any amount of time in the communities where lonely and single men congregate and you'll see by and large they look nothing like the guy in the photo.

> Spend any amount of time in the communities where lonely and single men congregate and you'll see by and large they look nothing like the guy in the photo.

There is a lot of untruth in this statement and I will tell you why, because I was literally living this lifestyle. I'm not saying I still continue to accept these ideologies. The problem with these people is there is a huge gap in the wants vs have within men nowadays, i.e., they want something, but do not put in the effort. If things were easy, then would it make any sense? You wouldn't value what you have.

There's a sense of lack of values, morals and humanity within these communities and they perpetuate all the bad ideas.

Instead of repeating the grief cycle and trying to break out of it, they continue to wallow in this grief cycle. There's actually a diagnosis which is called prolonged grief disorder.

While pain is good for growth, grieving without a closure and trying to continue it without the presence of personal morals, values and humanity is dangerous. Humility is extremely important, and people nowadays don't seem to have it.

Re: Number of 'lonely, single' men is on the rise, says psychologist

#35

Post by welshwelsh »

stuckinhell wrote: post #13

I have an alternate take. 1/4 women are on mental health meds as well. - https://www.huffpost.com/entry/women-and-prescription-drug-u... - https://www.wsj.com/articles/why-so-many-middle-aged-women-a... I think the modern world is alienating and isolating. We compare ourselves to each to other constantly and treat each other as commodities. The destruction of the family and various religions has been destructive to v…

The transition from family and religion to more modern social organization might be painful.

But I say, good riddance. People should group together based on common interests, hobbies and activism, not circumstance and superstition.

To have a truly democratic society, we need people to engage with the broader human community beyond their families and churches. We need to think bigger than that.

Re: Number of 'lonely, single' men is on the rise, says psychologist

#36

Post by mrguyorama »

dado3212 wrote: post #14
lampshades wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think it’s a situation of, women can always find someone to hook up with because they’re a woman. A lot of men out there are truly lonely because they’re never even chosen. At least that’s what I gather from friends that are struggling with the app-centric dating landscape.

Quoted post unavailable.

Understanding that women have more "power" in dating apps isn't being an incel. You're only an incel when you choose to respond to current dynamics by hating women, blaming them for things, refusing to take responsibility for your side of the coin, and lashing out.

The people behind OKCupid were very open that women were having a much more successful time on dating apps. At least, until they were bought by tinder.

Reality is that the majority of men in dating apps get passed over while the majority of women in dating apps find dates but dislike them. I don't know how to fix the situation. You can't convince women to sign up for these apps without giving them a safe and self controlled environment, and when given the option they seem to pick roughly the same "top" 20% or so of men and then be unhappy with the resulting dates. I do not suggest they would be happier with the other 80% of men, we have our own issues too, we just don't get to go on dates. I personally found love through Bumble, so maybe the extra limits/self selection for that is the trick.

Re: Number of 'lonely, single' men is on the rise, says psychologist

#37

Post by klyrs »

icedchai wrote: post #22
klyrs wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> At least that’s what I gather from friends that are struggling with the app-centric dating landscape. There's the real problem. Most of the women I know who use apps hate them, too. The incentive structure around dating apps is terrible, and from what I can tell, it's deepening the already ridiculous polarization of gender. Men and women alike reduce eachother to the worst stereotypes, and their dating preferences…

The apps really destroyed online dating. I used to meet people on OKCupid... until they made it more Tinder-like. You can't even search or browse these days. Craigslist Personals was also fun. Until it got taken down. The late 90's through early 2000's internet was way better for meeting people online.

> The late 90's through early 2000's internet was way better for meeting people online.

Right? I made quite a few friends and even a couple of romantic partners on forums and BBSs. For what it's worth, I've seen this happen (tactfully!) on facebook (before they decided that they needed to be a dating site too -_-), through mutual friends and special-interest groups. But, that specifically doesn't work for straight people who are locked into gender-isolated bubbles.

Re: Number of 'lonely, single' men is on the rise, says psychologist

#38

Post by dqft »

swagasaurus-rex wrote: post #30
stuckinhell wrote: post #7

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I don't think so, you hear the same thing happening in Asia as well.

It makes me think it's a socioeconomic issue. or, from a different perspective, we're experiencing a population cap, as experienced through cost of living increases. Starting a family is a luxury not everybody can afford.

High quality people may make that choice/distinction, but millions of mediocre childhoods are facilitated through handouts and their requirements without any forethought by those involved.

Really a failure of culture imo.

Re: Number of 'lonely, single' men is on the rise, says psychologist

#39

Post by tsol »

klyrs wrote: post #20
lampshades wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think it’s a situation of, women can always find someone to hook up with because they’re a woman. A lot of men out there are truly lonely because they’re never even chosen. At least that’s what I gather from friends that are struggling with the app-centric dating landscape.

> At least that’s what I gather from friends that are struggling with the app-centric dating landscape. There's the real problem. Most of the women I know who use apps hate them, too. The incentive structure around dating apps is terrible, and from what I can tell, it's deepening the already ridiculous polarization of gender. Men and women alike reduce eachother to the worst stereotypes, and their dating preferences…

Not OOP, but to me the problem isn't that women have it easy. That's a short sighted take by people that don't understand. Women just have more opportunity for physical contact. Obviously this doesn't satisfy the need for emotional intimacy. But to men who haven't had physical or emotional intimacy in a long time, it's easy to think they have it good because at least they can find someone to lie to them and say they care about them for one night. Part of the problem is these slight differences make it hard to empathize with each other

Re: Number of 'lonely, single' men is on the rise, says psychologist

#40

Post by klyrs »

tsol wrote: post #39
klyrs wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> At least that’s what I gather from friends that are struggling with the app-centric dating landscape. There's the real problem. Most of the women I know who use apps hate them, too. The incentive structure around dating apps is terrible, and from what I can tell, it's deepening the already ridiculous polarization of gender. Men and women alike reduce eachother to the worst stereotypes, and their dating preferences…

Not OOP, but to me the problem isn't that women have it easy. That's a short sighted take by people that don't understand. Women just have more opportunity for physical contact. Obviously this doesn't satisfy the need for emotional intimacy. But to men who haven't had physical or emotional intimacy in a long time, it's easy to think they have it good because at least they can find someone to lie to them and say they…

> Women just have more opportunity for physical contact.

Whether or not they want it -- "opportunity" isn't the right word for this.

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