591–600 of 741 posts
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Seriously ridiculous questions. I know many of my Gen-X peers started families in their 40’s without assistance.
I’ve given a couple of these guys lessons on women’s reproductive health :) hopefully it will benefit the next woman on bumble they meet !
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I was commenting on this specific wording: "We're looking for a wife— take care of my house and children, be attractive and cook" Who is we in this context? All men? So cooking, taking care of children and being attractive is hard-coded into the biology and psychology of women?
Seeking those traits in women is hard-coded into men. (Obviously there are exceptions - as with any rule - but do I really need to add this caveat ... ?)
If the latter - can you share those studies? Are these traits coded in our DNA?
I'd like to learn how it's hard-coded in men's DNA that they are looking for women who will cook for them.
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That's great you're feeling better as you're older! Though that last comment at 'balding' men -- do you consider that fair? Balding men didn't choose their genetics, nor did they do anything specific to become bald. And, outside of surgery, they can't stop being bald. Are you maybe saying these men need to shave their heads and commit to their fate, to stop 'balding' and just 'be bald'? It is fair to call them overwe…
I gained a ton of weight taking a medicine to save my life. Thanks.
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As a man not much younger than you, it's helpful to hear that's a turn-off. What to ask when is tricky. I see several options: 1. Estimate the odds of successfully procreating upfront; Downside: Can seem boorish and unromantic and ruin the chance of a potentially successful relationship. 2. Keep getting to know each other and discuss once we're more comfortable with each other. If the answer is unfavorable: a. Be hon…
"Of course, you're doing that now. This has gotten so much attention that it I'd give you one-third odds of being married in 18 months to either someone who saw this thread or someone someone who sees this thread introduces you to." That's a really kind and encouraging thought. I appreciate that. It's kind of amusing to me that people are starting to think the way I presented myself in this post is the way I should p…
An assortment of thoughts: I hope you read How to Win Friends and Influence People. And it's not because you need it to know how to communicate. While I'm sure you'd learn a few things about talking to others, I suspect you'll learn something about the way various styles of communication make you feel. You can see it in the variance of of your responses in this thread. I'm not convinced that this is a core issue but seeing the way a few different comments have elicited affection combined with your comment about wanting to feel seen makes me think it could explain why the men who attract you so often tend to disappear.
It might be interesting to ask your dates at what point during the thread they decided they wanted to get to know you. I can imagine a more analytical person finding you appealing enough from the intro. But if I had to guess, this medium works for two reasons. The non-scalable one is that humans care more as they know someone better. The thread is long and you get vastly more mental attention than through other means of introduction. The scalable ones are attributes that come through in your comments but not in your post: You radiate earnestness and ebullience at a level that's rare even in humans a decade younger; you're indefatigably engaged; you have the patience to try and reason with almost anyone yet occasionally lose your temper which is further evidence of complexity; in short you appear human.
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You can be strategic about it. But the outcome of 'getting a partner' is not within anyone's control. You can only present the best version of yourself, but you can't control who will and won't like you. We're only humans after all.
> You can only present the best version of yourself, but you can't control who will and won't like you if you want to listen to that advice - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v1WiCGq-PcY&t=1s
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I used to believe this kind of advice. However, I’ve actually spent quite a bit of time working on myself and coming to peace with my life as it is. I think the everything will follow piece is a spiritual bypass that isn’t reflected in reality. There are so many confident, beautiful , career-driven women who are in the same predicament as me. I think that women are learning to take charge in every aspect of their liv…
> Why shouldn’t it be that I can have a strategic goal in my life to have kids and a family and work towards achieving that in an active, not passive way ? How’s that working out for you?
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I am going to do this. I intuitively feel that this is the right path forward for me. Kissing someone I just met oj a dating app is super weird and creepy to me. I will let you know how it goes. Thanks, friend :)
While reading your post I was thinking the same thing but the parent comment put it a lot more elegantly than I could lmao. I don't really have a lot of advice because a) I'm quite young and I've never dated someone and b) I don't really want kids, but I'm replying to let you know that I wish you all the best!
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I am going to do this. I intuitively feel that this is the right path forward for me. Kissing someone I just met oj a dating app is super weird and creepy to me. I will let you know how it goes. Thanks, friend :)
Socializing beats dating apps! 1. Do things you like 2. Where would the guy you want to date go to socialize?
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Agreed. The term partner is really not what men are looking for. We’re looking for a wife— take care of my house and children, be attractive and cook. If you’re intelligent more the better.
That's not true. Sure there are a lot of men that want a traditional wife to take care of the house, etc. But I'm not sure they are the majority of men in 2022. Lots of men out there certainly don't want or care if their wife is a homemaker. I, personally, and many people I know aren't particularly interested in that sort of wife and would prefer a "partner" that that has her own professional and personal life and go…
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Agreed. The term partner is really not what men are looking for. We’re looking for a wife— take care of my house and children, be attractive and cook. If you’re intelligent more the better.
Speak for yourself! A partner is exactly what I want. I don't need a cook or a housekeeper; if I did, I'd hire one. I want to be part of a team of equals, or I'd rather be single. I am not speaking hypothetically. It was a real problem for me when my ex-wife lost her job, gave up looking for another, and just... turned herself into a housewife. I could not relate to her anymore. This was not the issue which ultimatel…
I'm really sorry to hear about your troubles with your ex-wife. I can imagine it could be really depressing/invalidating to lose a job and not know where to turn. Luckily, as a single person, we don't really have the option of not working so there's an energy and force behind finding a vocation.
I sometimes think in a different reality, I might enjoy teaching and raising children while my husband worked. It's a ton of work though and you don't really get any down time, which is hard.
I did this before when I was dating someone who had a son, but I also worked. I still found it very fulfilling.
When I was a teacher, I always found the kids who were the most grounded were the ones who had a stay-at-home dad.
I think it's nice for kids when one parent is there just for the child rearing.
Some random thoughts and musings, but it's really really tough when both people don't have interests outside the marriage.
I'm sorry you and your ex had to go through this.