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Sex is going out of fashion?

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Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#621

Post by ajmurmann »

xtracto wrote: post #472
CalRobert wrote: post #415

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Three years ago a HN user named Dexwiz wrote something that hit me hard. I'd felt this, but I never saw it put in to words so well. https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=20470085 """ The Screen and the Job have displaced almost everything else is our lives. Loneliness is just a primary symptom. The Screen, whether it’s TV, computer, or phone, has supplanted almost all social interactions. This manifests itself in thin…

Great insight! Another thing I came to realise is that current "social" media is extremely de-personalized (lack of a better term): back in the 80s and 90s, I participated in many public online places (I have always been shy in person). Those places (irc channels, WBS.net, ICQ, BBSs) were actually very social in that you actually made friendships. I travelled half the country after being invited to a Linux User Group…

Especially with BBSs there was a lot broader focus than on the thing they were formally about. For years I was active on a retrogaming forum. The forum of course had topic areas related to retro gaming, but more than half of them had nothing to do with that. We had movies, video games, quizzes, music, off-topic and probably a bunch more that I cannot remember. I think that led to people to actually form a community rather than only interacting on a narrow subject where you are supposed to stay on topic. I learned so much random stuff about people there. There of course were get togethers every other year or so. I think things have gotten too focused and purpose-driven. Seems like a continuation of a general trend in society

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#622

Post by dragonwriter »

ajmurmann wrote: post #621
xtracto wrote: post #472

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Great insight! Another thing I came to realise is that current "social" media is extremely de-personalized (lack of a better term): back in the 80s and 90s, I participated in many public online places (I have always been shy in person). Those places (irc channels, WBS.net, ICQ, BBSs) were actually very social in that you actually made friendships. I travelled half the country after being invited to a Linux User Group…

Especially with BBSs there was a lot broader focus than on the thing they were formally about. For years I was active on a retrogaming forum. The forum of course had topic areas related to retro gaming, but more than half of them had nothing to do with that. We had movies, video games, quizzes, music, off-topic and probably a bunch more that I cannot remember. I think that led to people to actually form a community r…

> I think things have gotten to focused and purpose-driven.

If you are looking at something like a subreddit, yeah, it's pretty focussed. On other hand, sites that have their own forums, despite often nominally being as focussed or more than a single subreddit in terms of the nature of the community, are often open in the same way BBS’s were, because they can have multiple forums tied to the same community. Consider r/rpg vs. https://www.rpg.net for instance.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#623

Post by nunez »

caeril wrote: post #282
ChuckNorris89 wrote: post #3

I don't think tech or porn is the main culprit. It's that people now have way more entertainment options other than sex. Of course, a lot for those entertainment options are being driven by tech. Back in my dad's days, they were poor so the only entertainment options in their free time was drinking cheap home made alcohol, dancing and sex, while now we have gaming, Netflix, tic-tok, porn, traveling to the infinite In…

> Back in my dad's days, Obesity was much lower and bodies were much healthier and more vigorous. Erectile dysfunction was much less common, and average serum testosterone levels were higher. I guess it's uncouth to suggest that physical acts are more enjoyable with more physically attractive and capable populations, but I don't think it's something that should be discounted.

Source for all of those opinions?

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#624

Post by [deleted] »

Balgair wrote: post #234
sokoloff wrote: post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I am also less physically attractive if I’m 25# heavier than I should be. This goes to an even greater extent once that surplus tips towards 50#.

Aside: Woah, using the # (pound) symbol for lbs., why did I never think of that before? Thanks for blowing my mind a bit there sokoloff

[deleted]

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#625

Post by bena »

wccrawford wrote: post #422
bena wrote: post #303

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There's also some very weird survivorship bias going on. Everyone you meet is the child of people who have sex. Even if they had the child via in vitro or adopted or whatever. Your parents fuck. So your parents fuck. Your friends' parents fuck. That asshole who bullies you in high school. Their parents fuck. It really does seem like everyone is fucking all the time. You live in a neighborhood where most people will a…

Not having kids doesn't mean they aren't having sex. It isn't only a "very specific subset" of any circle.

Right. But if you aren't having sex, you aren't having kids. Growing up, you grow up in family. You grow up around families. You grow up around a group of adults who have all had sex.

The more you grow up and become independent and your circle deviates from those of your parents, the more likely it is you will start running into people who haven't had sex. Or don't have as many opportunities to do so. You may even become one of those people.

You think they're rarer than they are because you grow up surrounded by people who have sex. People with kids is a very specific subset.

So people like the article's author think people are having less sex when the reality is that he just knows more people who aren't having as much sex as his parents and their circle did.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#626

Post by ImPostingOnHN »

brazed_blotch wrote: post #268
Balgair wrote: post #234

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Aside: Woah, using the # (pound) symbol for lbs., why did I never think of that before? Thanks for blowing my mind a bit there sokoloff

As a non-american this would have been really confusing without your explanation.

I was wondering what an octothorpe weighed, but I guess weighing hash is more apropos

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#627

Post by nnoitra »

eropple wrote: post #576
brewdad wrote: post #501

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You can be the most interesting person in the world but that's cold comfort in a world of dating apps if you aren't physically "attractive".

I don't think that that's true. I'm not particularly attractive. I'm not tall. I'm not fit. And yet I do all right. I do have a great dog, but I don't think that makes up for it. But I do think that people can detect a shitty vibe pretty quickly even through a couple photos and a bio, and Not Being That is a significant step up.

As a matter of fact due to the halo effect attractive people are just considered to have better personalities and no women don't have supernatural abilities to detect "shitty vibes" it's basically just about looks.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#628

Post by chrismarlow9 »

germinalphrase wrote: post #478
kingkawn wrote: post #429

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Talking it ain't doing it. That you think that those topics bridge that gap is also indicative of why people aren't fucking.

I disagree to the degree that a whole lot of people in the world are walking around without a lot of knowledge about their own sexuality. They often don’t even understand what their gas and brakes really are - which is often not even directly connected to sexual function (but that’s a topic for sex therapy). That said, my gut impression is that people are less sociable and less socialized than we used to be. I believ…

Not sure how this plays into the back and forth, but my reasons are pretty simple. People use apps to find partners now, and I don't want to be on the apps. Of course I still meet people, and of course I'll find a partner. It just won't be through the primary mediums used by most. To me a dating app profile feels like looking for a partner by standing naked in the middle of a stadium and having everyone in the audience hold up a sign to rate you. I'll persue the people I like that I meet, and it will take longer. And I'm okay with that. Podcasts have helped me rekindle a life of my own. I believe too much TV and too much movie can give people the same feelings as too much Facebook or TikTok. You see all these sitcoms and reality shows and people's highlights and these relationships and feel like you're lacking. But TV and movies are fake, and so is most of social media. Stepping into the world of podcasts let me keep the entertainment without the depression of "why not me!?". That's my 2 cents anyway.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#629

Post by Kye »

guerrilla wrote: post #607
Kye wrote: post #598

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That sounds dreadful.

I suspect extremely few straight men would agree with you.

I'm not straight or a man, or a woman, and I was basing that on actual, real women I've talked to about their experiences with dating apps. It's a miserable experience.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#630

Post by blindmute »

ImPostingOnHN wrote: post #613
blindmute wrote: post #580

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You are unfortunately a victim of propaganda; many men today are. Women did not magically in the last 50 years override all biological instinct and traditional desires that they have had for millennia, even though media would like you to believe otherwise

whenever someone says "the media" has a single monolithic view, it seems to be that person demonstrating a persecution complex I've seen tons of "the media" contradicting your point, but I guess if you said "some people say this, others don't", your point wouldn't be as compelling

I said media, not "the media". And like my post would indicate by saying media, the large majority of popular media does just what I've said. Can you point out any popular media outlet that advocates for traditional gender roles? How about any targeted toward under 30s? Because I can point out literally dozens of unique, popular publications such as HP, WP, Vox which have published articles of the reverse viewpoint.

Whenever someone pretends that modern mass media is not overwhelmingly in favor of the current zeitgeist, it seems to me that person is either arguing in bad faith, or is startlingly naive. Finding one minute counterexample of a publication that no one has ever heard of does not imply an overall balanced media landscape. It would be as strange as arguing that western 'the media' doesn't support Ukraine over Russia; just absurdly incorrect to a cursory inspection.

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