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Sex is going out of fashion?

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Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#251

Post by bko »

chrismarlow9 wrote: post #135
bko wrote: post #25

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Entertainment has entered a tyranny of choice. I see it personally. I can watch nearly every show and movie that was ever created but I still flip through Netflix and RT endlessly, often times choosing not to watch anything. When I was younger I would just watch Seinfeld re-runs, with commercials and all. Am I more "entertained" today than I was when I was growing up? I'm not convinced. The weirdest thing is I don't…

Podcasts changed the game for me on this. Now there are entire days where I never turn the TV on. A bonus is that I can get basic chores done while listening or workout. It really freed me from the couch potato routine. A bonus is that many of them are educational and released weekly, so "binge" isn't really an option. There are certainly "junk food" podcasts that I listen to but the ratio of informative to junk comp…

I too love podcasts but I don't think the educational ones necessarily teach me much. Listening is too passive, especially if you're doing other things. If I'm not following a book or paying close attention, I'll put the book down. But its easy with well produced podcasts and audio to just continue listening while zoning out. I've listened to hours on a subject but if you were to quiz me on that subject I would be clueless. I don't think the same would be true if I had spent hours reading a book on a topic.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#252

Post by slategruen »

criddell wrote: post #14

Articles like this are often mostly focused on the male side of cisgendered male-female relationships. Have things not changed for women? Or how about among other types of people? Is gay sex going out of fashion too?

> Is gay sex going out of fashion too?

Glad you pointed this out. As a bisexual guy, I'd like to give some input. Sex between homosexual men is definitely not getting out of fashion. As a lot of these dating apps encourage short-lived relationships, it incentivizes a lot of these men to not commit in relationships and just have "fun." On the other hand (note that this is only based on my experience), a lot of women seem to have set higher and higher expectations within these dating apps similar to how it is in a typical social media platform like Instagram. I can't blame them though, it's part of human nature to aspire for more.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#253

Post by lesstyzing »

wnolens wrote: post #230
lesstyzing wrote: post #205

There are so many incel type comments in this thread and anytime this subject comes up. Online dating definitely isn’t fun but it’s not the shit show people here seem to make out. All of my friends met their long terms partners on dating apps. None of these men are particularly attractive. All are average looking at best. Personally I went from never dating to going on dates with a handful of people over a 6 month pe…

This is my experience too. There's lots of nice people out there trying to meet. You just need to know what you want, be actually ready to take the leap, and are realistic about your value (sorry to phrase it like that but it IS a market)

Totally agree. If you’re struggling to succeed on dating apps you need to reassess your value. It sounds a bit horrible but better to be realistic and eventually happy, than to demonise the people who aren’t picking you and turn angry at the world.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#254

Post by derbOac »

orangepurple wrote: post #154
kbrannigan wrote: post #138

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Get of these apps. I think many men who use apps, do so because they are too afraid to approach a woman they find attractive if the situation is appropriate. They don't bite, if you make a move with enough respect and confidence. In my opinion while convenient, they should be last resort.

They are only worth using as a man if you are ranked in the top 10% of superficial appearances. Those guys are going on dates with different women daily with these apps. If you don't believe me look up any YouTube video going undercover on Tinder masquerading as an attractive man. The thing is Tinder has 75 million active users. If we assume 75% of these active users are men, and only the top 10% of men will reliably…

There were some really interesting analyses presented by a dating app several years ago (I don't remember which; they had a blog and I'm worried it's now buried outside of Google's apparent time window). One of the most interesting things was that there was a mismatch between men and women in interest versus openness and confidence. I don't remember the details, but I think the problem was something like women were more interested in a wider range than you'd think, because they were more afraid to approach/make contact with men they were attracted to, and men were more picky about attractiveness but also more assertive about contacting women. The net result of it all was that there were these attractiveness ranges that were being neglected not because of attractiveness per se but because of complicated dynamics in confidence of approaching at different levels and how different genders on average acted on perceived attractiveness.

The analyses were like gender x attractiveness x willingness to approach x receptiveness to being approached. It looked like all four variables interacted at some level.

Maybe it wouldn't generalize and maybe I'm remembering it incorrectly but it was something like that.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#255

Post by scoutt »

saimiam wrote: post #228
figglestar wrote: post #181

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Young people in general are having less sex but young men are having a noteworthy amount less than young women. And the delta between the two groups is a new thing within the last 10 years or so.

So who are these (presumably primarily straight) young women having sex with?

I learn from the comments here that if you line up 100 women and 100 men, all 100 women will have sex with only 5 of the guys.

For which I don't think this is true at all...

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#256

Post by gowld »

spacemanmatt wrote: post #165
orangepurple wrote: post #75

95% of Tinder swipes by women are passes compared to 47% for men. Women tend to date up. Online dating apps are rigged for men. These apps are search engines optimized to match women with the top 5% of men. These apps are designed for women. Being average or even above average will almost never result in a date. Tinder was designed like a slot machine which will ruin your self-esteem from constant rejection but your…

> Women tend to date up What if the 53% of men swiping right ("accept") are attempting to date "up" I think there may be some hidden assumptions you should investigate, there.

everyone attempts it, but women succeed, because the top men date many, many women; many, many men date 0 women, and all the women date far fewer.

Draw a diagram to see the effect, or look at world cultures where polygamy is normal and most men are single or dead.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#257

Post by [deleted] »

webinvest wrote: post #233
orangepurple wrote: post #75

95% of Tinder swipes by women are passes compared to 47% for men. Women tend to date up. Online dating apps are rigged for men. These apps are search engines optimized to match women with the top 5% of men. These apps are designed for women. Being average or even above average will almost never result in a date. Tinder was designed like a slot machine which will ruin your self-esteem from constant rejection but your…

I wonder what number of suicides each year can be attributed to disenfranchisement on dating apps. They can rob an above average man of his self esteem, self worth, and self value from past accomplishments and cause depression.

[deleted]

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#258

Post by [deleted] »

jjj123 wrote: post #245
orangepurple wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They are only worth using as a man if you are ranked in the top 10% of superficial appearances. Those guys are going on dates with different women daily with these apps. If you don't believe me look up any YouTube video going undercover on Tinder masquerading as an attractive man. The thing is Tinder has 75 million active users. If we assume 75% of these active users are men, and only the top 10% of men will reliably…

While I don’t disagree that it’s probably hard for your average straight guy to get a date on Tinder, I encourage you to stop thinking about attractiveness as something objective that everyone agrees on. There’s no such thing as a 1-10 scale everyone falls on. We all have types, and sometimes those types run counter to the mainstream definition of “attractive”. The trick is to figure out what type you are, and try to…

[deleted]

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#259

Post by gowld »

Narretz wrote: post #179
ru552 wrote: post #152

Why all this talk about sex for "entertainment"? Am I in the minority since I have sex because I have an urge to do it? It's never been about entertainment in my brain.

So you are not entertained when you have sex? Or do you just do it so the urge is fulfilled?

Do you eat, drink, and breath for "entertainment", or to fulfil basic health functions?

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#260

Post by steve_adams_86 »

marttt wrote: post #210

I think more of thoughtful physical intimacy ( not porn ) in relationships would be a massive treatment for the depression epidemic modern world seems to suffer from. A contemporary poet and philosopher from my country considered eroticism the key to what he calls "ecological asceticism": physical intimacy and tenderness requires "no more energy than digging in your planting bed", but it forces us to attune to anothe…

I can’t speak for others, but I do know that I thought I could survive without others. I was completely mistaken and totally unaware of myself.

I’m introverted and well-suited to long stints of being alone, but ultimately that is nothing compared to a lifetime of being alone.

When I meet people who can’t articulate why they don’t want kids or a community or whatever, I worry they’re just as clueless as I was.

As with anything, I try to remind myself that I’m not an exception. The standard American diet tends to cause illness and disease faster than a whole food, plant based diet for example. I am not an exception to that rule; if I eat that way, I will suffer too. I’m not special. When humans are alone, they tend to die earlier and lead a lower quality of life (particularly later in life though, with evidence of higher quality earlier in life). I’m not an exception, in any case. We all want to believe we’re exceptions.

Note: Just skimming through the research and living a socially isolated life has mortality outcomes comparable to being obese. That’s incredible.

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