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Sex is going out of fashion?

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Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#131
post #105
post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I do wonder if the act of dating has gotten substantially less fun than it was in the past. At least if you go to a bar/concert/activity you may have fun and make plutonic friends, messaging random people on a dating site seems much more depressing.

It is very un fun, one of the big things I've noticed is online dating is very different experience for men and women. Both have their negatives and positives, but it create a weird dynamic of how people date.

Life in general is very different for people with different genders. Especially if they are considered conventionally attractive.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#132
post #34

The real culprit isn’t porn, it is mainly the change in societal expectations and the ease of changing your baseline expectations. Our relationships have become extremely disposable. You are one Instagram DM away from moving onto the next one. Dating websites and apps largely have the same problems.

> You are one Instagram DM away from moving onto the next one. Is this reality for the HN audience?

The HN age demographic seems older than most online communities.

If they aren't using apps for quick thrills, they are moving to the Villages and using an upside-down pineapple as an ironic bat signal for some fruitless copulation.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#133

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think that all the things you listed are definitely culprits, but I wouldn't be so quick to discount porn. Anecdotally, I myself and many otherwise healthy, sociable young men I know have pretty serious porn addictions. I really wish there would be more research done on the negative impacts of pornography, especially on young men and teens/pre-teens. I know typically any anti-porn sentiment is met with "Oh you're j…

Yeah, but porn addiction is a consequence I think. If all men could get laid whenever they'd feel like it with a willing partner, then porn use would plummet. I haven't met many women into porn, probably because a one night stand is just a zero effort tinder swipe away, from the comfort of your pijamas in your living room. As a man, you end up turning to porn or paying for sex, or drinking or doing drugs, to compensa…

I'm not so sure. The average age someone is the first time they watch porn is 11, well before some of the issues you mentioned would manifest.

When a porn addiction is developed before you hit your teens it's hard to blame a dysfunctional sex life on externalities.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#134

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think that all the things you listed are definitely culprits, but I wouldn't be so quick to discount porn. Anecdotally, I myself and many otherwise healthy, sociable young men I know have pretty serious porn addictions. I really wish there would be more research done on the negative impacts of pornography, especially on young men and teens/pre-teens. I know typically any anti-porn sentiment is met with "Oh you're j…

Yeah, but porn addiction is a consequence I think. If all men could get laid whenever they'd feel like it with a willing partner, then porn use would plummet. I haven't met many women into porn, probably because a one night stand is just a zero effort tinder swipe away, from the comfort of your pijamas in your living room. As a man, you end up turning to porn or paying for sex, or drinking or doing drugs, to compensa…

I think that "probably" could make due with some nuance. A Tinder swipe away is a very high-risk way of having sex. There's so many men out there that truly do not treat women well, and that one wouldn't want to have sex with. Yet, nothing inhibits them from having very well-curated Tinder profiles.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#135
post #25

I don't think tech or porn is the main culprit. It's that people now have way more entertainment options other than sex. Of course, a lot for those entertainment options are being driven by tech. Back in my dad's days, they were poor so the only entertainment options in their free time was drinking cheap home made alcohol, dancing and sex, while now we have gaming, Netflix, tic-tok, porn, traveling to the infinite In…

Entertainment has entered a tyranny of choice. I see it personally. I can watch nearly every show and movie that was ever created but I still flip through Netflix and RT endlessly, often times choosing not to watch anything. When I was younger I would just watch Seinfeld re-runs, with commercials and all. Am I more "entertained" today than I was when I was growing up? I'm not convinced. The weirdest thing is I don't…

Podcasts changed the game for me on this. Now there are entire days where I never turn the TV on. A bonus is that I can get basic chores done while listening or workout. It really freed me from the couch potato routine. A bonus is that many of them are educational and released weekly, so "binge" isn't really an option. There are certainly "junk food" podcasts that I listen to but the ratio of informative to junk compared to video content(movies, tv shows, etc) is way better. Though I will say YouTube has some excellent channels for learning.

Podcasts are similar to books though, you have to dig through a bit of garbage to find one that works for you. Here's my list:

- crime in sports

- Linux unplugged

- software engineering radio

- the knowledge project

- coinsec

- persona

- ten percent happier

- quanta podcast

- physics world weekly

- ologies

- darknet diaries

- stuff you should know

- the joy of why

- fall of civilizations

- smartless

- money talks

- planet money

- small town murder

- offensive security

- the journal

- programming throwdown

- timesuck

- Conan O'Brien needs a friend

- philosophize this

- against the odds

- levar Burton reads (no longer running)

- curiosity daily

- science weekly

- future of journalism

- wtf

- broken record

- idea cast

- swindled

- malicious life

- views room

- behind the bastards

- the exchange

- stuff to blow your mind

And for the "junk" I listen to just about every comedian podcast that exists: Bill Burr, Bobby Lee, Chris destefano, Stavros!, Tom Segura, (this list goes on a while...)

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#136

I don't think tech or porn is the main culprit. It's that people now have way more entertainment options other than sex. Of course, a lot for those entertainment options are being driven by tech. Back in my dad's days, they were poor so the only entertainment options in their free time was drinking cheap home made alcohol, dancing and sex, while now we have gaming, Netflix, tic-tok, porn, traveling to the infinite In…

> Also, adult dating and meeting people for the post-college working professionals, has largely moved from clubs/bars/the office to online dating apps, or lonely depression in your apartment, eating or drinking your feelings away, for those without success in the WFH, remote-everything, online dating world. Especially with the lockdowns.

And those "dating" apps can hardly be called dating apps in most cases. They're designed to mess with the underlying sexual dynamic of men and women. If they were meant for romance, they'd have more mechanisms in place to help strangers actually date and get to know each other. Instead, they're a meat market, and the sad thing is more and more people are growing up in a world where they know no different. If you think about it, dating apps have no incentive to try and get people to actually meet in real life. Not only does that raise the potential for liability, but that means fewer eyeballs on their product at any given time.

Tinder knows very well that their product is selling attention to women and the promise of sex to countless men they know have next to zero chance based on their looks alone. As OK Cupid was losing its position as a dating app, I remember them putting out an advertising campaign featuring the initialism "DTF", which tells you all you need to know. They might even still be doing it, for all I know. I remember it from billboards and posters in Santa Monica.

> I don't think tech or porn is the main culprit. It's that people now have way more entertainment options other than sex. Of course, a lot for those entertainment options are being driven by tech.

I don't buy this one bit. The number of entertainment options is correlative, but who has demonstrated that it's causative? Yes, there is a chance that the proliferation of entertainment options is the primary cause, but unless a double-blind study has or will be done to test whether the sex drive is actually in competition with entertainment, I have very sincere doubts.

Furthermore, the porn industry is in no way declining. If people were losing an instinctive interest in sex, why would they be watching porn? What if people actually want sex, but they are too ill equipped to obtain it IRL?

And we haven't even brought up declining androgen levels in males.

Sex isn't going out of fashion. If anything, we are hypersexualized. The goal of sex isn't merely to propagate genes, but to propagate selected genes. Our current environment allows us to select our mates to such an extent that even more people are seleced out of the gene pool for a variety of reasons. Either we're perpetually thinking we can do better, or that we're never good enough or are too ugly, or are totally clueless because Boomer and Gen X parenting have been a disaster.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#137
This is pretty sparse on citations/evidence compared to the usual HN trending fare. Some commenters are suggesting TFA is equating declining birth rate to declining sex. I don't particularly see it, they seem to be suggesting both are declining (it doesn't typically take much unprotected sex to procreate, modulo fertility issues), but either way, that's still a veridical statement that deserves data.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#138

95% of Tinder swipes by women are passes compared to 47% for men. Women tend to date up. Online dating apps are rigged for men. These apps are search engines optimized to match women with the top 5% of men. These apps are designed for women. Being average or even above average will almost never result in a date. Tinder was designed like a slot machine which will ruin your self-esteem from constant rejection but your…

Get of these apps. I think many men who use apps, do so because they are too afraid to approach a woman they find attractive if the situation is appropriate.

They don't bite, if you make a move with enough respect and confidence.

In my opinion while convenient, they should be last resort.

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#139

I don't think tech or porn is the main culprit. It's that people now have way more entertainment options other than sex. Of course, a lot for those entertainment options are being driven by tech. Back in my dad's days, they were poor so the only entertainment options in their free time was drinking cheap home made alcohol, dancing and sex, while now we have gaming, Netflix, tic-tok, porn, traveling to the infinite In…

> has largely moved from clubs/bars/the office to online dating apps

Online dating apps which have a huge incentive to keep people on their site as long as possible too...

Re: Sex is going out of fashion?

#140
post #38

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That, and most are still holding people in their 20s to the same standards as generations able to start a family with the credentials of Homer Simpson.

People in their 20s having their own digs is, I think, a decidedly American phenomenon. In most of the poorer parts of the world (including, for example, Central and Eastern Europe), 30+ years ago younger crowd managed to have sex just fine, using dorm rooms, snatching time while parents were away, etc. My 2c.

Aren't we talking about people in their 20s? You seem to be describing teenagers. For people in their 20s, it's always been quite normal to have a job, a home, and, at some point during their 20s, to get married.
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