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On Aging Alone (2021)

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Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#281

Post by denton-scratch »

snvzz wrote: post #126
bowsamic wrote: post #124

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I find it bizarre and unsettling that there is a big group of HN users who seem to be scared of death

SENS isn't about death. It's about undoing aging. For as long as I am alive, I'd rather stay as young and healthy as possible. Wouldn't you?

How can you "stay young", if you are in fact old?

Youth isn't just a question of fitness and years. Youth pulls in recklessness, a belief in your own immortality, an uncertainty about who you are or what you're for, and a diminished awareness of the past (because you've experienced less of it). There's no medical treatment or fitness regime that will give those things back to you.

If you even want them; the loss of those things, or at least some of them, might be considered wisdom.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#282

Post by LambdaComplex »

Talanes wrote: post #42
aortega wrote: post #36

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>They can't date older women because older women spot their bullshit a mile away and steer clear. I think you should stop demonizing men's natural sexual preferences. Key word here is natural, we don't choose what we like. Nature choose for us, and young women are better at having children. Same reason young girls choose tall, rich men, because they are better at surviving and have more resources for raising children…

We don't know what the default state of human attraction is because we don't have access to a control population of human beings without the same shared societal history of the rest of us. Which is to say, it's incorrect to broaden your personal attractions to all men, and especially incorrect to try and couch it in some argument of biological naturalism.

Well, I'm certainly not gonna go ask the Sentinelese about their dating preferences

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#283

Post by rajin444 »

hn_version_0023 wrote: post #215
bowsamic wrote: post #211

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The US is worse for it than a lot of other western countries tho. Unless you’re religious, that is

I’m a lifelong atheist, but I am starting to look at religion simply for the community and fellowship. But honestly I don’t want to be religious. It seems like it entirely suspends one’s ability to think critically, and I have so little of that particular talent that letting go of what I do what feels like a disaster in the making. It feels exceptionally hard to go into it with an open mind.

Start thinking about religion as an organic solution to the human need for community. Whatever made up stories they teach don’t matter outside of how it builds and protects the community. This will result in some individuals not being permitted (unfairly at times - a bad apple can spoil the bunch). There is no perfect answer to the human condition.

Or you can try to make your own religion (or political ideology if you want to use the modern term). There’s a few trying to form in the west right now, but they don’t have much of an emphasis on creating healthy communities as they do dominating the culture. I don’t think they’re helpful if you’re lonely.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#284

Post by denton-scratch »

taylorius wrote: post #266
denton-scratch wrote: post #251

Earlier quoted context omitted.

/me 65, two kids, two grandkids, two marriages, each of about 15 years. Both times the wife divorced me, rather than vv. (and no doubt that says something about me). Both times the relationship was rocky, but I would have stuck it out were it not for being sued by my supposedly-trusted life partner. I haven't had many girlfriends either, but I haven't felt that as a "lack". I've never had many friends either - usuall…

It's very interesting what you say, how you miss certain aspects of companionship. Do you find the maintenance of friendships and of intimate relationships difficult in the same way? Personally I find almost no overlap between the two categories. I've actually found most of my most intense friendships via computers - though those are few, and to be honest I've mellowed in my middle age. I'm trying my hand at making f…

> Do you find the maintenance of friendships and of intimate relationships difficult in the same way?

I don't find it difficult to maintain an intimate relationship, until the writ arrives! I can compromise, I can listen (up to a point - I am a man, after all), and I'm pretty tolerant.

In both friendships and intimate relationships, I expect two-way trust. The difference is that in an intimate relationship, I'm relying on that trust; I don't place the same reliance on a good friend. I think it would be unkind (and unfriendly) to lean that heavily on a friend.

I lost my closest and oldest friend when he stole something from me (it actually was my partner's, which made it much worse, because she had relied on my trust in him). But in general, I wouldn't be that put-out if a good friend broke trust; people have lives to live, they make commitments to new people, and they make new friends that might take a dislike to you. These things happen, but I don't expect them to happen in a committed relationship.

But they do happen; so clearly my expectations are still out of whack with reality.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#285

Post by randomhodler84 »

baby wrote: post #278
randomhodler84 wrote: post #267

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Far better to be alone than with the wrong person. People settle for what is convenient. The wrong person is a fate worse than death.

You’re never going to find mr or ms right

I know, but I don’t care. I also believe that having children is deeply unethical given the state of the world. Birthing new humans into this dystopian hellscape we find ourselves in is torture.

Humans waste far too much of their time on unproductive persists like relationships and families. Nobody outside these structures cares what is achieved and rightfully so, human influenced by neurochemicals to influence behavior to spread genetic material, news at 11.

Meanwhile some people are building things, yourself included, that have never existed before and push humanity forward.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#286

Post by b3morales »

dennis_jeeves1 wrote: post #197
qgin wrote: post #91

Loving families are easy to idealize from afar. How many families actually fit that profile? I’m not entirely sure. This is not a jaded attempt to say the pursuit of relationships or family aren’t worthwhile. I just want to set some context here for those feeling lonely, for those who feel like they are standing outside in the cold on the street looking through windows into warm living rooms full of people with warm…

>How many families actually fit that profile? I’m not entirely sure. Not many. >I’m the only one of my siblings who has consistently been on speaking terms with either of my divorced parents. A large number of people (over 3/4 - perhaps close to 95 %) are dysfunctional or immature in a major way. The are pawns in the game of evolution. >Even given all I’ve said so far, I hope I can build one someday. It boils down to…

This seems like an odd statement, since "dysfunctional" can only be defined in contrast to the majority behavior. It's like the chestnut that 80% of drivers are above average.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#287

Post by nazgulnarsil »

lelele wrote: post #202
nazgulnarsil wrote: post #73

Focus on what you can do for others, not what others can do for you. Activities will gradually lose their luster as you age, if you are focused on what you get from them. In Buddhist terms: cultivate mudita, sympathetic joy in the joys of others. It is nigh impossible to make yourself happy, yet seemingly trivial to make others happy, if you are keeping an eye out for the opportunity.

> yet seemingly trivial to make others happy, if you are keeping an eye out for the opportunity. Trivial? Would you expand on this? Any examples? Thank you.

A kind word or act takes a moment of your time but can leave the other person thinking about it for days, weeks, years. You probably have memories of other people doing nice things for you.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#288

Post by taylorius »

seunosewa wrote: post #271
taylorius wrote: post #252

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sure, I can share - and needless to say, the vast majority of the problem is on my side. My wife is indeed a great woman - very emotionally focussed though, in quite an intense way, and highly intelligent in an intuitive way. She's honest and loyal though, and good looking. A real catch, in other words. The problem that I bring, is that I don't really have a core personality (at least, not one that anyone sees - I ha…

Let her in anyway. She might not leave, but if she does, you'll know that you gave yourself a chance to be your true 'dark' self with her. Your dark self may be treatable, even.

I don't know that I want to treat it - it's the core of me after all, and I've only ever felt "broken" in a marriage situation. And it's not like my thoughts are always dark anyway, it varies. It's more like a conversation between two people, with 100% trust, and where nothing is off limits - but it all takes place in my head. So it's difficult to share, because it's self contained and dynamic. As I mentioned, I grew up entirely by myself for much of the time, and I suppose my internal conversations grew to become my primary source of entertainment. It's hard to just "fix" that, it's who I am.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#289

Post by JeremyNT »

qgin wrote: post #91

Loving families are easy to idealize from afar. How many families actually fit that profile? I’m not entirely sure. This is not a jaded attempt to say the pursuit of relationships or family aren’t worthwhile. I just want to set some context here for those feeling lonely, for those who feel like they are standing outside in the cold on the street looking through windows into warm living rooms full of people with warm…

Quoting Tolstoy may seem low effort, but it feels warranted here:

"All happy families are alike, but every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#290

Post by seydor »

derbOac wrote: post #12
rr808 wrote: post #11

Earlier quoted context omitted.

4) old enough to be the father of those I consider Yeah this is the real problem. Sure everyone wants to date 20 year old models, but you have to be special to do this. You really would have a lot more than no success with people your own age.

An aside, but not everyone wants to date 20 year old models.

And not all 20 y o are models. People with little romantic experience tend to fit better with younger women because women of the same age generally have more romantic experience
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