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On Aging Alone (2021)

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Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#191

Post by Kliment »

williamvds wrote: post #175
kromem wrote: post #50

AI companionships for the elderly is going to be a beyond massive market by the time we're all old. Sometimes we just need people to listen, and in that AI will exceed most humans, who are generally just waiting for their chance to have someone else listen to them. I'm starting to see the initial beginnings of that market, and already the reviews are eye opening. People gushing over how much of a difference a text-ch…

Short story idea: An elderly person living isolated with their best friend. All amenities are delivered autonomously, so we only see these two the entire time. The friend starts acting strangely over time, as if he's developing the early stages of dementia. Slowly hint that the best friend is in fact an AI of some sort, but the protagonist has lived with them so long that they have forgotten. The protagonist eventual…

You might like https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robot_%26_Frank

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#192

Post by ta44445 »

taylorius wrote: post #133

I'll add my own data point into the mix. I'm 49, have been married for 22 years, with kids who are either grown up, or well on their way. Throughout my life though, I have been an absolute loner in spirit. I grew up quite isolated, in the UK countryside, and learned to amuse myself early on. My first love was computers, which luckily has served me fairly well, career-wise. I haven't had many girlfriends, and felt ver…

This resonates a bit with me. I'm at an earlier point in life (25 now), so I realize giving advice may be naïve, but I feel inclined to share my experience so far still.

I share the part of your story about liking computers and getting a wonderful career out of it - I currently work remotely in a low cost of living country making six USD figures, so I'm quite well into the 1% income bracket locally. Up until maybe a year or so ago, I'd been in 3 relationships, all multi-year, including a long distance one during university. It always felt that I had been missing out on the "single guy" part of life, and looking back now, my relationships weren't all that fulfilling; mostly they were probably a way to not be alone, although I still felt alone, and was ok with that.

This past ~year I've been out casually with many women (maybe something like 15?) and... It's fun, but obviously it's not fulfilling other than for ego reasons. I think the main positive thing in it is that I know it's "just ok" and don't have to wonder about it; if I had committed early on this would likely be something that would always be on my mind. What if I was letting my best life go by? Well, I haven't found ultimate happiness, but I have found comfort in the fact that I looked for it at least, and won't regret not having done so.

For me, casual relationships aren't really fulfilling, and committed ones aren't either. I've learned to be alone and even a bit alien from early on, and don't resent it.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#193

Post by refurb »

Gigachad wrote: post #69
supernova87a wrote: post #4

These are the life choices we make, whether through biology, mentality, or environment. For me, one of the key factors is that the signal-to-noise you have to endure with friends to get the few moments of gratification is so low that it's draining. Maybe it's a product of having a high bar for what constitutes new and interesting/entertaining for me (compared against spending time alone), combined with already being…

Listen to yourself. When you start talking about the signal to noise ratio and calculating the return on investment of social interactions, its time to step away from the keyboard and reevaluate your life. Your brain has been fried by hustle culture.

Very Gigachad comment, Gigachad!

The most relaxing time for me is going back to the small beach town where my surviving parent retired.

The pace is slow. It takes a few days for me to downshift from a “fit everything in you wanted to do” to the “lets see what the day brings” mindset.

You might go for a walk, run into a friend and decide to just stop by for a coffee for an hour and catch up. After that? Who knows. Maybe walk down main street and find something to eat (without looking up reviews on Yelp). Have a drink before heading home and reading a book for an hour until you fall asleep.

The urge to hyper-optimize every living minute is a very common mindset among certain groups of people. And it’s often what’s needed to reach the higher socio-economic levels.

But man can it be toxic. It starts to become a goal in and of itself. It’s no longer about the “best” life but rather the “most optimum”. Yes, it’s worthwhile to figure out the best job between the two choices. But it’s also good sometimes to stop trying to optimize and just enjoy where you are at that moment.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#194

Post by sinenomine »

kromem wrote: post #50

AI companionships for the elderly is going to be a beyond massive market by the time we're all old. Sometimes we just need people to listen, and in that AI will exceed most humans, who are generally just waiting for their chance to have someone else listen to them. I'm starting to see the initial beginnings of that market, and already the reviews are eye opening. People gushing over how much of a difference a text-ch…

>We're approaching a world I think beyond most of our imaginations faster than we realize.

I don't think so, the policymaker circles that composed and internalized the book https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Pentagon%27s_New_Map while cashing out on the last drips of the https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Demographic_dividend anticipated this exact outcome decades before, as if they have seen it in a magic crystal ball.

What do said policy circles expect right now, I wonder? Ah, I see https://americanaffairsjournal.org/2021/05/the-brazilianizat...

...

Yes, the dependency ratio will spike, and the demographic pyramid will become an increasingly unstable structure. Our current way of life with its dopaminergic entertainment and frantic rat races will acquire increasingly dusty, morbid connotations in the eyes of the future generations which will have to bear, as you say, "a whole host of problems". Yes, it won't be pretty.

Such simple truth as "Demography is destiny" will be reluctantly understood only when it's way too late to conceive more descendants to save our society from imminent ageing and decline.

To avoid this endgame there is no realistic alternative, but to have more children right now.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#195

Post by _xrp0 »

throwaway892238 wrote: post #95

Do not try to fight loneliness. It is a natural part of life, like thunderstorms. You can try to tease it apart, understand how it works, where it comes from, try to predict it, come up with coping mechanisms. But the storms still come regardless. They are here for a reason, with their appropriate place in a natural system. But we don't need to understand the reason to accept it. Acknowledge the feeling, sit with it…

Disagree. I was lonely in my teens, but ever since I met my wife I haven't been lonely. Ever.

Married for 10 years now.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#196

Post by taylorius »

ta44445 wrote: post #192
taylorius wrote: post #133

I'll add my own data point into the mix. I'm 49, have been married for 22 years, with kids who are either grown up, or well on their way. Throughout my life though, I have been an absolute loner in spirit. I grew up quite isolated, in the UK countryside, and learned to amuse myself early on. My first love was computers, which luckily has served me fairly well, career-wise. I haven't had many girlfriends, and felt ver…

This resonates a bit with me. I'm at an earlier point in life (25 now), so I realize giving advice may be naïve, but I feel inclined to share my experience so far still. I share the part of your story about liking computers and getting a wonderful career out of it - I currently work remotely in a low cost of living country making six USD figures, so I'm quite well into the 1% income bracket locally. Up until maybe a…

Not at all naive, anyone might have a piece of the puzzle, no matter what their age is. It sounds to me like you've done a better job than I did, exploring relationships with women, and figuring out what works for you, so hats off! Tbh I wish I had've had access to the sort of information that's available online now, even just as a window into the breadth of people's views - they can redefine what is a "viable" viewpoint or lifestyle, and help a person find their way to a life that makes them happy.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#197

Post by dennis_jeeves1 »

qgin wrote: post #91

Loving families are easy to idealize from afar. How many families actually fit that profile? I’m not entirely sure. This is not a jaded attempt to say the pursuit of relationships or family aren’t worthwhile. I just want to set some context here for those feeling lonely, for those who feel like they are standing outside in the cold on the street looking through windows into warm living rooms full of people with warm…

>How many families actually fit that profile? I’m not entirely sure.

Not many.

>I’m the only one of my siblings who has consistently been on speaking terms with either of my divorced parents.

A large number of people (over 3/4 - perhaps close to 95 %) are dysfunctional or immature in a major way. The are pawns in the game of evolution.

>Even given all I’ve said so far, I hope I can build one someday.

It boils down to numbers really, so good luck. For functional people to bump into each other, it's is an needle in a haystack chance.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#198

Post by taylorius »

simonswords82 wrote: post #141
taylorius wrote: post #133

I'll add my own data point into the mix. I'm 49, have been married for 22 years, with kids who are either grown up, or well on their way. Throughout my life though, I have been an absolute loner in spirit. I grew up quite isolated, in the UK countryside, and learned to amuse myself early on. My first love was computers, which luckily has served me fairly well, career-wise. I haven't had many girlfriends, and felt ver…

Hi fellow UK person. Sounds like you're just about to make a relatively large (perhaps dramatic?) change to your home and work life. Some people would call that a mid-life crisis but I think it's people realising the shortness of life and making sure they don't waste whatever they have left of it. Hope whatever the outcome it's a net positive :)

Hey fellow UK person!

I may be on the brink, as you say, about to jump - or I may just be all talk. I'm not sure myself, if I'm honest :-) Though I am sure that I definitely prefer solitude + a number of friends now and again, rather than one super intense soul-mate all the time.

Thanks for the good wishes, and best of luck to you too!

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#199

Post by burglekutt »

ffwd wrote: post #170

I think we can't trust our emotions. Evolutionary speaking it was probably a good idea for the brain to send a signal for us to be with the group so that we don't stray off alone, and as such this manifested in some brain function that sends the signal of loneliness like the OP describes from his school days. However I think the issue is that we think these emotions tell us something grander about our lives but I don…

Agree. Our emotions are not adapted for the world we’ve built, yet they almost have superuser access to our physiology and meaning-making. Usually your neocortex follows the emotions and makes stories that support the emotion, and that can be tragic because the emotion often gets stuck on a false alarm.

Getting the neocortex somewhat more in control seems to be a difficult and lifelong (but worthwhile) skill to develop. Witness the lucrative self-help industry for the scale of the problem/opportunity.

Re: On Aging Alone (2021)

#200

Post by taylorius »

ta44445 wrote: post #192
taylorius wrote: post #133

I'll add my own data point into the mix. I'm 49, have been married for 22 years, with kids who are either grown up, or well on their way. Throughout my life though, I have been an absolute loner in spirit. I grew up quite isolated, in the UK countryside, and learned to amuse myself early on. My first love was computers, which luckily has served me fairly well, career-wise. I haven't had many girlfriends, and felt ver…

This resonates a bit with me. I'm at an earlier point in life (25 now), so I realize giving advice may be naïve, but I feel inclined to share my experience so far still. I share the part of your story about liking computers and getting a wonderful career out of it - I currently work remotely in a low cost of living country making six USD figures, so I'm quite well into the 1% income bracket locally. Up until maybe a…

BTW, I 100% sympathise with being alone and alien. Alien is an apt description, actually. I came to love the delicious distance, and feeling of otherness. It was a slightly depressive feeling, but very comforting. Not many people can appreciate that, I've found.
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