31–40 of 270 posts
The fact that someone would write this on a blog give me the sense that he/she is over analysing this dating thing. Analysis works for accounting and engineering, it does not work for dating. So stop analysing and go have some fun in life.
ignorance is never the superior tactic
I find the discussion of ghosting interesting. If I've gone on a bad date or two I don't specifically tell the other person I don't want to see them again unless they ask me. This allows for a lot more saving face if I run into them in the future (we can both pretend it just fell through the cracks) and is exactly how I want to be treated. While I appreciate the honesty I do find it a little condescending when someon…
Tbh ghosting isn't as bad as saying one thing and then making excuses to not go through it. I've been on dates where I thought it went well, I got the "let's do this again", and then whenever I suggested "let's do it again on X day?" I get excuses. If they don't want to that's fine, they don't even have to say no just don't reply! But the leading on is annoying...
If you also were ambivalent about the date you now have the option of just fading out while both parties save face.
If you really liked her and think you'll be a good match you can try and rescue the situation by suggesting a better date (better being some combination of more thoughtful, more expensive, or more personal). You're a little on the back foot but in my experience a lot of successful relationships start this way so you're by no means down and out.
I find the discussion of ghosting interesting. If I've gone on a bad date or two I don't specifically tell the other person I don't want to see them again unless they ask me. This allows for a lot more saving face if I run into them in the future (we can both pretend it just fell through the cracks) and is exactly how I want to be treated. While I appreciate the honesty I do find it a little condescending when someon…
I mean, it could be said in a nicer way. "I don't think we're a good match" or something similar is a lot more polite, for example. Most people take it well, in my experience (maybe because the feeling tends to be mutual).
Earlier quoted context omitted.
No actually females can typically "smell" (for lack of a better word) out of the sweat of males if the immune system markers are different enough to protect potential offspring from getting the same sicknesses as mother or father. "In several species, including rodents and fish, it has been shown that the Major Histocompatibility Complex (MHC) influences mating preferences" "This study thus supports the hypothesis th…
nb you said "typically" but the study says "some", and doesn't comment on if it's typical for any larger groups. For myself, can't say 23AndMe has ever asked if I think my partner smells good. Unless you meant female animals.
For humans, the effect appears to be there, but we don't have any stronger evidence. Then again, this might be unpopular to research due to its social implications.
Interesting that at no point does anyone stop and think, “Gee, maybe tearing down every institution and social obligation in the name of individualist consumerism wasn’t a good idea? Perhaps our ancestors and their thousands of years old traditions concerning marriage and dating weren’t outdated idiots after all?” Nope. The solution is always more dating apps, more self-help books, more targeted algorithms to find yo…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
> People can smell if their offspring will be healthy pretty quickly That's so interesting, it's not BO right or some bad perfume/cologne.
No actually females can typically "smell" (for lack of a better word) out of the sweat of males if the immune system markers are different enough to protect potential offspring from getting the same sicknesses as mother or father. "In several species, including rodents and fish, it has been shown that the Major Histocompatibility Complex (MHC) influences mating preferences" "This study thus supports the hypothesis th…
Most hormonal birth control functions by putting the body into a hormonal state that mimics pregnancy. If you're already carrying a baby, what you've evolved to look for in people to become close to during that time is actually people who are genetically more like you, rather than complementary. If for some reason you don't survive, your child will need a replacement for you, not a complement, especially if you conceived the child with someone complementary.
I don't have them to hand, but there have been several studies of this involving t-shirts worn for several days by different men and women smelling them and ranking them. If the women stop using birth control, their whole perception changes.
It's kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy. If your desire is specifically to have sex and not children, what you do to prevent children also makes you less likely to choose a partner who would produce children with you that would have the highest chances of survival.
It's small wonder that if you try to put that person into that role later, it's not going to go very well.
As long as people treat "dating" as some an online shopping for erotic pleasure, a form of cattle market to get cheap sex, they will just keep browsing and comparing, and quickly get bored and move on. True love can only be found if it's not all about eros, but also agape, and to know someone well enough that the latter can grow takes considerable time, and a willingness to understand a person deeply.
Related post (not mine): 4 types of "love": https://fromerostoagape.wordpress.com/2012/08/09/eros-romant...
I wish all readers of this post that they find their true love if they haven't done so yet.
I find the discussion of ghosting interesting. If I've gone on a bad date or two I don't specifically tell the other person I don't want to see them again unless they ask me. This allows for a lot more saving face if I run into them in the future (we can both pretend it just fell through the cracks) and is exactly how I want to be treated. While I appreciate the honesty I do find it a little condescending when someon…
Tbh ghosting isn't as bad as saying one thing and then making excuses to not go through it. I've been on dates where I thought it went well, I got the "let's do this again", and then whenever I suggested "let's do it again on X day?" I get excuses. If they don't want to that's fine, they don't even have to say no just don't reply! But the leading on is annoying...
Is it just me, or does this article really overthink way too much? IMO, dating is ultimately not a subject that could be analyzed by logic. At least not on on the personal / self-help level (of course sociology / statistics still work). Trying to find some kind of generally applicable "rules of the game" that would work for everyone (or even most) people seems somewhat "not even wrong". It's simply trying to use the…