The Agony of Eros: Dating
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The Agony of Eros: Dating
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Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating
#2Terrible agony: Wait for when you have kids.
Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating
#3The fact that someone would write this on a blog give me the sense that he/she is over analysing this dating thing. Analysis works for accounting and engineering, it does not work for dating. So stop analysing and go have some fun in life.
Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating
#4Not being in need of this solution space, but interested in the massive dynamic shift from my time across the 70s and 80s.
I don't think modern dating is nice. I don't just think that's technophobic thinking, I think it's too introspective and risky.
Things were different when it was landline phone calls and note passing. We were less concerned to be helped by friends, it was normal. Nowadays there is a strong tendency to keep relationships private until ready.
"Warts and all" is hard through a lens.
Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating
#5The fact that someone would write this on a blog give me the sense that he/she is over analysing this dating thing. Analysis works for accounting and engineering, it does not work for dating. So stop analysing and go have some fun in life.
ignorance is never the superior tactic
Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating
#6The article was well written but I think it falls victim to bubble of anecdata in the dating and social media world online.
What I mean is the people online who are dating and talking about dating online are more likely to be experience the agony of Eros. Than those who are dating or in a relationship but not sharing about it online. Sort of like a signal to noise ratio that is highly squeued towards the love fails than love wins.
Love will never be solved, regardless of classical theories or modern day ones. Just go for it and don't think to much about the theoretical
Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating
#7We expect more from our partners than ever before—we want them to be our true love, our best friend, our coparenting partner, and the person we combine our finances with.
Curious what is their idea of 'before'. Unless they mean pre-industrial societies.
Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating
#8I find the discussion of ghosting interesting. If I've gone on a bad date or two I don't specifically tell the other person I don't want to see them again unless they ask me. This allows for a lot more saving face if I run into them in the future (we can both pretend it just fell through the cracks) and is exactly how I want to be treated.
While I appreciate the honesty I do find it a little condescending when someone messages me "just so you know, I don't want to see you again" after a bad date. But some people consider not doing this to be the equivalent of going from daily messaging to total radio silence out of nowhere after dating for months.
Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating
#9I believe this very nicely ties in with "No one expects young men to do anything and they are responding by doing nothing" https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31143279
We have turned sexual partners into an affluent commodity, thanks to apps. With a bit of paid boosting, you can show your profile to 1000+ potential partners and surely a few of them will have a favorable first impression. We've also successfully reframed being sexually promiscuous as not being limited by religion / social norms / the patriarchy. Plus we've all but eliminated potentially negative consequences with birth control. And our entire society celebrates a "hustle" and "fake it till you make it" culture.
The article's complains "men signal emotional seriousness that they don’t actually feel" which I'd say is "fake it till you make it" combined with very low investment due to oversupply of partners.
"you’ll likely be terrified the person you like will meet someone else they like more, or likes you but doesn’t like you enough to commit" also just means that there's a high level of competition, due to oversupply of partners.
And lastly, the article nicely points out that everyone wants a "quick fix", which is why you can buy tons of books and guides on how to behave, i.e. imitating the correct gestures, but very few people put in the effort to actually learn to become a good communicator.
But the article also has one huge oversight in my opinion: Pheromones and genetic compatibility. People can smell if their offspring will be healthy pretty quickly, but it's impossible to screen for this with apps. That's how people end up with so many dates where they should like the other person, but for some reason they don't. I believe this is also why some people ghost each other after the first intimate contact. "I didn't like his/her smell" is a common reason to stop dating, after all.
We as a society need to accept that not everything can be fixed and improved with self-help courses. Some people just won't match on a genetic level and there's little you can do to fix that.
Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating
#10The fact that someone would write this on a blog give me the sense that he/she is over analysing this dating thing. Analysis works for accounting and engineering, it does not work for dating. So stop analysing and go have some fun in life.
ignorance is never the superior tactic
It is true, however ignorance and analysis are not mutually exclusive. Just because one analyse it doesn't mean one can avoid being ignorant. Certain things are just not meant for analysis. Dating, Love fun are in those things for my personal experiences.