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The Agony of Eros: Dating

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Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#21
I cannot relate with the whole "dating" thing one bit. It's not just that I am old now. All I hear is "apps" and silly comments on "how we this and that".

I'd go as far as saying avoid people who spew things like "we" on the internet. It's crap. They don't know you, and you don't know them.

Go to bars. They're full of young people looking for love. Don't fall into this app dating thing. It's a trap. Why else would they be tripping over to promote it?

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#22
post #16

I believe this very nicely ties in with "No one expects young men to do anything and they are responding by doing nothing" https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31143279 We have turned sexual partners into an affluent commodity, thanks to apps. With a bit of paid boosting, you can show your profile to 1000+ potential partners and surely a few of them will have a favorable first impression. We've also successfully refr…

> People can smell if their offspring will be healthy pretty quickly That's so interesting, it's not BO right or some bad perfume/cologne.

No actually females can typically "smell" (for lack of a better word) out of the sweat of males if the immune system markers are different enough to protect potential offspring from getting the same sicknesses as mother or father.

"In several species, including rodents and fish, it has been shown that the Major Histocompatibility Complex (MHC) influences mating preferences"

"This study thus supports the hypothesis that the MHC influences mate choice in some human populations."

https://journals.plos.org/plosgenetics/article?id=10.1371/jo...

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#23

Is it just me, or does this article really overthink way too much? IMO, dating is ultimately not a subject that could be analyzed by logic. At least not on on the personal / self-help level (of course sociology / statistics still work). Trying to find some kind of generally applicable "rules of the game" that would work for everyone (or even most) people seems somewhat "not even wrong". It's simply trying to use the…

I found it interesting. Being an older person in a long term relationship with someone I met in high school, the online dating stuff seems much harder for a lot of reasons.

Firstly, meet someone when you are young they are more likely to be of a similar socio-economic group and share a lot of values by default.

Second (and I realise this is controversial) if you fall in love when you are young and stupid, the pair of you will become adults together and that shared experience will get you through shit that would turn your hair white.

I thought the article provided some insight into how you are supposed to replace the older model of dating when the tech side of things offers too much pressure to do things quickly i.e. assess and cast off, or move straight to sex in a week.

So to me it seemed like an assessment of things you should consider to slow things down, be honest with yourself and prospective partners. Not overthinking, properly thinking.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#24
Interesting that at no point does anyone stop and think, “Gee, maybe tearing down every institution and social obligation in the name of individualist consumerism wasn’t a good idea? Perhaps our ancestors and their thousands of years old traditions concerning marriage and dating weren’t outdated idiots after all?”

Nope. The solution is always more dating apps, more self-help books, more targeted algorithms to find your perfect match and fulfill your individualist desires for pleasure and purpose. If you aren’t happy with your dating situation, it’s because you aren’t knowledgeable or hard-working enough.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#25

I cannot relate with the whole "dating" thing one bit. It's not just that I am old now. All I hear is "apps" and silly comments on "how we this and that". I'd go as far as saying avoid people who spew things like "we" on the internet. It's crap. They don't know you, and you don't know them. Go to bars. They're full of young people looking for love. Don't fall into this app dating thing. It's a trap. Why else would th…

> Go to bars. They're full of young people looking for love.

Are they though? I mean When I meet people through apps I know exactly what they're looking for. But approaching people I've met in person for the first time leads to a whole spew of issues mostly due to me not knowing what they're looking for (as most people tend not to be communicative about that as the article describes).

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#26
post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> People can smell if their offspring will be healthy pretty quickly That's so interesting, it's not BO right or some bad perfume/cologne.

No actually females can typically "smell" (for lack of a better word) out of the sweat of males if the immune system markers are different enough to protect potential offspring from getting the same sicknesses as mother or father. "In several species, including rodents and fish, it has been shown that the Major Histocompatibility Complex (MHC) influences mating preferences" "This study thus supports the hypothesis th…

nb you said "typically" but the study says "some", and doesn't comment on if it's typical for any larger groups. For myself, can't say 23AndMe has ever asked if I think my partner smells good.

Unless you meant female animals.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#27
post #7

We expect more from our partners than ever before—we want them to be our true love, our best friend, our coparenting partner, and the person we combine our finances with. Curious what is their idea of 'before'. Unless they mean pre-industrial societies.

True love is a very modern concept that used to be restricted to fairytales.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#28
at some point one realizes that people like to make up dramatic situations in their own minds and then live in that reality, and that's a form of self-gratification. According to Brave New World, we should have gotten over this neo-religion of romance that hollywood preached.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#29

The fact that someone would write this on a blog give me the sense that he/she is over analysing this dating thing. Analysis works for accounting and engineering, it does not work for dating. So stop analysing and go have some fun in life.

ignorance is never the superior tactic

It's more favorable than operating on false beliefs.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#30

The fact that someone would write this on a blog give me the sense that he/she is over analysing this dating thing. Analysis works for accounting and engineering, it does not work for dating. So stop analysing and go have some fun in life.

I think analysis says the best option is to marry whoever you date second.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Secretary_problem

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