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The Agony of Eros: Dating

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Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#11
'Modern Dating' is where corporations intermediate your interactions with the other sex... and its not working out well? Well, what a surprise!

People have lost all sense it seems to me - we have been trained to have technology do everything for us. This really means the corporations behind the tech are meant to do everything for us. Good god.

The mega-trend - IMO - in all this is a fostered neoteny (extended juvenile period) where our expectations are that someone should service our desires. Its such an irresponsible and weak position - it doesn't even register as a possibility to the younger generation that they should be able to sort things out on their own - benevolent tech companies should do it instead. Even a date is too much apparently.

Humanity is being softened into a warm puree.

PS

If corporations are involved in the dating business (which they are) think about it from their point of view. They do not actually want you to succeed! They want you to fail but keep using their services. The more you fail the better! The more unhappy you are the more you will spend in your date-death spiral.

Like we don't have a health industry but a managed illness industry, the dating industry would be better called a managed loneliness industry, cos loneliness and unhappiness opens the purse strings as you try to resolve your unhappiness with all the other crap corporations have to offer.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#12
post #8

I find the discussion of ghosting interesting. If I've gone on a bad date or two I don't specifically tell the other person I don't want to see them again unless they ask me. This allows for a lot more saving face if I run into them in the future (we can both pretend it just fell through the cracks) and is exactly how I want to be treated. While I appreciate the honesty I do find it a little condescending when someon…

there is nothing to talk about ghosting. They just don't want to see you, get that as a valid communication and move on.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#13
post #8

I find the discussion of ghosting interesting. If I've gone on a bad date or two I don't specifically tell the other person I don't want to see them again unless they ask me. This allows for a lot more saving face if I run into them in the future (we can both pretend it just fell through the cracks) and is exactly how I want to be treated. While I appreciate the honesty I do find it a little condescending when someon…

Tbh ghosting isn't as bad as saying one thing and then making excuses to not go through it.

I've been on dates where I thought it went well, I got the "let's do this again", and then whenever I suggested "let's do it again on X day?" I get excuses.

If they don't want to that's fine, they don't even have to say no just don't reply! But the leading on is annoying...

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#14

The fact that someone would write this on a blog give me the sense that he/she is over analysing this dating thing. Analysis works for accounting and engineering, it does not work for dating. So stop analysing and go have some fun in life.

ignorance is never the superior tactic

Being knowingly ignorant is less ignorant than being unknowingly ignorant. Over systematization of dating creates illusory knowledge that impedes connection.

I've seen how the obsessive-analytic mindset fares in dating. I'll take bumbling along any day.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#15
Is it just me, or does this article really overthink way too much?

IMO, dating is ultimately not a subject that could be analyzed by logic. At least not on on the personal / self-help level (of course sociology / statistics still work).

Trying to find some kind of generally applicable "rules of the game" that would work for everyone (or even most) people seems somewhat "not even wrong".

It's simply trying to use the wrong tool in the wrong place.

A date an encounter of two individuals trying to assess and explore their compatibility. This "should" (at least in my opinion) always be subject to their own morals and ethics.

The question isn't "what do most people want / do", but "what would I / You want / do".

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#16

I believe this very nicely ties in with "No one expects young men to do anything and they are responding by doing nothing" https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31143279 We have turned sexual partners into an affluent commodity, thanks to apps. With a bit of paid boosting, you can show your profile to 1000+ potential partners and surely a few of them will have a favorable first impression. We've also successfully refr…

> People can smell if their offspring will be healthy pretty quickly

That's so interesting, it's not BO right or some bad perfume/cologne.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#17
post #13
post #8

I find the discussion of ghosting interesting. If I've gone on a bad date or two I don't specifically tell the other person I don't want to see them again unless they ask me. This allows for a lot more saving face if I run into them in the future (we can both pretend it just fell through the cracks) and is exactly how I want to be treated. While I appreciate the honesty I do find it a little condescending when someon…

Tbh ghosting isn't as bad as saying one thing and then making excuses to not go through it. I've been on dates where I thought it went well, I got the "let's do this again", and then whenever I suggested "let's do it again on X day?" I get excuses. If they don't want to that's fine, they don't even have to say no just don't reply! But the leading on is annoying...

That might also be a communication mismatch. I've seen this situation a few times: Woman says "let's do this [going shopping as friends] again" and then later they are surprised when the Man suggests "let's do this [going on a date as potential partners] again". The [] part is implied and never said, which is why the miscommunication happens.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#18
post #2

Terrible agony: Wait for when you have kids.

I wonder about this. It's a crazy commitment/years to deal with. I just look back to my own childhood/what my parents dealt with.

On the other hand part of me feels sad thinking I will be the "last me". Maybe get genome sequenced/publish books of my face and put it sealed in a landfill somewhere for preservation.

Actually rocks last a long time so probably a statue made with a rock.

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#19

'Modern Dating' is where corporations intermediate your interactions with the other sex... and its not working out well? Well, what a surprise! People have lost all sense it seems to me - we have been trained to have technology do everything for us. This really means the corporations behind the tech are meant to do everything for us. Good god. The mega-trend - IMO - in all this is a fostered neoteny (extended juvenil…

> 'Modern Dating' is where corporations intermediate your interactions with the other sex...

This seems to be the overwhelming sentiment when this topic comes up here, but I had to wonder: how much are you people relying on Tinder et al. ?

Re: The Agony of Eros: Dating

#20
post #8

I find the discussion of ghosting interesting. If I've gone on a bad date or two I don't specifically tell the other person I don't want to see them again unless they ask me. This allows for a lot more saving face if I run into them in the future (we can both pretend it just fell through the cracks) and is exactly how I want to be treated. While I appreciate the honesty I do find it a little condescending when someon…

I don't think what you describe in your first paragraph is what is generally meant by ghosting, it's more your second example. Lots of texting and communication for a number of weeks and then suddenly none.
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