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A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

jakobgreenfeld.com

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Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#301

Post by OgAstorga »

I don't think this is "spammy" nor "unnatural". There are important persons in our life that are worth keeping contact with for the sake of keeping contact with.

If you create this list and it's only filled with people that could be helpful to you in the future (agents?). Maybe it's time to recall that we the people are ends rather than means to themselves.

Second, Mental memory is lossy. Sometimes you move for a while to another city. It's easy to get distracted and forget to keep in touch with the people you love.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#302

Post by iamkroot »

trowawee wrote: post #300
iamkroot wrote: post #296

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Do you have a link to this? Every search query I try produces results for the character Monica from Friends. Seems like exceptionally poor SEO, heh.

https://www.monicahq.com/

Grazie!

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#303

Post by peoplefromibiza »

pirate787 wrote: post #158
peoplefromibiza wrote: post #100

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> We miss contact, and yet we sheldom establish it. That's me. that's why my friends are the ones who contact me. they are my reminder. if I start contacting them now, they would think I am going to die soon. > I see what this person is doing as a way to remove the friction and create a new habit It doesn't work like that though. It's not like using an alarm to wake up at a certain hour and suddenly you realize your…

You are rationalizing your selfishness and laziness. Relationships are a two-way street.

I think you deserve an answer, even if people are downvoting you:

I guess you are not completely aware that you just said that my friends are stupid because they accept to be mistreated by someone who's selfish an lazy.

But guess what, friendship in not only a two way street, it's also usually a non overlapping set of different personalities.

A friend is that person that has those qualities you miss, that kinda completes you, and vice versa.

And is that person that accepts you for being you, exactly you, not some imaginary version of you.

What I miss in something, I compensate with something else that my friends miss.

Easy as that.

Rest assured that if they wanted me to call them more, they'd tell me.

p.s. If you don't accept as a friend someone who doesn't call you as often as you do, you have a simple choice: find people like you.

My friends don't mind and after almost 30 years, I don't think they will suddenly start.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#304

Post by TameAntelope »

notreallyserio wrote: post #211

The biggest reason I don't maintain contact with people from my past is I was a much worse person in my past and I'm either embarrassed about my behavior or concerned that my shittiness is what led to our relationship in the first place. In any case, I find it's easier (and emotionally satisfying) to stay in touch with a couple people that I can have natural, unforced conversations with. Scheduling interactions on a…

You’re not scheduling interactions with this system, you’re just reminding yourself about the people you enjoyed talking to.

Nothing prevents you from talking to these people more frequently, this system seems more like a way to nudge you to remind you about conversations you forgot.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#305

Post by vorpalhex »

eatbitseveryday wrote: post #280
kator wrote: post #205

Interesting way to approach it, my approach might be less technical, when someone comes to mind randomly, I just txt them with: Hey, you just popped into my mind, I hope all is well with you and yours! It's simple, lightweight, and you'd be shocked how often the other person pings back. My completely un-scientific view is that most people think of others once in a while. Perhaps we're too busy to reach out, or the gu…

Hm interesting. I’ve actually gotten these types of messages before, and now they seem strange. My replies were enthusiastic but did not lead to anymore than a shallow interaction, so I felt it was a waste of my time. Perhaps my cynical view, but I don’t want to be used for someone else’s need to feel like they’re connecting with someone when they’re not interested in more than a hello and hope you’re well. Those are…

Sometimes shallow interactions are fine. Like bread in your diet, there's nothing wrong with it so long as it isn't the only interaction.

It's an opportunity for engagement. Sometimes nobody wants to take the opportunity but it's valuable to have.

If you want it to be more engaging, make it so. Ask questions in return, share good responses. "How are you?" can be answered in one word or several paragraphs.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#306

Post by TameAntelope »

awkward wrote: post #282

The OP's system seems good, but the initial system, where the guy lists everyone he knows by A, B, C and D seems like he's creating informational toxic waste, IE something that causes damage if it gets out. Even if all it means is they get less emails, who the hell wants to find themselves categorized as acquaintance level D.

You could just remove the ranking system and store the intervals directly. Saying “this is someone I talk to annually” is not nearly as offensive as, “this is a rank D person.”

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#307

Post by iovrthoughtthis »

MrYellowP wrote: post #79
iovrthoughtthis wrote: post #16

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"if you cared, you'd remember" glad you have this experience, i dont think all of us do. i care deeply but seem to forget people exist and that makes me sad and dislike myself. i wish i could just remember. id still have so many friends if i did.

Well, then ... why did you forget, when you (believe you've) actually cared?

why does anyone forget?

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#308

Post by iamben »

wccrawford wrote: post #181

Reading this, I also came up with a simple system. It call it an "address book". Write people's names in it, along with their contact info. Feel free to use paper or digital. Once in a while, look at the list. If you see someone's name and think, "I wonder how they're doing?", contact them . It's a lot more organic than scheduling the contacts, and it'll feel more organic to the recipients, too.

I get the point you're making. That said there are definitely people in my life that are (very obviously) better and worse at reaching out, and I assume it's similar for most people? I have friends who are phenomenal at reaching out frequently, saying "whatcha up to, shall we get a drink?" I also have friends who (because of family, work, location, whatever) will never do this, but absolutely jump at the chance to meet if you offer them one.

I'm not suggesting those who are good at contacting people use some sort of scheduling tool - it's probably just that their personality type suits doing it and they're usually the middle of a social group. Some people are naturally better at this kind of thing than others, right?

So I absolutely see the advantage of giving yourself a mental nudge to call, message or email people. I don't think it's in the slightest in-organic and I doubt a single person would think "oh, it's 6 months to the day I last spoke to this person" - more so they'd probably just think "oh, it was nice to hear from X". I have an alert to call my mum / dad every week or so. I don't always do it, but I appreciate the reminder and they appreciate the call.

I'll probably give this kind of set up a go at some point.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#310

Post by Jeff_Brown »

ljm wrote: post #293
cyborgx7 wrote: post #222

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> The biggest reason I don't maintain contact with people from my past is I was a much worse person in my past and I'm either embarrassed about my behavior or concerned that my shittiness is what led to our relationship in the first place. Perfect summary. The people I'm still in contact with are those that grew into better people together with me.

I like to think I chose depth over breadth. I can count my real friends on one hand and I feel like we have deep and meaningful friendships. They're people who I've been through some shit with, or people who I'd be prepared to go through some shit with if it came to it. Everyone else is someone who can come and go. How long are they around for? Who knows, it's just a temporary crossing of paths that feels nice while…

I'm like you -- but for people who I was good friends with years ago and lost touch with, I usually find that we immediately hit it off great if we connect somewhere in person. For this reason I'm optimmistic about the possibility of maintaining a wider net.
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