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A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

jakobgreenfeld.com

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Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#281

Post by sweetheart »

pjerem wrote: post #191
mb_72 wrote: post #109

Hmmm, I would never use such a system as for one thing - if people aren't contacting me, why should I care about contacting them? I have several 'best friends', maybe twice that 'friends', and then a bunch more I interact with sometimes, and I feel this is relatively normal. Also, I don't care actually if it's not normal, and don't feel I'm missing out on anything. That said, I'm quite the introvert and generally val…

> if people aren't contacting me, why should I care about contacting them? That’s my current main interrogation in life and honestly, I have not found the answer. I feel alone, but I have a fair number of "old friends" I barely contact anymore. I want to keep in touch but don’t know what to say. And they don’t spontaneously contact me, neither do I. It’s a chicken and egg problem. Maybe people don’t care about me. Bu…

YMMV, but when I find myself feeling this way I try to force myself to do what is incredibly uncomfortable, but ultimately probably best for me: I tell them that I miss them and want to schedule some time together. That could mean a weekend to see them, or scheduling a video chat to just catch up, or just a short call while you go on a walk.

It can seem awkward or stilted, but eh, I'll take that feeling over the loneliness any day of the week.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#282

Post by awkward »

The OP's system seems good, but the initial system, where the guy lists everyone he knows by A, B, C and D seems like he's creating informational toxic waste, IE something that causes damage if it gets out.

Even if all it means is they get less emails, who the hell wants to find themselves categorized as acquaintance level D.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#283

Post by trowawee »

eatbitseveryday wrote: post #272

> I typically spend a few minutes researching what they’ve been up to recently. So this process isn’t for friends? I find this behavior personally strange. I’d rather get the information on what they’ve been up to from them directly, and the way I do that is to video call them on a weekend to catch up. It really is impersonal in my opinion to learn about a friend via broadcast messages posted to social media. As for…

I mean, I have a lot of friends who I don't live near who will periodically post pictures on Instagram or updates about their lives on FB. Scanning their feed for a few minutes if they're active on social media is a good way to make sure you're at least a little up-to-date on what's going on in their life, and will frequently give you a good hook for a conversation (i.e. how is little So-and-So?, or I saw your trip pictures, how was Wherever?). Also can help you avoid a faux pas. It's never fun to ask someone who just got divorced how their spouse is doing.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#284

Post by vlokshin »

Simple and authentic feel like they're the magic formula here. Deceptively difficult to balance.

For personal, I'm trying my best to text people when they come to mind. I always appreciate when someone does that to me.

For business, I'm trying https://www.strata.cc/, which uses your email history to nudge you to reconnect with people. I'm just starting to use it but has already made some spot on recommendations in the first couple of weeks.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#285

Post by andrei_says_ »

cehrlich wrote: post #179
mettamage wrote: post #119

Some comments here claim that he is treating people not as friends. IMO these comments are not charitable a interpretation. While it is a plausible interpretation, I have strongly learned from HN to be charitable and optimistic when reading someone else's point of view. I know with topics like this that perspectives vary more wildly among people, so let me show you why I can be more optimistic in my interpretation. I…

I have a similarly non-cynical view of this and am considering to implement something similar for myself. The reasons are simple: 1. I don't want to wake up one day 20 or so years from now and realize that I'm old and lonely. 2. It's possible to lose friends/acquaintances if you don't talk to them for some amount of time 3. I am generally happy when people I've had positive interactions with in the past contact me ou…

I made it a habit to speak to a friend every day of the week while taking my walk. The rest follows effortlessly - I usually rotate friends and end up with 7 to 10 people in a frequent conversation pool.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#286

Post by vm »

tillcarlos wrote: post #279

I started a year ago to shoot random videos throughout my week and then edit them on sunday (takes 1h with luma fusion). I limited each video to 3 minutes and added voice over. Then I sent the videos out via whatsapp and to 100 friends in a telegram channel. The effects of this were really great. People said it’s now part of their Sunday. And they get to know me quite well, without scheduling calls or such.

This is what makes Stories so powerful on Instagram, WhatsApp, FB, etc

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#287

Post by Mikho »

It's not clear why would anybody try to force a communication when there is no common interest, project, or actually any reason to communicate. It always looks fake and inevitably ends with discomfort. It's worth staying in touch if there is a topic to discuss, or mutual interest. If the whole routine is just for your own mental comfort that you are a "good" socialite, it's worth thinking twice before contacting yet another person out of the blue.

It's better to just go to a bar and meet new people instead of trying to return to the past.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#288

Post by TuringNYC »

Mikho wrote: post #287

It's not clear why would anybody try to force a communication when there is no common interest, project, or actually any reason to communicate. It always looks fake and inevitably ends with discomfort. It's worth staying in touch if there is a topic to discuss, or mutual interest. If the whole routine is just for your own mental comfort that you are a "good" socialite, it's worth thinking twice before contacting yet…

I would totally disagree. I can think of two dozen folks I would love to catch up with (and I'm sure they would agree) but between work projects, kids, family you keep losing track of time.

The real proof of this is when I run into them on the commuter train, we sit together and have vibrant conversations. Or you run into them on the street, and next thing you know you've got an active SMS thread going...until the kids have some issue at school and now you're distracted.

Re: A simple system I’m using to stay in touch with hundreds of people

#290

Post by eatbitseveryday »

trowawee wrote: post #283
eatbitseveryday wrote: post #272

> I typically spend a few minutes researching what they’ve been up to recently. So this process isn’t for friends? I find this behavior personally strange. I’d rather get the information on what they’ve been up to from them directly, and the way I do that is to video call them on a weekend to catch up. It really is impersonal in my opinion to learn about a friend via broadcast messages posted to social media. As for…

I mean, I have a lot of friends who I don't live near who will periodically post pictures on Instagram or updates about their lives on FB. Scanning their feed for a few minutes if they're active on social media is a good way to make sure you're at least a little up-to-date on what's going on in their life, and will frequently give you a good hook for a conversation (i.e. how is little So-and-So?, or I saw your trip p…

> It's never fun to ask someone who just got divorced how their spouse is doing.

Right, same for a lost pregnancy, but that’s not a subject to post to social media. Personally I would not advertise a divorce there either.

It’s only natural to expect someone to ask about such things because they’re not up to date, and I find that okay. The fact they’re asking even if I hadn’t told them is expected and makes me feel better they even asked.

I was in such a situation where I had to think about expecting “how is xyz” questions. Friends are genuinely asking. I don’t fault them not knowing what I didn’t tell them.

Edit:

Remember before social media? No similar method other than perhaps a website or email (90s) or simple telephone calls.

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