I am curious where you have worked, mostly in the private sector? Maybe try getting a job in academia or a non-profit. The pay will likely be lower (though maybe not as much lower as you think, in academia at least), but the benefits will likely be better (esp. time off). Most of all, you could have work that contributes to a mission you care about.
Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
271–280 of 890 posts
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#272Having kids fixes the problem of feeling old and lost. Your life now has purpose and you have lifelong blood buddies to share experiences & stories with.
Having kids also means ideally having a stable relationship with a partner and you'll never reach that point without dating.
Work, at the end of the day, is meaningless if you feel your life is without purpose. Money isn't quite meaningless in that it can help to entertain & distract you and also help to attract & retain a partner. Everyone likes someone who is self sufficient.
Most technologies aren't necessary, most companies aren't necessary, most work isn't necessary. If you approach life from that perspective you'll see that the only thing worth dedicating yourself to is family & friends.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#273Man, this is the WORST place to ask for advice. A quick scan of the suggestions: * Have you tried medicating these feelings away? * Have you tried drugs? * Get on a plane! Travel and "find yourself!" * You have money, why aren't you happy? * How about you do everything again that brought you to this place... But in a different career field? About the only real suggestion here is to exercise, find a hobby, or start a…
Absolutely this is a great comment. And good marketing for Ecclesiastes, now I want to read it. Definitely go at these feelings head on, meditate on them.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#274I am 46 and I feel the same. I fill in all the advice tick boxes. Excellent physical health. I work out frequently and have no ailments other than slightly autistic personality. Great job and well compensated for it. Great economy, own my own place. Have adult child that has moved out and is doing well. On paper, I am doing extremely well. Inside, I wake up every morning really sorry I am still alive. This pointless…
Is Tinder the right place for somebody in your frame of mind? It's plainly a meat market, not a great place for somebody who's looking for more than something really short and shallow.
Not that I have an alternative, just... really negative on Tinder.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#275Earlier quoted context omitted.
You don’t feel the amount of new things you see slows down considerably as you grow older? Not OP but I don’t feel this way at all. My oldest son is starting college next year. That alone has been a learning experience! I coach his robotics team, that has been tremendously new experiences. I’ve gotten three cloud certifications in the past year. I have a huge list of things I want to learn about - assembly language o…
I don't see how this is an adequate counterexample to OP's experience. The novel things you mention have happened to you take are rarer occurrences than a 3 year old experiencing basic physics. Despite the pleas in responses to continue to explore and experience new things, it seems to me that the experience of being surprised at new things becomes rarer as one ages, with exploration yielding diminishing returns with…
I think maybe it’s easier to get stuck in a rut, go on autopilot, rely on what you know and then end up feeling like there’s no novelty in the world any more as you get older and comfortable.
Maybe you can fall so deeply into it that you can’t even tell you’re in a rut any more and just think that that’s how the world is, which is a puzzling perspective to those outside of the rut because the complexity and novelty of the world really is literally everywhere.
Not that endless novelty seeking is the be all end all, but it’s there if you want it.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#276I was in similar spot with around 30. My advice: 1.) Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood "soulmate" crap. More likely than not there is already someone you know or at max someone one graph edge away which will be a perfectly fine partner for the rest of yo…
While I am glad that you are enjoying kids, I do not think it is fair the way you paint the picture of people who choose to not have kids ("feeling sorry for them") as if it was a condition or something. Plus I think having children is not something that should be rushed. Pretty sure there are many parents out there who became a parent because of social pressure. What if I tell you I find fullfilment in travelling? S…
Take that comment with an assumption of good intentions, and you can get to a specific situation like: "oh man, that particular guy really has nothing going for him, if he had kids it would look a whole lot different". BTW, I feel like "that guy" sometimes, and it's probably quite common.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#277This is almost exactly my life, shifted by a decade. The problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see. The worst thing you can do is pine for the good old days. They aren't coming back. And they weren't that good anyway. Your best times are ahead if you can successfully adjust. What worked for me was putting down roots. I resisted it mightily…
>problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see I'm 68 and this is self-limiting B.S. In the last few years I have seen many things I never saw before, and never imagined. Ironically, when I was about 30, I was in a similar position and complained to my dad that there was nothing new under the sun, everything is just a rehash of what has come b…
I'm 64 and retired last year. I spent 4 decades programming, and everything changes all the time, and I always learned new things. I am still learning new things, and still writing code to support my generative art. Admittedly I was finally burned out of the grind of working as a programmer, but it took a whole lifetime. But to truly approach new things you have to be willing to let go of the old, even programming if necessary, but without forgetting what you learned. A lifetime is a long time; you really don't need to just do one thing the whole time.
A quote from a novel has always been an inspiration since I read it in high school - "An artist must leave a body of work" from The Agony And The Ecstasy, about Michelangelo. If your programming no longer excites you, learn something new in programming, or even learn something that isn't programming and do that. It's not easy, and might cost you money, but wasting your life doing something you no longer care about is not worth it.
Of course some people can deal with a terrible job, and just spend the non-working time doing what they love, and that's OK if you can deal with it. I could never do that; I didn't turn to art until the last few years.
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#278Earlier quoted context omitted.
Nope; social life is important. I find that I get overwhelmed and drained with large groups, but doing things with a group small enough to fit in a car together is fine. I personally have some hobbies I enjoy for their own sake, and meeting people through those has been rewarding. It’s good to have a mix of “close friends” who you can be open and will support you emotionally, and “activity buddies” who you can geek o…
Glad this works for you, but humans are not all the same. Dont assume what makes you happy also makes other people happy. This is akin to telling somebody with depression to 'Cheer Up'.
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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#279Reading through these comments and reflecting a bit myself.
OP if you think deeply I think you will find the answer and maybe already know it already. Perhaps there is something in your heart of hearts that you want to do but are afraid to take the leap?
Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?
#280Mourning the loss of one’s youth is pretty typical. You lose a step. You didn’t do what you hoped you would do. You wasted your time. So forth and so on. Don’t worry. It gets better. This is all part of the process of life. My recommendation is that you read Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl. “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.” I’m 52 here. I was a prolific programmer in my 20s. A go-go ma…
Why do you still work with the useless partners?
Because I have a whole bunch of employees who still like to eat and a whole bunch of customers who love what we do. If I stop, all that stops too.
The state of my partnership might be crap, but the worst day I’ve ever had working for myself is still better than the best day I had working for someone else.