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Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

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Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#221

Post by aspenmayer »

alt227 wrote: post #204
Taywee wrote: post #192

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Absolutely not. Even introverts need social connections. It's more akin to telling somebody to get fit because it's good for their health. Introvert does not mean asocial or antisocial. Social connections are a fundamental part of every human's mental health. Maybe some disorders might change this up, but being an introvert is not that.

So why do I feel ike you are specifically telling me that what makes me happy is wrong and bad for me?

Perhaps you are sensitive to people seemingly giving you advice, because you aren’t seeking it, nor do you desire to change? Not trying to put words in your mouth, but I think you might be interpreting the recommendations as directed at you. Do you suspect that their advice may have a kernel of truth, and you are reacting to the person who caused your internal self to recoil against change? Just food for thought, not directed at you personally.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#222

Post by gexla »

crazylifetwist wrote: post #187
gexla wrote: post #149

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is a great answer, and similar to mine. I feel there are a couple of things which happen around 35. - As a child, you feel special. At 35, it's as if you have been out so far from receiving presents from Santa that you sort of cross the heliosphere into interstellar space. You're no longer special. You're no longer the future in this society which has drilled into us the idea of (if you're from the US) American…

Thanks for this, it really resonates. I'd add therapy/coaching helps in making sense of the journey, as you can't really figure out everything about you from within.

Therapy is a good point, especially if you're in the group where financial position isn't part of a problem. I suspect there's far more people who could benefit from therapy than is currently utilizing it.

Edit: Check out my other comment in this thread as well, I went a bit deeper there.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#223

Post by xkbarkar »

I am 46 and I feel the same. I fill in all the advice tick boxes. Excellent physical health. I work out frequently and have no ailments other than slightly autistic personality.

Great job and well compensated for it. Great economy, own my own place.

Have adult child that has moved out and is doing well. On paper, I am doing extremely well.

Inside, I wake up every morning really sorry I am still alive.

This pointless lonely hellhole existence is statistically going to go on for another 30 maybe 40 years until finally it ends.

Another horrible tinder date and I might just off myself.

I am female btw.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#225

Post by urban_strike »

dr_faustus wrote: post #103

I was in similar spot with around 30. My advice: 1.) Start dating. It might be a drag and maybe embarrassing at times, but obviously not being a loser having saved up half a mil in 10 years, you will probably find someone. Don't buy into that Hollywood "soulmate" crap. More likely than not there is already someone you know or at max someone one graph edge away which will be a perfectly fine partner for the rest of yo…

> I have a hard time to see any relevance in a life without children anymore.

In my view, having kids is a great way to take off the existential pressure of life being meaningless, by just having a default "do it for them" answer to every single question or hardship in life. And what then will give your child's life such a straightforward meaning? Well, just have kids of their own I guess, and their kids the same, all the way down, forever.

It always seems like a bit of a cop out to me. "Life is empty and meaningless, so I'll just have kids, let that fill up all my time, and maybe they can figure it out." I suppose that could be the history of humanity in a nutshell.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#226

Post by jhanschoo »

300bps wrote: post #208
Aeolun wrote: post #168

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You don’t feel the amount of new things you see slows down considerably as you grow older? It’s not that you can’t find novel things any more if you go looking for them, but most everyday things hold no more (or less) excitement. I notice this especially much with my 3 year old son, for whom everything is fascinating. He’ll find out that sticking a bowl upside down in the water and turning it face up will make a lot…

You don’t feel the amount of new things you see slows down considerably as you grow older? Not OP but I don’t feel this way at all. My oldest son is starting college next year. That alone has been a learning experience! I coach his robotics team, that has been tremendously new experiences. I’ve gotten three cloud certifications in the past year. I have a huge list of things I want to learn about - assembly language o…

I don't see how this is an adequate counterexample to OP's experience. The novel things you mention have happened to you take are rarer occurrences than a 3 year old experiencing basic physics.

Despite the pleas in responses to continue to explore and experience new things, it seems to me that the experience of being surprised at new things becomes rarer as one ages, with exploration yielding diminishing returns with respect solely to that experience.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#228

Post by matwood »

Aeolun wrote: post #168
jimt222 wrote: post #150

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>problem is that by 35 you can't get by on novelty anymore because you've seen some version of everything there is to see I'm 68 and this is self-limiting B.S. In the last few years I have seen many things I never saw before, and never imagined. Ironically, when I was about 30, I was in a similar position and complained to my dad that there was nothing new under the sun, everything is just a rehash of what has come b…

You don’t feel the amount of new things you see slows down considerably as you grow older? It’s not that you can’t find novel things any more if you go looking for them, but most everyday things hold no more (or less) excitement. I notice this especially much with my 3 year old son, for whom everything is fascinating. He’ll find out that sticking a bowl upside down in the water and turning it face up will make a lot…

> You don’t feel the amount of new things you see slows down considerably as you grow older?

At 44 I have the opposite problem. The more I learn, the more I realize I don't know. When I was younger I had the ego of a young person and thought I was always on the cusp of knowing it all. As I got older I realized I was simply unaware. It's a bit cliché, but I started approaching everything, even things I 'knew' with a beginners mindset.

One of activities that really helped trigger this shift was finding something brand new to me at ~40 that I also became passionate about. In my case it was jiu-jitsu, but it can be anything where you're drinking from the firehose again. That mindset spread through everything else in my life.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#229

Post by lottin »

Have you tried strength training? It gives you something that you can progressively get better at over a long period of time (decades). It also gives you mental preparedness for what will inevitably come, that is, getting old and dying. I find that it helps a lot emotionally.

Re: Ask HN: How do you deal with getting old and feeling lost?

#230

Post by owly »

LOL. Getting old is 35.

ONLY $500K in savings at 35. Such a sad story. So sorry for you, as most people are lucky to have saved $50K at 35 or even 55! Money has no meaning if you are feeling lost with $500K.

Seriously though, my advice would be stop comparing yourself to others. Older or younger, married or single, successful or not, fit or fat. Know thyself. Go on a meditation retreat. You have nothing to lose and no limitations.

As others have wisely stated, health is paramount. Challenge yourself with a physical activity you’ve never done before. You’ll meet new people on the way.

Rethink work. List causes you truly believe in, then find an organization which aligns with one and apply for a job in your specialty to expand their reach. Work with purpose even if it’s only a year. Consider is a sabbatical if you need to frame it in a non committal way.

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