Mourning the loss of one’s youth is pretty typical. You lose a step. You didn’t do what you hoped you would do. You wasted your time. So forth and so on.
Don’t worry. It gets better. This is all part of the process of life.
My recommendation is that you read Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl.
“He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
I’m 52 here. I was a prolific programmer in my 20s. A go-go marketer in my 30s. For the last 10 years, I’ve run a business that I love with two partners who have taken advantage of me at every turn. The last two years neither has worked and yet they get paid.
Do I feel lost or depressed? Absolutely not.
I love life. I have an amazing family to whom I am utterly devoted. I volunteer for stuff. I do cool things every day. If I feel bored, I make things with my hands or engage in other creative pursuits. I focus on the moment and others more than anything else and all the rest just goes away.
How is this possible? I’ve filled my life with reasons to live.
In fact, I have so many now that there is no room for worry about what I have and haven’t done. And in doing so, I realize that none of that matters anyway.
My mom died at 52 after taking a header down a flight of stairs. My grandfather died at 56 after getting stabbed in the belly by my grandmother (she was psychotic).
Our naked existence is laughable. Everything can be lost in an instant.
Dive into the why and you can deal with any how.