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Divorce does funny things

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Re: Divorce does funny things

#311

Post by Tras884 »

bradlys wrote: post #289

I can say with great confidence - do not get married. Do not live in a common law state. You will very likely regret it immensely. If I had been legally married to my ex - I would’ve been raked over the coals. I could see myself being the man on that rig. She contributed nothing to our relationship (financially or emotionally) and I put her through college while she didn’t work or pay for anything. Yet, even if I sho…

Women initiate divorce 70% of the time.

For college educated women this rate is 90%.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#312

Post by Tras884 »

55555 wrote: post #273
matheusmoreira wrote: post #194

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> men treated like sources of money with little other value Yeah, it's disgusting. It makes men feel worthless and expendable. > It would be quite educational for all men to attend family court as an observer prior to marriage. Absolutely. I did exactly that. I could not believe what I was seeing at first. Could fill up this entire thread with stories.

> Absolutely. I did exactly that. I could not believe what I was seeing at first. Could fill up this entire thread with stories. Please share at least one!

Two of my friends got kicked out of their house because their wives accused them of domestic violence. There was zero evidence but the police came and removed them from the home immediately. They had to fight the temporary restraining order in court. It took them weeks and tens of thousands of dollars. Luckily for both of them the restraining orders got lifted (they still ended up with the "every other weekend" raw deal men get in the US). There were Zero consequences for the wives.

Punishing false accusations of domestic violence could scare real victims to speak up. So the bar is very low for the accuser and if / when caught up lying, there is no consequences at all (except loosing some credibility in the eyes of the judge).

Re: Divorce does funny things

#313

Post by AussieWog93 »

jessriedel wrote: post #230
AussieWog93 wrote: post #110

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>So I think we can take the fact that most divorces are initiated by women as prima facie evidence that women recover better from divorces. That's a pretty big assumption, especially considering how irrational many people are when it comes to divorce. Personally, I've always assumed the discrepancy was caused by women's higher standards and belief that they can get a better man that "treats them right". I wouldn't be…

My use of "prima facie" specifically flagged that I was not assuming the conclusion, only that it's good evidence that shifts the burden of proof.

I do understand that, but I disagree with you that it's good evidence.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#314

Post by mixmastamyk »

quietbritishjim wrote: post #241
ergl wrote: post #222

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It's surprising to me that this article, which was mostly about the life of a man on an oil rig, could inspire such discussion about divorce. It's only surprising if you assume people read the story, instead of simply reacting to the headline. It's against the rules to say, but I'd bet the big majority of commenters never opened the link above.

The author of the article (or the editor) also must have thought that it was a key aspect of the article given that it was chosen to be the title. And there wasn't a great deal else in the article (some discussion of oil rigs, including Piper Alpha, but not much specifics). We never got to find out what the stories written by the person being interviewed were. I actually found it a bit odd, like it was an introductio…

Agreed, felt I was dropped into a big-oil exposé and then it made a left turn and stopped.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#315

Post by [deleted] »

DeathArrow wrote: post #92
dlsa wrote: post #88

Earlier quoted context omitted.

In plenty of places, you don't even want to live with someone too long without a pre-nuptial agreement and even then the law can cancel those agreements.

You can also take preventive measures, establish an offshore company and move all your assets on that. Move money in off-shore accounts. If you have nothing under your name, nothing can be taken from you.

[deleted]

Re: Divorce does funny things

#316

Post by refurb »

simonh wrote: post #217
refurb wrote: post #202

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I live in one of those cultures today and I’d emphasize the “tolerated” part. Not that dissimilar to physically hitting your spouse. Nobody likes it but feel powerless to change it. But I wouldn’t say it’s viewed positively or even neutrally.

Sure, fair enough, but it's not generally seen as anything to do with e.g. reliability as a business partner. I used to do a lot of work in parts of the world like this.

That I could understand, and that’s where my comment on domestic violence comes from. Plenty of people might slap their wife around but that’s not seen as disqualifying for a business relationship.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#317

Post by [deleted] »

throwaway_sjfgd wrote: post #297
throwaway211116 wrote: post #293

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Non-monogamous societies have solved welfare of children in different ways. I am not able to say if any method of taking care of children is better. On the other hand, monogamy absolutely had a massive impact on STD reduction in a world with absolutely no notion of medicine.

Agreed. A question I have is if the STD issue mentioned still valid, as a motivation for monogamy?

[deleted]

Re: Divorce does funny things

#318

Post by [deleted] »

MisterTea wrote: post #223
throwaway_sjfgd wrote: post #197

I am going through it right now too. Very short background: * Wife abusive from the beginning * Sexless marriage as she refused * Beating herself up for years * She's not earning (highly qualified) * Did not take care of child or home either * Tried to frame me however I figured and escaped * Living separately now * She filed false and frivolous violence complaint against me * Not letting me meet my child * Court gra…

> Wife abusive from the beginning People who get into these relationships always paint themselves as victims when everyone around them knew it was a disaster from the beginning. I just don't understand how they get there unless they willingly ignore signs of bad behavior or they think they can fix or change people. That or they're just stupid. I have a coworker in a bad relationship that seems to be headed towards ma…

[deleted]

Re: Divorce does funny things

#319

Post by vecinu »

icu wrote: post #175
vecinu wrote: post #128

As a recently ( Obviously therapy is a good first resource and then working on yourself going forward is a good strategy but man, I can totally understand how some men are obliterated when children are involved and the other spouse is out for blood. I consider myself lucky that it happened before I got too old, had children and who knows what other things could have happened but damn, it still hurts.

I can relate to the devastating on many levels part. I felt like I didn't actually know what happened in the past, so I didn't know who I was in the present, and the future I was working towards was gone. It was existentially disorienting. I know this is unsolicited advice, but for what it's worth take some time to figure out how and why you found yourself in the situation. Write about the past and use the writing to…

> I felt like I didn't actually know what happened in the past, so I didn't know who I was in the present, and the future I was working towards was gone. It was existentially disorienting. Right, I can relate to this, especially because I never got closure on exactly why I wasn't worth fighting for or being given a heads up that I was doing something very wrong.

> I know this is unsolicited advice, but for what it's worth take some time to figure out how and why you found yourself in the situation.

I'm going to try and do that, I think reflecting back over the last decade, I definitely changed a lot and there were signs of some things not working but I always had this "you have to give it everything you've got" attitude and didn't want to give up.

> I hope you find peace and happiness in the future.

Thank you, I hope you do as well!

Re: Divorce does funny things

#320

Post by vecinu »

3pt14159 wrote: post #168
vecinu wrote: post #128

As a recently ( Obviously therapy is a good first resource and then working on yourself going forward is a good strategy but man, I can totally understand how some men are obliterated when children are involved and the other spouse is out for blood. I consider myself lucky that it happened before I got too old, had children and who knows what other things could have happened but damn, it still hurts.

I'm so sorry that that happened to you. I hope you've got a solid support system of friends and family around you.

Hey, thanks, I appreciate that!

Unfortunately we had moved to a brand new city last year during COVID and I'm pretty much alone here so it's definitely harder. I'm doing my best to break into social groups and clubs but it's not easy, especially during a pandemic.

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