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Divorce does funny things

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Re: Divorce does funny things

#291

Post by matheusmoreira »

55555 wrote: post #273
matheusmoreira wrote: post #194

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> men treated like sources of money with little other value Yeah, it's disgusting. It makes men feel worthless and expendable. > It would be quite educational for all men to attend family court as an observer prior to marriage. Absolutely. I did exactly that. I could not believe what I was seeing at first. Could fill up this entire thread with stories.

> Absolutely. I did exactly that. I could not believe what I was seeing at first. Could fill up this entire thread with stories. Please share at least one!

I remember one story from a lawyer I dated. The woman accused her ex-husband of abuse. Recently divorced and with eyes on custody of the children, so there was a high likelihood of the accusation being false. This isn't just my opinion either, this is what the court's appointed criminal psychologists say based on their experience.

The man was arrested, removed from his home based on the word of his ex-wife. After some lengthy court proceedings, he was released pending further trial on the condition he not approach her in the meantime.

He tried to go home but she was still there. He couldn't go in because of the court order. His home, and he can't go inside without being arrested. She had absolutely no rights to the house since it had been purchased prior to marriage. Despite this, his lawyers tried to negotiate with the woman, to no avail. She simply refused to leave. Apparently there was no way to evict her either.

At some point the situation must have pissed off the lawyers because they got sick of negotiating and started straight up maneuvering. They waited until she left his residence, moved him back inside and changed the locks. When she tried to come back, she couldn't.

Wish I knew what happened after that. All I was told was that her life became a lot harder afterwards.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#292

Post by WastingMyTime89 »

rsj_hn wrote: post #239
rich_sasha wrote: post #233

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well, for one, I'm not claiming that religious affiliation is a sole determinant of future success. Also, Prussia was subsequently steam-rolled by the USSR machine. But compare general attitudes in France, Italy, Spain vs. Netherlands and the Nordics. Or Austria vs. Germany. I think the overall point is quite valid. If you look at a whole host of societal norms in the US, they will be quite puritanical, compared to a…

> If you look at a whole host of societal norms in the US, they will be quite puritanical Honestly, I don't see this and think it's both bad history and bad social commentary. Cities all across the country let people walk into a store and steal whatever they want without prosecution. Homeless people defecating in city squares. Higher levels of corruption and bribery than in Europe. Much more more crime and lawlessnes…

> Honestly, I don't see this and think it's both bad history and bad social commentary.

Texas just made abortion illegal. There was a huge scandal because someone inadvertently displayed a nipple on live television. The definition of nudity includes showing a mere breast. A majority of people think you can’t be moral if you don’t believe in god. People regularly swear on the bible in court.

> but it still maintained a "gangster" reputation

Because it made alcohol consumption illegal out of a rigorous conception of moral purity.

The USA remains heavily influenced by the puritain ideas in its culture. Far more than a country like France where 70% of the population says they are not religious and 29% say they don’t believe at all.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#293

Post by throwaway211116 »

throwaway_sjfgd wrote: post #235
mensetmanusman wrote: post #226

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Sorry that you are going through this, life is full of hardship, and divorce is a facet of death itself. “ Marriage as a notion itself feels wrong.” The notion of marriage has fractured into cultural subgroups as it has been redefined over the last century. One of the more interesting stats to me is that young people today don’t even put children in the top ten reasons for marriage like they did just 40 years ago. I’…

Per what I know and have read: The emotional aspects of love last about seven years. After that, pragmatics and mutual understanding need to take over. We have invented the notion of marriage and seem to have overturned what nature may have intended to be. Marriages predate written history. I cannot be sure what led to the concept, however, I can guess. I have read that non-monogamy is more common in the world than w…

Non-monogamous societies have solved welfare of children in different ways. I am not able to say if any method of taking care of children is better.

On the other hand, monogamy absolutely had a massive impact on STD reduction in a world with absolutely no notion of medicine.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#294

Post by pnutjam »

55555 wrote: post #271
pnutjam wrote: post #242

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Both sides lose, men usually do better. https://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2016/04/the- divorce-gap/480333/

For those skimming the thread, this analysis takes opportunity cost into account. It would seem women mostly "do worse" because they stopped working during the marriage. As far as net cashflows from one partner to the other post-marriage, it'd surprise me if it wasn't mostly flowing from men to women. But, honestly, that's almost entirely obvious from the fact that men mostly continue to work and women often stop.

Well, we heard your hypothesis. Let's see your study.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#295

Post by throwaway_sjfgd »

bradlys wrote: post #289

I can say with great confidence - do not get married. Do not live in a common law state. You will very likely regret it immensely. If I had been legally married to my ex - I would’ve been raked over the coals. I could see myself being the man on that rig. She contributed nothing to our relationship (financially or emotionally) and I put her through college while she didn’t work or pay for anything. Yet, even if I sho…

Upvoted. Writing this here as I would give the same advice.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#296

Post by bruceb »

llampx wrote: post #275
bruceb wrote: post #115

Earlier quoted context omitted.

HN being tech oriented, thus male commenters tend to live in gender skewed cities. Bay Area, Seattle, etc for the 25-45 age range. Where yes some men might have harder time. But really there are approximately same amount of men to women in the dating/family making age group. Being normal, mildly interesting, and not a slob is all most men will have to do to find women to date. The reason a some men don't get dates on…

> Putting out zero effort and expecting something is rarely going to yield results. The comment you are replying to says that men have to put in a lot more effort than women, and you reply with a strawman about men not putting in any effort. Nice.

>The reason a some men don't get dates on dating apps, is they send the dumbest of messages"

Straw man accuser you left out this part.

Ask a woman or make an account as a woman on a dating site and see the flood of dumb messages you get.

Also going to the gym while might improve you looks, it isn't a personality.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#297

Post by throwaway_sjfgd »

throwaway211116 wrote: post #293
throwaway_sjfgd wrote: post #235

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Per what I know and have read: The emotional aspects of love last about seven years. After that, pragmatics and mutual understanding need to take over. We have invented the notion of marriage and seem to have overturned what nature may have intended to be. Marriages predate written history. I cannot be sure what led to the concept, however, I can guess. I have read that non-monogamy is more common in the world than w…

Non-monogamous societies have solved welfare of children in different ways. I am not able to say if any method of taking care of children is better. On the other hand, monogamy absolutely had a massive impact on STD reduction in a world with absolutely no notion of medicine.

Agreed.

A question I have is if the STD issue mentioned still valid, as a motivation for monogamy?

Re: Divorce does funny things

#298

Post by Iefthandrule »

bradlys wrote: post #289

I can say with great confidence - do not get married. Do not live in a common law state. You will very likely regret it immensely. If I had been legally married to my ex - I would’ve been raked over the coals. I could see myself being the man on that rig. She contributed nothing to our relationship (financially or emotionally) and I put her through college while she didn’t work or pay for anything. Yet, even if I sho…

Wouldn't it make sense then to marry someone with a similar socioeconomic status? Or if divorce is skewed against men, only pursue women who make more than you?

Marriage as legal entity was created as a result of women being more or less their father's property.

Re: Divorce does funny things

#299

Post by sjg007 »

My advice for anyone going through a difficult time with a partner or anyone really would be to talk to a therapist. That is what they are there for.

You can only influence and change one person and that person is you. Focus on yourself. You are not responsible for anyone else's happiness.

There are some practical skills to learn too like the five secrets of communication.

But you don't have to suffer and take the stress. Is the relationship worth your heart attack?

Re: Divorce does funny things

#300

Post by toomuchtodo »

pnutjam wrote: post #294
55555 wrote: post #271

Earlier quoted context omitted.

For those skimming the thread, this analysis takes opportunity cost into account. It would seem women mostly "do worse" because they stopped working during the marriage. As far as net cashflows from one partner to the other post-marriage, it'd surprise me if it wasn't mostly flowing from men to women. But, honestly, that's almost entirely obvious from the fact that men mostly continue to work and women often stop.

Well, we heard your hypothesis. Let's see your study.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5992251/ (Gender Differences in the Consequences of Divorce: A Study of Multiple Outcomes)
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