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Show HN: I’m an introvert – made an app to help maintain connections with people

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Re: Show HN: I’m an introvert – made an app to help maintain connections with people

#141

Post by jlokier »

smt88 wrote: post #137
randomdata wrote: post #103

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Don't open the app to read the message until you have time to respond, then commit to responding. Then you end up with unread messages for weeks at a time.

> Then you end up with unread messages for weeks at a time. If people are a priority for you, then you need to just make time. No one is unable to spare 5 minutes to text back. You just have to sacrifice 5 minutes of something else, whether it's work, a video game, or a hobby. If you can't spare that, then I guess accept that those people aren't that important to you.

It takes many of us longer than 5 minutes to compose the BEST response (part of option 2), especially if you have a queue built up.

Re: Show HN: I’m an introvert – made an app to help maintain connections with people

#143

Post by kumarjsingh6 »

jlokier wrote: post #141
smt88 wrote: post #137

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Then you end up with unread messages for weeks at a time. If people are a priority for you, then you need to just make time. No one is unable to spare 5 minutes to text back. You just have to sacrifice 5 minutes of something else, whether it's work, a video game, or a hobby. If you can't spare that, then I guess accept that those people aren't that important to you.

It takes many of us longer than 5 minutes to compose the BEST response (part of option 2), especially if you have a queue built up.

It takes years to compose the best response

Re: Show HN: I’m an introvert – made an app to help maintain connections with people

#144

Post by antasvara »

jlokier wrote: post #141
smt88 wrote: post #137

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Then you end up with unread messages for weeks at a time. If people are a priority for you, then you need to just make time. No one is unable to spare 5 minutes to text back. You just have to sacrifice 5 minutes of something else, whether it's work, a video game, or a hobby. If you can't spare that, then I guess accept that those people aren't that important to you.

It takes many of us longer than 5 minutes to compose the BEST response (part of option 2), especially if you have a queue built up.

5 minutes might be too short, but the idea of waiting until you have time to fully respond makes sense.

Re: Show HN: I’m an introvert – made an app to help maintain connections with people

#145

Post by jlokier »

brushfoot wrote: post #104
fastball wrote: post #75

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I feel like you're conflating the friction of starting a conversation with the friction of continuing one, which can be very different things.

There's no friction in starting something you love to do. If you don't love talking to someone that you don't have to talk to, you shouldn't do it. You're putting them in the awkward position of having to converse with someone that they know doesn't want to converse with them. And yes, they'll know. The dryness of the sample messages is tip-off enough. Personally, I hate hearing from people like this -- not because I…

> There's no friction in starting something you love to do.

That's simply untrue in a lot of areas of life, perhaps most of them.

Speaking for myself I often find it incredibly difficult to start the things I love doing the most once I've started.

For many people it's especially hard to start conversations they love to have. There's a high "activation energy" to get over the hump - and it can take significant time as well, it's not just willpower and mood thing.

Combine that intense activation energy hump with a busy, pressured life, and you get high friction for initating conversations with people they love keeping in touch with.

Add "social forgetfulness" (call it focus if you like) where people don't think of their friends and other loved ones until prompted by a context, at which point they remember very fondly and want to keep in touch, but face a high activation energy hump during the moment that thought happens, and you have a recipe for people where social reminders can be helpful.

Unfortunately it's the sort of tool some other people would use to maintain artificial conviviality, for example to keep up "business networking" and remain on prospects' radar. Fake friendships with a motivation. I suspect that's where some of the instinctive animosity to this kind of tool comes from.

The "how long has it been since I talked with" reminder part of this tool is what some people have integrated into their brains by default, and others don't seem to. It doesn't mean the former brains love those they keep in touch with more. It probably means their internal scheduler and memory triggers work differently.

Re: Show HN: I’m an introvert – made an app to help maintain connections with people

#147

Post by jlokier »

tolbish wrote: post #133
sodality2 wrote: post #86

Earlier quoted context omitted.

>automating your interactions with them with AI It does not do this- it either notifies you to talk to them if you haven't in a while, or it automatically sends a single message to start a conversation. Note that I don't necessarily agree with this. I simply have a mental list of friends who I currently am keeping in touch with and every once in a while check up on the ones I haven't spoken to in a few days.

Do you suppose there is a "natural max" of connections one is primed to keep in touch with? That after that number, it becomes more or less a task rather than reaching out out of genuine interest.

I think there are more parameters.

Some people's "natural max" for actively calling or messaging on a timescale of, say, weeks or months if there's no feeling of obligation is zero.

But it doesn't necessarily mean that aren't interested. Some of those people love keeping in touch when it happens - and are genuinely interested. Their "natural max" for people they enjoy being in touch with regularly (ie. not being a task) is much higher than the number they tend initiate things with.

Come to think of it that might be true for everyone.

Re: Show HN: I’m an introvert – made an app to help maintain connections with people

#148

Post by [deleted] »

ogwh wrote: post #42

This doesn't help you maintain connections with people, it's emotional forgery and anyone caught using something like this will find their "connections" evaporate instantly. If you want to maintain connections with people put the effort in, that's the substance of the connection in the first place. If you don't, then don't. People want to feel like they matter to you, so you contacting them shows that you care about…

[deleted]

Re: Show HN: I’m an introvert – made an app to help maintain connections with people

#149

Post by void_mint »

kaioelfke wrote: post #55
ogwh wrote: post #42

This doesn't help you maintain connections with people, it's emotional forgery and anyone caught using something like this will find their "connections" evaporate instantly. If you want to maintain connections with people put the effort in, that's the substance of the connection in the first place. If you don't, then don't. People want to feel like they matter to you, so you contacting them shows that you care about…

Is the effort knowing, when to reach out yourself instead of a tool reminding you? Or is the effort about spending time with a person? I use a running tracker, but I still have to run myself. And how often do people reach out on their own? Often it’s seeing a post in a feed or some other trigger. Is that more authentic? The willingness to add a reminder and spend time shows that you care about a person.

If it's just a reminder, why not use any of the other reminder tools? (Because it's not)

Re: Show HN: I’m an introvert – made an app to help maintain connections with people

#150

Post by equality_1138 »

kaioelfke wrote: post #55
ogwh wrote: post #42

This doesn't help you maintain connections with people, it's emotional forgery and anyone caught using something like this will find their "connections" evaporate instantly. If you want to maintain connections with people put the effort in, that's the substance of the connection in the first place. If you don't, then don't. People want to feel like they matter to you, so you contacting them shows that you care about…

Is the effort knowing, when to reach out yourself instead of a tool reminding you? Or is the effort about spending time with a person? I use a running tracker, but I still have to run myself. And how often do people reach out on their own? Often it’s seeing a post in a feed or some other trigger. Is that more authentic? The willingness to add a reminder and spend time shows that you care about a person.

It looks like you are trying to trick your person about when you sent your message. Because of an introverted personality concern? Seems like a weird use of a timer to me.
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