151–160 of 296 posts
I've felt a lot of "false" positivity espoused by project managers, especially those in charge of agile ceremonies. Examples: "I'm really {proud,impressed} of all of you for your output this sprint", "You guys are {killing,crushing,owning} it", "You all should be very proud of what you guys did", etc. These aren't given after periods of crunch time, they're literally every week to the point where it feels so contrive…
I've felt a lot of "false" positivity espoused by project managers, especially those in charge of agile ceremonies. Examples: "I'm really {proud,impressed} of all of you for your output this sprint", "You guys are {killing,crushing,owning} it", "You all should be very proud of what you guys did", etc. These aren't given after periods of crunch time, they're literally every week to the point where it feels so contrive…
I tend to see "toxic positivity" as an attempt to gaslight people, but with the presumption of good intentions, and that presumption of good intentions somehow washing away the deleterious effects of gaslighting people. Somewhat unsurprisingly it turns out it's the gaslighting that's the problem, not entirely the motivation for engaging in it. My experience has been that high-performing people gravitate toward being…
(I also recognize the inherent irony of doing this in a thread about empty praise, heh.)
I vastly prefer honest negativity over dishonest positivity. An example of this is the behavior of service personnel in the US compared to my native country, every time I go there I almost want to tell them to tone down the niceness, but of course there's no point because I realize I'm the odd one out. Of course I appreciate the effort of being "nice" but when you're not doing it out of genuine care for someone I'd m…
American in Europe : "Jesus, everyone here is so rude and cold." European in America : "Jesus, everyone here is so fake and annoying."
Earlier quoted context omitted.
Same for me. I hate the celebratory management emails after crunch time. They feel insulting to me. I expect management to help during the project and not celebrating once everything is done. That while not having fixed obvious problems during the project. My partner is the other way. She loves and needs praise. The more the better. Another interesting thing was at the end of one of the last projects. There was a sur…
From past experience I would LOVE to see some managerial acknowledgement of their fuckups that lead to crunch time. Praise is temporary, but if no changes are introduced from the other end of the work pipeline people will get crushed.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
American in Europe : "Jesus, everyone here is so rude and cold." European in America : "Jesus, everyone here is so fake and annoying."
I thought that was about Russians, not Europeans in general. In Russia it's considered a mental illness to smile without a good reason.
The dynamic range is higher, versus having to figure out the difference between smiling and mega-ultra-smiling (as in the USA).
The article is mentioning Instagram as an amplifier of this need to fake being happy. But I think Facebook is responsible for it as well. I was once talking to a colleague who was showing me some old vacation pictures. Some tropical area. I commented that they were looking amazing. He said that actually there was a pile of garbage next to them, but they only put the good looking photos on Facebook. Everybody wants to…
With this constant demonstration of happiness / positivity, it's extremely difficult to get a real, honest read on something. Not everything you ate was incredible, not everywhere you went was perfect. In fact, 50% of them were below average! I wish more people would quit performing and give the real scoop. But that tends to only happen in pretty tight circles now. I noticed this effect even in a group chat of close friends once it grew from 5 to 8.
Earlier quoted context omitted.
no one wants fake praise, but rather real, genuine praise only. some folks will convince themselves the fake praise is genuine, but mostly, everyone can tell in their heart of hearts which is which. you're not really fooling most folks most of the time. give real praise only when it's deserved. support and compassion, however, should always be readily at hand.
Depends. Your output may feel great to someone else, but you may not feel excited about it personally. (and there may be no conflict, or fakery of praise in it) Perhaps based on how perfectionist you are, or based on what you like about the work. You might be excited/motivated by different aspects of your work than your manager. To me it would come down to whether I think other person is praising my work just to get…
Praise implies being in a position to praise at all. Having some authority or mastery with regard to what is praised.
Often enough, I am that authority. I don’t expect praise from my clients. I’m getting payed precisely because they lack the mastery I offer.
Instead I would be happy to hear about their true feelings. Stories of gratitude, or relief, or whatever else happened in their life that I might have played a role in.
The article is mentioning Instagram as an amplifier of this need to fake being happy. But I think Facebook is responsible for it as well. I was once talking to a colleague who was showing me some old vacation pictures. Some tropical area. I commented that they were looking amazing. He said that actually there was a pile of garbage next to them, but they only put the good looking photos on Facebook. Everybody wants to…
Earlier quoted context omitted.
I claim "it's OK to not want to change your body" is itself toxic positivity. Yes, it's "okay" in that you should not experience body or fat-shaming for being obese. No, it's not "okay" in that you are at extremely elevated risks of every health disease - and your quality of life is really terrible in comparison to people who are not obese. It's actually really terrible for the state and for society to normalize this…
> you are at extremely elevated risks of every health disease That's factually inaccurate. > It's actually really terrible for the state and for society to normalize this I don't believe there is any science to back this assertion up. It's an interesting hypothesis, but I doubt it's true. > think this lesser form of "toxic positivity" inspires complacency and a general victim mentality Actually, the opposite is true.…
GP comment doesn't claim that. You're just making this up. It's a scientific fact obesity is a health risk. What is the point in denying that?