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Toxic positivity does more harm than good

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Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good

#111

Post by clairity »

SkyPuncher wrote: post #83
halfmatthalfcat wrote: post #8

I've felt a lot of "false" positivity espoused by project managers, especially those in charge of agile ceremonies. Examples: "I'm really {proud,impressed} of all of you for your output this sprint", "You guys are {killing,crushing,owning} it", "You all should be very proud of what you guys did", etc. These aren't given after periods of crunch time, they're literally every week to the point where it feels so contrive…

"You guys are {killing,crushing,owning} it" I say this to my team a lot, even though they're operating as "expected" levels for my company. The reality is there are a lot of teams and a lot of companies that simply do not expect much from their teams. We do. I want to remind the team that they are doing good work. When people have confidence they're doing a good job, they're more likely to continue to do a good job.

no one wants fake praise, but rather real, genuine praise only. some folks will convince themselves the fake praise is genuine, but mostly, everyone can tell in their heart of hearts which is which. you're not really fooling most folks most of the time.

give real praise only when it's deserved. support and compassion, however, should always be readily at hand.

Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good

#112

Post by alexchamberlain »

halfmatthalfcat wrote: post #8

I've felt a lot of "false" positivity espoused by project managers, especially those in charge of agile ceremonies. Examples: "I'm really {proud,impressed} of all of you for your output this sprint", "You guys are {killing,crushing,owning} it", "You all should be very proud of what you guys did", etc. These aren't given after periods of crunch time, they're literally every week to the point where it feels so contrive…

Our 2 groups seem to be split down the Atlantic: the US folks love the clapping and positive reinforcement, the europeans seem to roll their eyes. (Generalisation ofc)

Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good

#113

Post by lbblack »

praptak wrote: post #46
halfmatthalfcat wrote: post #8

I've felt a lot of "false" positivity espoused by project managers, especially those in charge of agile ceremonies. Examples: "I'm really {proud,impressed} of all of you for your output this sprint", "You guys are {killing,crushing,owning} it", "You all should be very proud of what you guys did", etc. These aren't given after periods of crunch time, they're literally every week to the point where it feels so contrive…

Presenting the neutral as great is merely cringy and annoying. It's much worse when failures are presented with the mandatory positive spin. Especially the failures of the management when the employees get to bear the costs.

Failures shouldn't necessarily need a quote "mandatory positive spin". But they don't necessarily need a quote "mandatory negative spin". Meeting somewhere in the middle for a team is how generally speaking, consensus is met.

Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good

#114

Post by throw14082020 »

ChuckMcM wrote: post #78
halfmatthalfcat wrote: post #8

I've felt a lot of "false" positivity espoused by project managers, especially those in charge of agile ceremonies. Examples: "I'm really {proud,impressed} of all of you for your output this sprint", "You guys are {killing,crushing,owning} it", "You all should be very proud of what you guys did", etc. These aren't given after periods of crunch time, they're literally every week to the point where it feels so contrive…

A lot of insight in the parent comment here. Most importantly this: "...there seems to be two camps of people: those who want constant positive reinforcement and those who it completely has the opposite effect ..." If you are leading and or managing a team, one of the most important things you need to know are how do people want their feedback. My experience is that it varies from person to person (I suspect that the…

> "this team is killing it" for ahead of plan

Why do you think telling your team this is useful? https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/about-fathers/201202...

Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good

#115

Post by clairity »

halfmatthalfcat wrote: post #89
SkyPuncher wrote: post #83

Earlier quoted context omitted.

"You guys are {killing,crushing,owning} it" I say this to my team a lot, even though they're operating as "expected" levels for my company. The reality is there are a lot of teams and a lot of companies that simply do not expect much from their teams. We do. I want to remind the team that they are doing good work. When people have confidence they're doing a good job, they're more likely to continue to do a good job.

There's a class of people though, myself included, that do not like external validation. I thrive on internal validation on my perceived work product strength. I feel like I'm a better judge of whether my work is good or bad than a non-technical project manager. It's different when it comes from a technical peer or a technical manager. There it definitely means more. Closer to my point though, it was the continued re…

everyone responds to intrinsic motivation (which in part is what you're describing). very few people can last very long on extrinsic motivation only (like fake praise). there's not two classes of people who divide neatly into one camp or the other.

Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good

#116

Post by alexchamberlain »

bavent wrote: post #32
PointyFluff wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

They should just dole out cryptocurrency every time they say that. The words would have meaning again.

My work effectively does. "Points" we can redeem for physical goods or trips.

Isn't that a little patronising?

Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good

#117

Post by dbish »

baxtr wrote: post #50
halfmatthalfcat wrote: post #8

I've felt a lot of "false" positivity espoused by project managers, especially those in charge of agile ceremonies. Examples: "I'm really {proud,impressed} of all of you for your output this sprint", "You guys are {killing,crushing,owning} it", "You all should be very proud of what you guys did", etc. These aren't given after periods of crunch time, they're literally every week to the point where it feels so contrive…

I was one one of those people doing this. Not because I liked it. I hated it. It felt false. But because I somehow thought it was expected of me. All other leaders of the company would do the same. Cheer for their team, applaud them publicly, always, constantly. I felt I had to participate in that kind of political game because otherwise the team, the people I cared about would feel bad about themselves. I guess what…

I'm a senior leader and I try to go against the grain on this. I can't stand pile-on emails where every leader has to reply all with "great job" for minor things. I work to provide positive feedback for specific and great work because people see-through false positivity and in the long run you can see that the folks doing the work are very clear with thinking these "ra ra" displays show a disconnect from reality rather then a positive reinforcement. They remind me of the (pardon the language) "shit sandwich" way of providing feedback that some people feel they have to do: give a (many times false and vague) positive not then say your true feelings and end with a positive note. If they aren't specific, it just feels fake and people are just waiting for the true feedback in the middle.

Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good

#118

Post by matwood »

halfmatthalfcat wrote: post #8

I've felt a lot of "false" positivity espoused by project managers, especially those in charge of agile ceremonies. Examples: "I'm really {proud,impressed} of all of you for your output this sprint", "You guys are {killing,crushing,owning} it", "You all should be very proud of what you guys did", etc. These aren't given after periods of crunch time, they're literally every week to the point where it feels so contrive…

I wonder if we all have just become too cynical. I don't need praise, and simply prefer more money. But, if someone in charge is trying to keep the team attitude right with some positive thoughts, letting it get to me is really my problem and not theirs.

Re: Toxic positivity does more harm than good

#120

Post by UpsilonAlpha »

tchalla wrote: post #110
ChuckMcM wrote: post #78

Earlier quoted context omitted.

A lot of insight in the parent comment here. Most importantly this: "...there seems to be two camps of people: those who want constant positive reinforcement and those who it completely has the opposite effect ..." If you are leading and or managing a team, one of the most important things you need to know are how do people want their feedback. My experience is that it varies from person to person (I suspect that the…

In the end, HOW you deliver feedback matters. Personally, I have three important characteristics for a feedback. Point 1 : "Be Specific". I can not stress this enough. Please point out specific observable behaviour. Point 2 : Frame feedback in terms of team/organisational goals. Every team has a purpose within the organisation. It's a team game and every team member should know the feedback in context of the team gam…

To add on to this. Following these steps will often avoid the problem described by GP. If you can't find specific actions to praise, then there is a good chance the recipient will feel the praise is hollow.
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