Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

thetimes.co.uk

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

251–260 of 440 posts

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#251

Post by capableweb »

fromthestart wrote: post #216
capableweb wrote: post #207

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> some research showing that friendship for women is basically with whatever other women you’re around the most. If you’re a woman and want more friends, you probably need to get a new job. Or make a long-term commitment to showing up to the same place where other women are also committed to showing up (AA meetings, church, sports team, etc). Or just be friends with the wifes of your husband’s friends. I replaced "me…

Or perhaps men and women are innately different after hundreds of thousands of generations of sexually dimorphic evolution, and this affects the manner in which they socialize? It seems we've brainwashed an entire generation into believing that all differences in male and female are purely social constructs - which is total nonsense.

I'm not saying that there is no difference between men or women at all, you're jumping to conclusions here, way too quickly.

From my point of view, this particular social behavior doesn't seem to differ too much though, but I would agree with you that there are other behaviors/attributes that are very different between men or women.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#252

Post by Insanity »

NicoJuicy wrote: post #160
buro9 wrote: post #87

I run 300 forums, and I had a startup for them. The lofty goal of the startup was to "cure loneliness" but I never told the users that. My path to doing this was to encourage interest based communication, in a way that would allow them to take it offline. How? Well to make it interest + geography, i.e. horology nerds in Cumbria, cyclists in London, petrol heads in Cornwall, audiophiles in Suffolk. By binding together…

In Belgium, start cycling. There are groups everywhere, where a lot of friends meet.

And running groups as well!

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#253

Post by capableweb »

viburnum wrote: post #221
capableweb wrote: post #207

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> some research showing that friendship for women is basically with whatever other women you’re around the most. If you’re a woman and want more friends, you probably need to get a new job. Or make a long-term commitment to showing up to the same place where other women are also committed to showing up (AA meetings, church, sports team, etc). Or just be friends with the wifes of your husband’s friends. I replaced "me…

Not really. It’s possible for women to say, “I love your earrings,” and be best friends ten minutes later. I dare you to try that as a man.

Not sure if this is a joke, but it's neither as easy you believe it to be for women, or as hard you think it is for men.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#255

Post by all2 »

rolltiide wrote: post #89
tonystubblebine wrote: post #63

Earlier quoted context omitted.

An important post-30 strategy that I use is to assume that all friends with children are prisoners in their own home. You know exactly where they are. You know they don't have plans. They are desperate for adult conversation. That means you can invite yourself over, bring takeout, and basically make their day. I'm coupled but this should work as a single. Our parent friends say it's actually easier to be friends with…

This was my strategy with club promoters. They maintain an air of exclusivity with gaggles of beautiful women around them, and self preservation would tell you not to dare approach any of the women or the table and that the promoter - usually male - would be disinterested or aggressive towards you. But a reality is that the promoters are also desperate for casual conversation. All those beautiful women around and if…

I can't say I have a stake in the above post, but I am curious as to why it is getting downvoted?

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#256

Post by thsealienbstrds »

ancarda wrote: post #224
black_puppydog wrote: post #180

Sorry, I know this will trigger some folks, but this is exactly why I never understood the backlash against "toxic masculinity" that I see from (male) friends whenever the term comes up. Who said it's supposed to be toxic only for others? Being a stereotypically "manly" man would prevent me in particular from expressing some of the things that make me feel the least lonely, from simple things like cooking and being p…

I think it's mostly due to the phrase "toxic masculinity"; it's far too easy to misunderstand it as "masculinity is toxic" - and it doesn't help when someone asks for examples; stuff like stoicism and strength can come up. These aren't toxic. I've also spoken to people who actually believe independence (and wanting to be independent) is toxic. As this is mostly a branding problem, I want to say I recently came across…

Yep, toxic masculinity sounds like men have some kind of disease that they spread whenever they fart.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#257

Post by chrisseaton »

icebraining wrote: post #248
chrisseaton wrote: post #226

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> Meetings outside the working hours?! Where is this common? If you have people in, for example, London and San Francisco, how can you possibly have a meeting inside both people's 9-5 working hours?

> how can you possibly have a meeting inside both people's 9-5 working hours? Don't have 9-5 working hours? Having a meeting at 8 is okay, but that should mean people get to leave earlier as well.

You can always have meetings inside working hours if you’re prepared to expand working hours either side as much as needed like that!

In the modern international economy you’re going to have to be a bit flexible with hours.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#258

Post by rolltiide »

all2 wrote: post #255
rolltiide wrote: post #89

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This was my strategy with club promoters. They maintain an air of exclusivity with gaggles of beautiful women around them, and self preservation would tell you not to dare approach any of the women or the table and that the promoter - usually male - would be disinterested or aggressive towards you. But a reality is that the promoters are also desperate for casual conversation. All those beautiful women around and if…

I can't say I have a stake in the above post, but I am curious as to why it is getting downvoted?

in my experience

sometimes people disagree with the content, or sometimes they don't see how it relates to the topic being discussed

in this case, my conclusion to round it out is that it is nice to see how assuming other people's loneliness can be used in multiple environments

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#259

Post by pferde »

jimktrains2 wrote: post #223
Gibbon1 wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Reminds me I think of a Dilbert strip where Wally takes up smoking so he has an excuse to take breaks and hang out with people.

I used to do non-smoking "smoking" breaks with my smoker friends at work. Why should I be denied 10minutes of non-work every hour or two !

As soon as my place of employment starts handing out oxygen masks, I'll do the same.

Wait, no, I'd need a full body suit, because I do not want to get my clothes reeking of that crap. :)

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#260

Post by chousuke »

intrasight wrote: post #177
mieseratte wrote: post #163

Earlier quoted context omitted.

To be frank, this rings a bit like “How to beat depression? Just be happier!” Of the “lonely men” I know most are the type who simply don’t put themselves out there to make friends in the first place. For some this is problematic, for a select few this is self imposed. As a guy, at least for friendship, I have no reservations about “putting myself out there.” You’d be surprised how many folks you meet can’t or won’t,…

I was of the type that didn't put myself out there. Certainly I had to get over that first. I have male friends who are lonely, and I keep saying that you do need to get outside your comfort zone.

I hear that lots but it always leaves me wondering, what is the thing that actually gets you to do it?

If the solution were that easy, there wouldn't be a problem.

Post reply on HN