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Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

thetimes.co.uk

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Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#241

Post by CalChris »

tonystubblebine wrote: post #63
paganel wrote: post #5

As a man is pretty damn hard keeping friends after the age of 30, especially if you happen to go trough a divorce when suddenly more than half (if not more) of your friends get to “choose” the other side. Yeah, you get to ask your friends back from high-school or college out for a beer but chances are they’re also in a middle of a divorce or they’re too busy with family requirements (can’t blame them) or too stressed…

An important post-30 strategy that I use is to assume that all friends with children are prisoners in their own home. You know exactly where they are. You know they don't have plans. They are desperate for adult conversation. That means you can invite yourself over, bring takeout, and basically make their day. I'm coupled but this should work as a single. Our parent friends say it's actually easier to be friends with…

Child-free couples, unless of course you're talking playdates which is a social tree climb all its own. But single, disagree from experience. There's even a line from Nora Ephron's Heartburn, the book not the movie:

  Couples date couples.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#242

Post by hubert1234 »

icebraining wrote: post #219
goatinaboat wrote: post #134

Earlier quoted context omitted.

You are illustrating the problem which is that men are “not allowed” to have problems. There are plenty of things, such as unrealistic body image portrayed by the media, that affect both men and women, yet women claim it exclusively as theirs, because men aren’t supposed to. Can’t men have a thing?

> women claim it exclusively as theirs This way of putting things, as if groups like "women" or "men" were clubs with decision making processes, is absurd and only serves to cause division and infighting.

it's not a way of putting things, it's fact

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#243

Post by daneyh »

DeusExMachina wrote: post #23
paganel wrote: post #5

As a man is pretty damn hard keeping friends after the age of 30, especially if you happen to go trough a divorce when suddenly more than half (if not more) of your friends get to “choose” the other side. Yeah, you get to ask your friends back from high-school or college out for a beer but chances are they’re also in a middle of a divorce or they’re too busy with family requirements (can’t blame them) or too stressed…

I moved to another country at the age of 30, which meant the number of friends I had dropped to 0. What worked for me was starting dancing tango, where I built a newer, better and larger network than the one I previously had. I guess this can apply to any social activity where you can interact with people, be it social dancing or coocking classes.

I did this with Crossfit. Met people very similar to me who like beer, football (soccer), video games and got my diet and fitness together at the same time (except the beer:)

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#244

Post by CalChris »

rutierut wrote: post #69
DeusExMachina wrote: post #23

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I moved to another country at the age of 30, which meant the number of friends I had dropped to 0. What worked for me was starting dancing tango, where I built a newer, better and larger network than the one I previously had. I guess this can apply to any social activity where you can interact with people, be it social dancing or coocking classes.

This is amazing, it really shows character that you take action to solve your problems and are successful in doing so. So please know that this is not aimed at you personally... But... I am so freaking sick of people recommending others to pickup either salsa or tango! Not of the people that recommend this themselves but are there really no other options? Tango/salsa classes seem to get recommended again, again and a…

It has to start with the music. If you like tango music, you might like tango. If you like swing music, you might like swing dancing. Same with salsa.

For example, I can't stand bachata music and so I pass on bachata dancing. But I like cuban music, so I'm a casino dancer.

Start with the music.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#245

Post by throwaway66920 »

hogFeast wrote: post #208
throwaway66920 wrote: post #170

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is silly and naive. Tax benefits for families exist to help and encourage families. Society is better off when people can afford to raise a family. To twist it into an anti single man view is way off base.

Yes, when a powerful, politically active group forces another less powerful, politically inactive group to subsidise them it is definitely not discriminatory. You should tell that to India, those idiots thought making them pay for their own colonisation was bad...their society was better off. I can see now, it is so obvious. > Society is better off when people can afford to raise a family. Alternate theory: society i…

It is impressive how strongly held, yet also specific your beliefs are. Who told you this.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#246

Post by [deleted] »

ryanmarsh wrote: post #22

I find it interesting that men seem to be at the polar ends of the friendship spectrum. When lonely, they are the most lonely, and also when they have friendship claim higher levels of trust in those relationships than women would. Women who express feelings of loneliness tend to have more human connections than men expressing similar feelings. Women claiming to have good friendships still do not indicate high levels…

[deleted]

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#247

Post by [deleted] »

whateveracct wrote: post #115
enraged_camel wrote: post #96

Earlier quoted context omitted.

What is interesting is that most people understand the concept of a plan B when it comes to things like what university they will attend, their careers, their financial safety nets, etc. But they assume their marriage will last forever. As you imply, it’s a big mistake.

Assuming your marriage lasts forever is kind of the point. It's an existential leap-of-faith.

[deleted]

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#248

Post by icebraining »

chrisseaton wrote: post #226
icebraining wrote: post #190

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Meetings outside the working hours?! Where is this common? Here we work 9-6, but even in the places I've worked on where unpaid overtime was common (otherwise you wouldn't keep up with the workload), no manager would have the gall to schedule regular meetings outside working hours.

> Meetings outside the working hours?! Where is this common? If you have people in, for example, London and San Francisco, how can you possibly have a meeting inside both people's 9-5 working hours?

> how can you possibly have a meeting inside both people's 9-5 working hours?

Don't have 9-5 working hours? Having a meeting at 8 is okay, but that should mean people get to leave earlier as well.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#249

Post by crispyporkbites »

viburnum wrote: post #59

Can’t find it right now, but I recall some research showing that friendship for men is basically with whatever other men you’re around the most. If you’re a man and want more friends, you probably need to get a new job. Or make a long-term commitment to showing up to the same place where other men are also committed to showing up (AA meetings, church, sports team, etc). Or just be friends with the husbands of your wi…

> you don’t need a sparkling wit or anything, you just have to show up

True of many things in life

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#250

Post by wildduck »

paganel wrote: post #5

As a man is pretty damn hard keeping friends after the age of 30, especially if you happen to go trough a divorce when suddenly more than half (if not more) of your friends get to “choose” the other side. Yeah, you get to ask your friends back from high-school or college out for a beer but chances are they’re also in a middle of a divorce or they’re too busy with family requirements (can’t blame them) or too stressed…

I think this can be a cultural phenomenal, and what culture enforces who or how we ought to act at a certain age. I've traveled a lot in Europe. And it is amazing different kinds interesting people you meet. It makes movies and netflix boring.

I find people there tend to maintain more close relationship male and female. I person know someone way beyond his 30's, have many many groups of close personal male and female friends. He once told me that having these close relationship and maintaining them has tremendously improved his quality of his life and it is something he would NOT trade for any amount of money in the world.

The idea that one must marry at certain age have career at certain age is insane. Do what you like when you want to do it. Timing is important.

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