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Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

thetimes.co.uk

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Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#61

Post by ericmcer »

throwaway66920 wrote: post #17

The article states 18% of men had no close friends, significantly higher than women at 12%. Honestly that’s doesn’t sound hugely different to me. For every two women with none, there’s three men with none. The gap is a bit smaller for best friends too.

Could this also have something to do with how men define “close” vs women? Women are better at being emotionally vulnerable with friends so they may be able to obtain a deeper relationship faster. Co-workers and gym buddy’s might be considered close friends by women whereas they will never crack surface level interactions for men.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#62

Post by 14 »

new2628 wrote: post #25
paganel wrote: post #5

As a man is pretty damn hard keeping friends after the age of 30, especially if you happen to go trough a divorce when suddenly more than half (if not more) of your friends get to “choose” the other side. Yeah, you get to ask your friends back from high-school or college out for a beer but chances are they’re also in a middle of a divorce or they’re too busy with family requirements (can’t blame them) or too stressed…

I see why friends who are busy with family would not have time to go out, but those in the middle of a divorce should be prime material for drowning a few beers together.

There is an incredible amount of stress following a divorce. What will happen with the kids. Where will everyone live. Can I afford to live the same life style. Who will our friends choose. And probably 100 things I have forgotten. I was not the same person after divorcing for I would say about 3 years. I felt out of place. Lost. Certainly not wanting to go grab a beer. It was not a celebration and if anything for a long time one feels like they had failed at something. So I can see how anyone going through a divorce is high risk for social isolation.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#63

Post by tonystubblebine »

paganel wrote: post #5

As a man is pretty damn hard keeping friends after the age of 30, especially if you happen to go trough a divorce when suddenly more than half (if not more) of your friends get to “choose” the other side. Yeah, you get to ask your friends back from high-school or college out for a beer but chances are they’re also in a middle of a divorce or they’re too busy with family requirements (can’t blame them) or too stressed…

An important post-30 strategy that I use is to assume that all friends with children are prisoners in their own home. You know exactly where they are. You know they don't have plans. They are desperate for adult conversation. That means you can invite yourself over, bring takeout, and basically make their day. I'm coupled but this should work as a single.

Our parent friends say it's actually easier to be friends with child-free people because they don't have the complications of arranging around the kids. We arrive just as the kids are going to bed so that we can say a perfunctory hello and then usually leave by 10:30p.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#64

Post by viburnum »

cameronbrown wrote: post #19
GhettoMaestro wrote: post #4

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Also hypergamy.

I fail to see how that's relevant to making friends.

There’s a pecking order for men. Nobody likes the guy at the bottom of the hierarchy.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#65

Post by Already__Taken »

jcims wrote: post #33
paganel wrote: post #5

As a man is pretty damn hard keeping friends after the age of 30, especially if you happen to go trough a divorce when suddenly more than half (if not more) of your friends get to “choose” the other side. Yeah, you get to ask your friends back from high-school or college out for a beer but chances are they’re also in a middle of a divorce or they’re too busy with family requirements (can’t blame them) or too stressed…

I sometimes wonder if I’m broken when I see comments like yours, which seem heartfelt and correct and as it should be (the desire for friendships that is). Maybe it’s because my wife and kids fill the void, but I just have no interest in making or maintaining friendships. My wife has a really cool coworker that tries to get me out of the house but i just kinda flop on him. I live in a secluded spot that you can’t see…

Do you have a hobbie that's not your work?

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#66

Post by trollied »

DeusExMachina wrote: post #23
paganel wrote: post #5

As a man is pretty damn hard keeping friends after the age of 30, especially if you happen to go trough a divorce when suddenly more than half (if not more) of your friends get to “choose” the other side. Yeah, you get to ask your friends back from high-school or college out for a beer but chances are they’re also in a middle of a divorce or they’re too busy with family requirements (can’t blame them) or too stressed…

I moved to another country at the age of 30, which meant the number of friends I had dropped to 0. What worked for me was starting dancing tango, where I built a newer, better and larger network than the one I previously had. I guess this can apply to any social activity where you can interact with people, be it social dancing or coocking classes.

I did the same. Moved abroad in my mid 20s, effectively restarting my life in several respects. It can be hard to make new friends when you're in your late 30s/early 40s, but I'm ok with just a few.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#67

Post by Gibbon1 »

thrownaway954 wrote: post #32

Become an alcoholic... Join AA.. Boom!!! More friends than you can imagine :) In all seriousness... I hear this all the time in the rooms... loneliness is a killer. What's crazy is I have a sponsee, who specifically wanted to get sober cause the loneliness was driving him insane. Any reason to get sober and stay is a good reason in my book.

Reminds me I think of a Dilbert strip where Wally takes up smoking so he has an excuse to take breaks and hang out with people.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#68

Post by simion314 »

TazeTSchnitzel wrote: post #37
rconti wrote: post #29

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed that it's clickbaity. I already felt bad for the (smaller) proportion of women who would be turned off by this headline, and then when you read the actual article, it's 12% of women and "almost one in five which would be 20%) of men. So, men's rate is not even double womens'. Don't get me wrong, both numbers are serious, and I agree it's a lot harder for us men. It's just that, particularly in the case of such…

Focussing on men risks feeding the whole “men are victims of feminism” narrative.

Why do you think that? As a man I think we are the victims of our culture where as a man you need to be tough and not reach for help or chat about things.

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#69

Post by rutierut »

DeusExMachina wrote: post #23
paganel wrote: post #5

As a man is pretty damn hard keeping friends after the age of 30, especially if you happen to go trough a divorce when suddenly more than half (if not more) of your friends get to “choose” the other side. Yeah, you get to ask your friends back from high-school or college out for a beer but chances are they’re also in a middle of a divorce or they’re too busy with family requirements (can’t blame them) or too stressed…

I moved to another country at the age of 30, which meant the number of friends I had dropped to 0. What worked for me was starting dancing tango, where I built a newer, better and larger network than the one I previously had. I guess this can apply to any social activity where you can interact with people, be it social dancing or coocking classes.

This is amazing, it really shows character that you take action to solve your problems and are successful in doing so.

So please know that this is not aimed at you personally...

But...

I am so freaking sick of people recommending others to pickup either salsa or tango! Not of the people that recommend this themselves but are there really no other options? Tango/salsa classes seem to get recommended again, again and again, I get that it's a fun activity with a good gender balance, forced interaction and just enough tension to naturally provide a fun atmosphere but is there nothing else??

I don't wanna tango :(

Re: Almost one in five men admits to having no close friends, a survey has found

#70

Post by zzzcpan »

Abishek_Muthian wrote: post #57

Is being lonely really that bad? I like being lonely, not that it makes me happy, as a matter of fact it may be opposite but I really didn't like when I was not lonely (or) say when I had to socialise, indulge in the small-talk just for the sake of it; I felt like having to constantly fake emotions and have insincere conversations. I've almost completely cut off any realtime communication and my current lifestyle see…

It's not a real objective feeling, so no, it's not bad, it's subjective.
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