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What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

nytimes.com

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Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#161

Post by [deleted] »

Someone1234 wrote: post #31
spdustin wrote: post #9

I feel like this should be left here: Everybody you meet has a secret smile, and a secret pain. If your secret pain feels like a weight you can no longer carry, please talk to someone. Anyone. Lay down your burdens, and give your shoulders a rest. If you're in the US, there's the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 LGBT folks in the US might also consider The Trevor Project Lifeline: 1-866-488-7386 I…

If you're in the US, you may also wish to think twice before calling the cops on a loved one, particularly if they're only a danger to themselves (and not you or others). Police in the US rarely receive training[0] in dealing with suicidal individuals, and are instead trained to escalate the situation and or use violence for a resolution[1]. There are numerous examples of the police turning up on a suicide call and k…

[deleted]

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#162

Post by phailhaus »

jMyles wrote: post #136

I started reading with a lot of interest, but this line caused me to close the window: > In some cases, calling 911 may be the best option. It seems so tone-deaf. More accurate is: > In cases where life is at stake, consider calling 911, but if you do, know that police will likely respond first and may not be trained to deal with a mental health crisis. In some cases, people have been brutalized or even killed after…

If only you had continued reading one more sentence!

> But remember that interactions with law enforcement can vary wildly, depending on race and socio-economic background. In cases where you’re concerned that calling police could put a person in danger, try to come up with an alternate plan in advance.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#163

Post by wrycoder »

Jtsummers wrote: post #83
Magmatic wrote: post #72

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think the best talk I had from a therapist in the early aughts went, "In general, the only things we know that help with depression are: exercise, some sunlight, a little social interaction, and self-care; bathing, brushing your teeth, etc. Medicine can help some but results are inconsistent, talk therapy is rarely helpful." He spent two years just keeping me accountable on the little day to day things and while it…

I survived my deepest depression by showering and shaving every day. Then forcing myself to get dressed and go be with other people, even sitting in a coffee shop and feeling miserable, hiding it behind a smile and a book. Being home, alone, unshaven, unclean, in an unkept house made me feel worse because of all the things I saw that needed to be done, and the isolation allowing me to think about that and only that.…

My suggestion is, instead of "making" the bed, pull the top sheet and covers down to the end and let the bed air out. It's easier and more healthy.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#164

Post by phkahler »

megaman22 wrote: post #67
mywittyname wrote: post #53

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I suspect this is a driver of the increased suicide rate. People are afraid to tell others because they don't want to deal with the police/authorities, so they don't get the help they need. My sister attempted suicide as a teenager and the police that responded spent hours ransacking our home and further tormenting my family for no good reason. Then to think of her being locked up in the hospital (I wasn't able to se…

There also seems to be this weird stigma about admitting that you have ever contemplated suicide. People seem to take that as some sort of signal that you are completely unhinged. Maybe I'm a nutcase, but I've taken the time to prepare a set of scenarios under which I would no longer want to live, and think about what would need to be taken care of to exit the world without undue burden on those that depend on me. Th…

>> ...but I've taken the time to prepare a set of scenarios under which I would no longer want to live, and think about what would need to be taken care of...

I believe professionals would categorize what you wrote there as "planning suicide". So long as you have not started "taking care of" those things you have not begun executing your plan. Planning is a rather big step beyond contemplating - I hope you're doing better now. You may also want to consider that actually getting your affairs in order could be an enabler.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#165

Post by megaman22 »

phkahler wrote: post #164
megaman22 wrote: post #67

Earlier quoted context omitted.

There also seems to be this weird stigma about admitting that you have ever contemplated suicide. People seem to take that as some sort of signal that you are completely unhinged. Maybe I'm a nutcase, but I've taken the time to prepare a set of scenarios under which I would no longer want to live, and think about what would need to be taken care of to exit the world without undue burden on those that depend on me. Th…

>> ...but I've taken the time to prepare a set of scenarios under which I would no longer want to live, and think about what would need to be taken care of... I believe professionals would categorize what you wrote there as "planning suicide". So long as you have not started "taking care of" those things you have not begun executing your plan. Planning is a rather big step beyond contemplating - I hope you're doing b…

See, this is exactly what I am talking about.

It's evaluating a set of contingencies. Like, the general staffs of armies make war plans that they will never execute, unless the particular parameters fall in place, all the time. To do otherwise would be irresponsible.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#166

Post by MisterOctober »

Someone1234 wrote: post #31
spdustin wrote: post #9

I feel like this should be left here: Everybody you meet has a secret smile, and a secret pain. If your secret pain feels like a weight you can no longer carry, please talk to someone. Anyone. Lay down your burdens, and give your shoulders a rest. If you're in the US, there's the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 LGBT folks in the US might also consider The Trevor Project Lifeline: 1-866-488-7386 I…

If you're in the US, you may also wish to think twice before calling the cops on a loved one, particularly if they're only a danger to themselves (and not you or others). Police in the US rarely receive training[0] in dealing with suicidal individuals, and are instead trained to escalate the situation and or use violence for a resolution[1]. There are numerous examples of the police turning up on a suicide call and k…

Yep. Back in my student / tutor days at university, I had a student with severe mental health problems. One afternoon, someone at his dorm called the police with the idea of helping him. He died of that day while being restrained by the officers who came to help.

Many officers don't receive sufficient training on how to deal with mental health crises, and sometimes the result of contact is bad.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#167

Post by phkahler »

oceanghost wrote: post #20
spdustin wrote: post #9

I feel like this should be left here: Everybody you meet has a secret smile, and a secret pain. If your secret pain feels like a weight you can no longer carry, please talk to someone. Anyone. Lay down your burdens, and give your shoulders a rest. If you're in the US, there's the National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 LGBT folks in the US might also consider The Trevor Project Lifeline: 1-866-488-7386 I…

> Everybody you meet has a secret smile, and a secret pain. Star Trek V! Sybok: Let us explore it together. Each man hides a secret pain. It must be exposed and reckoned with. It must be dragged from the darkness and forced into the light. Share your pain. Share your pain with me, and gain strength from the sharing.

Sometimes the pain is a secret even from the person harboring it. IMO this is the basis for some PDs.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#168

Post by tptacek »

rjurney wrote: post #150
tptacek wrote: post #104

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I've never seen it be in someone's control, in the sense that they were able to say "this isn't working for me, I'd like to leave now" and then were allowed to leave. I've also never seen it go all the way to court; rather, there's a statutory period of time after a voluntary admission where you have to either be released or taken to court, and that period is something on the order of an entire business week. The pat…

I've seen multiple people dislike it there, and walk out. Unless you are committed, you can leave at any time. You sound clinically paranoid.

I've lawyered up to get people out, more than once. Please be more civil.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#169

Post by phkahler »

serpix wrote: post #78
questionsuch wrote: post #3

As much as I know all of these things, the attitude my loved one has has killed the love out of me. Constant negativity, agitation, it's just tiring. I just can't seem to not take it personal, and to have a mindset that it is the disease and not the person. I can't figure out how to start loving the person again.

Four years ago I was at this point. I talked with a number of psychologists and therapists about this. One of them said: "Have you wondered if your anxiety is really because of your relationship". And so began the steps to disengage and end the relationship. I don't regret it now. I could not and still cannot keep my empathy separate from the suffering of others. The alternative would have been to harden my emotions…

Whatever anyone says about this, don't feel bad about it. We are not all the same - some can deal with it and some can not. Therapists actually have a high burn-out rate because listening to other peoples issues can get to them. It's great that you've established this boundary for yourself.

Re: What to Do When a Loved One Is Severely Depressed

#170

Post by mmt »

rectang wrote: post #146
mmt wrote: post #139

Earlier quoted context omitted.

OK, so enduring (which includes constant/unwavering?) and untreatable. I haven't been able to find how many sufferers of depression that includes. If it's close to or actually zero, then maybe it's a strawman.

It's not zero. The numbers are pretty big: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Treatment-resistant_depression... Treatment-resistance is relatively common in cases of Major Depressive Disorder. Rates of total remission following antidepressant treatment are only 50.4%. In cases of depression treated by a primary-care physician, 32% of patients partially responded to treatment and 45% did not respond at all. I'm not advocat…

> It's not zero. The numbers are pretty big

Woah.. treatment resistance is nowhere near the same as being untreatable. It's an alarmingly huge leap to make, especially since the definition kicks in after only two anti-depressants have failed.

> minimizing human suffering is worthwhile;

I agree..

> then the idea of forcing someone to live a life of pain bothers me

But I still take issue with the seeming over-simplicity of this statement, as well as your original comment, because it (dangerously, in my opinion) brings the notion of euthanasia/suicide [1] into the dicussion merely because of some pain.

If someone's life is going to be, essentially, nothing but pain, then, OK, I agree it's inhumane to force that someone to live, but that just hasn't been established.

Meanwhile, philisophically, I'm uncomfortable with not pursuing all the other avenues of pain relief before resorting to death.

[1] Assisted, unassisted, whatever.. I'm not categorically opposed, by any means.

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