Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic? • Hacker News Board

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#191

Post by lambda_lover » Mon, Mar 05, 2018, 9:08 PM UTC

hestipod wrote: post #21

I am incredibly lonely. Health and financial circumstances pushed me into the worst possible social situation...isolated in rural unconnected America where the only two people I regularly see resent me and it has had a severely negative effect on my already miserable health over the years. Being middle aged it magnifies the issue as it's harder to connect as you age anyway due to life's progression. I saw huge number…

I know you're getting a lot of unsolicited advice here, but I'd like to throw in my suggestion since you don't seem interested/capable of a lot of the suggested hobbies. I found myself in a similar situation in the past (health + geographical isolation) and becoming heavily involved and eventually and admin of a web forum was one of the best things that ever happened to me. I'm no longer involved, but it was a wonderful place with a really supportive community better than anything I've experienced in real life outside of college. If you find yourself on your computer for a large portion of the day anyway, it's a great way to make those hours more productive due to friendship :)

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#192

Post by 13of40 » Mon, Mar 05, 2018, 9:09 PM UTC

jchrisa wrote: post #83

hliyan wrote: post #59

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Agreed. Perhaps this is not exactly what you meant, but I do feel that shared spaces are shrinking and private spaces are expanding. I found this particular quote from The Atlantic quite telling: "The United States is in some ways becoming a medieval society, in which people live and work in the modern equivalent of castles--gated communities, apartment buildings with doormen, and office buildings with guards--and tr…

Sell your car and start biking year round. You won't be lonely for long.

Biking and walking to work are a couple of the loneliest activities I've tried.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#193

Post by hestipod » Mon, Mar 05, 2018, 9:10 PM UTC

marnett wrote: post #187

hestipod wrote: post #164

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It just connected with the losses and changes of getting older and less self sufficient, and how those have been magnified in me since I was struck down before 30 with serious health issues so I experienced them earlier than I should have. It's hard to believe how long its been looking back. I feel my life sort of froze in many ways and the wounds most definitely haven't healed with time. "Gradually, then suddenly" j…

Given that perspective it is quite a somber phrase. Assuming you are living in America, do you feel like the standard 'things you should care about' package offered to us by government, cultural-shaping institutions, and the economy-shaping institutions is rather lack-luster when the standard distractions do not apply? I guess more specifically, given the variance off the 'standard american life' you have experienced…

I'm always afraid of the negative attention with such political statements, but I most definitely feel left behind by America and am not a fan of it's priorities. I did what I was "supposed" to, paid into the system, worked hard, and when I needed help it wasn't there and common things available to me before, like medical care/insurance, were suddenly out of reach. I find that incomprehensible in a first world nation.

I have seen friends in similar positions in countries with robust social systems rebuild their lives and live/contribute again in ways not possible without that healthcare/education/living support. I lived abroad for some time and was able to access medical care there I simply cannot afford here but wasn't able to emigrate fully. The "rugged individualism" attitude of the culture doesn't seem to have much room for people once they lose their independence whether it's their fault or not...which frankly I don't think should matter...but especially hurts since I am not at fault for my situation.

I gave up arguing about it a long time ago as I've never succeeded in changing anyone's view and just get depressed at the debate. Only suffering it directly seems to ever change people, and some of those people still seem to attack other victims rather than the cause of the issue. It's a bigger problem than I can affect but I hope one day people aren't left behind in such ways.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#194

Post by david-cako » Mon, Mar 05, 2018, 9:11 PM UTC

ConstantineNash wrote: post #58

I'm very introverted. That, and a couple of health issues, resulted in me being alone during the past few years. I know it's not normal/healthy, but as weird as it sounds, I don't feel unhappy. I enjoy being alone most of the time, and during the rare moments when feel a bit lonely, standup comedy and TV sitcoms make that feeling go away. I spend my time writing, learning to code, working on my startup, listening to…

> I feel like all the people I'd like to talk to live in the US/UK/Canada, not here.

I know exactly what you mean. The internet means we become much more accustomed to associating with people with similar interests. I have had a similarly hard time, even having lived all over the US. It's just difficult, especially when your interests are things that are very "independent" -- computers, learning, music (at least for me, since it's not generally the type you can go to a bar and listen to).

The people I'm closest to are all purely coincidental.

Try software competitions maybe? It's really the only place I can think of where I've felt like I could get on with a large portion of the people, but even then I still feel like I have a very different personality.

It's a vicious cycle. I consider myself pretty extroverted, but I just am bored by most people. I'm sure everyone else who I might become friends with has the same problem, and thus none of us ever meet.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#195

Post by trophycase » Mon, Mar 05, 2018, 9:16 PM UTC

legulere wrote: post #122

drdeadringer wrote: post #70

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> It feels like one of those things which creeps on you, and before you know it, you aren't attending social events, you don't have much energy or confidence, your perception of others becomes skewed, and it all seems pretty helpless. "How did you get lonely?" "Gradually, then suddenly." ... I wonder if there aren't many aspects of life like this.

I checked this out as I heard the phrase before. "Gradually, then suddenly" seems to be originally a quote from Hemmingway in The Sun Also Rises about bankrupcy: “How did you go bankrupt?" - "Two ways. Gradually, then suddenly.” It is quoted then in the context of depression in the movie Prozac Nation: "Gradually, then suddenly." That's how depression hits. You wake up one morning, afraid that you're gonna live.

Interesting little piece of trivia. I'm on vacation and just finished reading The Sun Also Rises 2 days ago and I'm now reading "The Awakening" by Kate Chopin and just encountered this passage:

"They became intimate and friendly by imperceptible degrees, and then by leaps."

Which reads very similar to the Hemmingway passage. Maybe he stole it ;)

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#196

Post by yelloweyes » Mon, Mar 05, 2018, 9:18 PM UTC

marnett wrote: post #169

machinecontrol wrote: post #3

Sometimes I feel like social media actually makes us more lonely and disconnected from others.

It is. Get off of it. Ask cashiers how they are doing before they talk to you. Smile at strangers. Make small talk when standing around. Eventually you will find someone who is not indoctrinated into these isolation chambers tossed at us by corporations profiting off of our attention. When you do find someone on the same wavelength (perhaps it might be me!) you can enjoy, even if briefly, a real human interaction - e…

If you don't fear being looked at like you have a third eye or people thinking you are a weirdo, then by all means do this.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#197

Post by joslin01 » Mon, Mar 05, 2018, 9:21 PM UTC

machinecontrol wrote: post #3

Sometimes I feel like social media actually makes us more lonely and disconnected from others.

Yes it does, I have a comment on that very thing and how it relates to the drug epidemic [here](https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=16449876) you might be interested in.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#198

Post by changechan » Mon, Mar 05, 2018, 9:21 PM UTC

hestipod wrote: post #21

I am incredibly lonely. Health and financial circumstances pushed me into the worst possible social situation...isolated in rural unconnected America where the only two people I regularly see resent me and it has had a severely negative effect on my already miserable health over the years. Being middle aged it magnifies the issue as it's harder to connect as you age anyway due to life's progression. I saw huge number…

its all about perspective. I live remotely and hardly interact with anyone and I'm very happy. It helps i am INPJ but it really shouldn't matter. You just need to change your view of life. For me, it was reading and practing CBD books. Also you need to get rid of people that are negative or resent you. That being said I have 1000 plant starts going today and need to transplant 300 more. THen I need to clean the greenhouse out and build raised beds. I'm to busy to be lonely. You need to get engaged with your own life and forget about what others think of you aka get rid of your want for peer acceptance.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#199

Post by arximboldi » Mon, Mar 05, 2018, 9:22 PM UTC

oldcynic wrote: post #52

Interesting. No one has yet mentioned today's lack of community. We don't share a sense of place any more, we move around from job to job, families spread around the country or globe. We rarely share an emotional connection and sense of place with our neighbours that our grandparents would have known. We haven't even kept the sense of virtual community that the BBS's had - social networks amplify dissent and engageme…

I agree. However, in spite of my collectivist tendencies, I have to admit myself that it is too easy to romanticise communities from the past. They could be vicious holes with no room for scape, as the rural book trilogy from García Lorca or movies like the White Ribbon illustrate...

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#200

Post by marnett » Mon, Mar 05, 2018, 9:27 PM UTC

hestipod wrote: post #193

marnett wrote: post #187

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Given that perspective it is quite a somber phrase. Assuming you are living in America, do you feel like the standard 'things you should care about' package offered to us by government, cultural-shaping institutions, and the economy-shaping institutions is rather lack-luster when the standard distractions do not apply? I guess more specifically, given the variance off the 'standard american life' you have experienced…

I'm always afraid of the negative attention with such political statements, but I most definitely feel left behind by America and am not a fan of it's priorities. I did what I was "supposed" to, paid into the system, worked hard, and when I needed help it wasn't there and common things available to me before, like medical care/insurance, were suddenly out of reach. I find that incomprehensible in a first world nation…

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, although I didn't intend, specifically, for them to seem political. I think your statements lie at the core of American society. My asking was more a sociological inquiry than a political one, largely because I agree with you, the problem is one that stems from all U.S. institutions with any large amount of power. Unfortunately I think inciting any large scale change is impossible.

So that brings me to my next inquiry, aside from possibly planting seeds in the minds of others to think about the world from a vastly different perspective, what is there left? Many live comfortably never paying any attention to the spectacle that is our life, our society, our value - unfortunately, as you pointed out, many people will not look for more substance unless their life derails from 'how it is supposed to go' (the very norm of which is pitched from said institutions with influencing power). What is it that brings you happiness or awe? Satisfying your curiosity for knowledge? Writing out your thoughts on the world? I am of the increasing position that happiness can only be rooted in things of great depth, substance, and near-cosmic importance. I'm just curious to your thoughts.