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Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

nytimes.com

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Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#51

Post by jsmthrowaway »

snarf21 wrote: post #42
hestipod wrote: post #34

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well there is the rub...I can't do the hobbies I enjoy because of physical health or money or both. The other things that might provide SOME diversion or evolve into new hobbies aren't accessible here because I am isolated rurally. Driving for an hour requires borrowing a car, paying for gas and expenses and fearing a breakdown which I would have to pay for, creating more pain with the 2 hours of travel which sucks u…

I understand that it isn't an easy road but nothing is. Gardening or photography is a hobby you can start yourself with almost no cost and health isn't a real barrier. If there is no club, you could start one. Or maybe join the mall walking club which may also help with your physical health. There is something out there for you. You're worth it so put forth the effort. The return will surprise you.

I get you have good intentions, but be careful not to assume you have a handle on what the physical health troubles are, nor that you understand the exact circumstances preventing action that seem easily surmountable to you. It can be more harmful than good to suggest stuff like this if you've missed the mark in your assumptions, speaking as someone who experiences a lot of well-wishing advice for similar reasons.

Sometimes it's better to listen than explain.

I explain it like this: if you're "normal," for lack of a better word, interacting with someone with major depression can feel like debugging a program that is currently in an undefined state. Nothing makes sense, and your rules for how a program should behave are irrelevant, because depression makes me think in ways that are completely bananas (both to you and me, oddly enough). But, you can't just restart the process, so take your time understanding what's going on before acting; sometimes, action is not the right course at all.

I'm not trying to pick on you. I just see this a lot on HN when someone brings up major disorders -- "just work out! just garden! just be happy!" -- and it's troublesome in general, not just you.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#52

Post by oldcynic »

Interesting. No one has yet mentioned today's lack of community.

We don't share a sense of place any more, we move around from job to job, families spread around the country or globe. We rarely share an emotional connection and sense of place with our neighbours that our grandparents would have known. We haven't even kept the sense of virtual community that the BBS's had - social networks amplify dissent and engagement, not friendship and connection.

That's before you get to the amount of divorce and people living alone, with less and less free time or money outside of work.

I'm not the least bit surprised loneliness is becoming a global epidemic.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#53

Post by simion314 »

hestipod wrote: post #21

I am incredibly lonely. Health and financial circumstances pushed me into the worst possible social situation...isolated in rural unconnected America where the only two people I regularly see resent me and it has had a severely negative effect on my already miserable health over the years. Being middle aged it magnifies the issue as it's harder to connect as you age anyway due to life's progression. I saw huge number…

Hi, I am in a similar situation, isolated in a village,I have disabilities, maybe we could exchange emails sometimes.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#54

Post by ohf »

vtange wrote: post #45
_m8fo wrote: post #9

Loneliness might be the logical conclusion to a society going more and more towards metrics. Likes, dislikes, upvotes, downvotes. Dissenters are punished, perfection is idolized. Research is pretty conclusive that to have tight friendships you need vulnerability to some degree, yet if people want perfection that implies invulnerability . If you accept these premises to be true, then it seems loneliness is inevitable.…

>I also think income inequality might lead to more loneliness. I'd say poverty just amplifies the feeling of loneliness. Japan has the same problem of loneliness [0] and they have a pretty good Gini coefficient compared to the rest of the OECD.[1] [0] https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/30/world/asia/japan-lonely-d... [1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_income_eq...

A thought: good standards of living and equality may result in loneliness through everyone's relative comfort and needlessness of help. Companionship is achieved through mutual struggle.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#55

Post by shaki-dora »

DrFell wrote: post #27

The media also tells people everything now. The truth is the accepted group opinion. Viral life truths. You must be in a relationship to be happy. Also, this is conjecture, I think loneliness and despondent anxiety about not being in a relationship feel so similar, people mix them up.

Yes, it’s a vast conspiracy.

Started by that mainstream bard, Shakespeare.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#56

Post by alexashka »

One is that societies throughout the world have embraced a culture of individualism. More people are living alone, and aging alone, than ever. Neoliberal social policies have turned workers into precarious free agents, and when jobs disappear, things fall apart fast. Labor unions, civic associations, neighborhood organizations, religious groups and other traditional sources of social solidarity are in steady decline. Increasingly, we all feel that we’re on our own.

I think this is on point.

When people don't feel safe to be themselves at work, the place where they spend most of their waking hours - it can really dampen your mood.

In the past, workers were treated poorly, but there was a sense of camaraderie, it was 'us vs the man', a sense of belonging, even if it was in mutual misery. Nowadays, it's worker vs worker for the ever-shrinking number of positions.

That's the crux of it I feel - when you're playing a zero sum game [0] with the people you're meant to build emotional connections with, it is very hard to feel good about it.

[0] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zero-sum_game

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#57

Post by colmvp »

I think loneliness is especially bad for men as we are prone to hide our mental health and true feelings/emotions, not seek medical attention when we need it, and generally have less intimate discussions with friends as compared to women. So a lot of men end up suffering loneliness for a long period of time without any emotional support.

It feels like one of those things which creeps on you, and before you know it, you aren't attending social events, you don't have much energy or confidence, your perception of others becomes skewed, and it all seems pretty helpless.

Regardless of whether its church or a weekly Meetup.com event or a Recreational Sports League, there is an immense benefit to going somewhere where one finds fulfillment while incrementally getting to know a community. Just by showing up and not being a dick, strangers become friends, and often times even more. It's something I always recommend to people in their 30s who are finding it hard to make friends after college. My friend doesn't believe in the Buddhist religion but has attended the same temple for many years, and it's been incredibly helpful for him in terms of making strong social connections.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#58

Post by ConstantineNash »

I'm very introverted. That, and a couple of health issues, resulted in me being alone during the past few years. I know it's not normal/healthy, but as weird as it sounds, I don't feel unhappy. I enjoy being alone most of the time, and during the rare moments when feel a bit lonely, standup comedy and TV sitcoms make that feeling go away.

I spend my time writing, learning to code, working on my startup, listening to audiobooks, practicing digital art. Most of the time I'm having fun and enjoying myself (when health doesn't get in a way), though having a couple of buddies would probably make my life better.

The fact that I live in russia doesn't help finding friends, I feel like all the people I'd like to talk to live in the US/UK/Canada, not here. I understand that rationally this can't be true, but I really have no idea where to search for people I'd have a lot in common with. I like people on hacker news and reddit, I like people who's blogs and books I read, I like people who's youtube channels I watch, but I've never met anyone like that in "real life".

I could put myself out there and go to meetups or courses until I find someone I like, but the combination of introversion and the fact that my life is kinda nice as it is, makes it feel like it's not worth the effort. Also I really hope that I'll find a way to move elsewhere, so it's not like I'll build lasting relationships here.

Maybe one day I'll move to NYC and end up getting my social life on point, but meanwhile, my projects and the internet keep me pretty happy and satisfied.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#59

Post by hliyan »

oldcynic wrote: post #52

Interesting. No one has yet mentioned today's lack of community. We don't share a sense of place any more, we move around from job to job, families spread around the country or globe. We rarely share an emotional connection and sense of place with our neighbours that our grandparents would have known. We haven't even kept the sense of virtual community that the BBS's had - social networks amplify dissent and engageme…

Agreed. Perhaps this is not exactly what you meant, but I do feel that shared spaces are shrinking and private spaces are expanding. I found this particular quote from The Atlantic quite telling:

"The United States is in some ways becoming a medieval society, in which people live and work in the modern equivalent of castles--gated communities, apartment buildings with doormen, and office buildings with guards--and try to shield themselves while traveling between them. They do this by riding in sport-utility vehicles, which look armored, and by trying to appear as intimidating as possible to potential attackers." - Keith Bradsher

https://www.theatlantic.com/science/archive/2017/11/suvs-and...

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#60

Post by doughj3 »

hestipod wrote: post #21

I am incredibly lonely. Health and financial circumstances pushed me into the worst possible social situation...isolated in rural unconnected America where the only two people I regularly see resent me and it has had a severely negative effect on my already miserable health over the years. Being middle aged it magnifies the issue as it's harder to connect as you age anyway due to life's progression. I saw huge number…

> A "remote social life" is not even close to the same thing and chats online or the phone with "disposable friends" and strangers who have a clear and easy disconnect from your real life don't fill the hole a lack of enduring, present human contact leaves and usually take precious energy with no real benefit.

Maybe this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Anecdotally, I and others I know have formed deep, meaningful relationships with people online. I think the hardest part of that is finding small communities - i.e, it's hard to make meaningful connections in a sub-reddit filled with 100,000 people, but in niche forums and chatrooms, with userbases in the dozens, I think it's much more feasible.

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