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Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

nytimes.com

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Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#121

Post by davesque »

Pigo wrote: post #116
rb808 wrote: post #101

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I saw mentioned here that men are quick to give up friends, with work & family & wife's social calendar there really isn't much time for anything else. I need to make an effort to make friends cause really all I ever see is work colleagues and other parents of our children's friends.

I had a family for almost ten years, and then suddenly I only had part of my family once in awhile. It's especially hard to get back into that mode when it's not where you planned to be or even wanted to be.

I hear this man. After my mother passed away three years ago, it was like the entire family disappeared somehow. Never imagined how things would change.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#122

Post by legulere »

drdeadringer wrote: post #70
colmvp wrote: post #57

I think loneliness is especially bad for men as we are prone to hide our mental health and true feelings/emotions, not seek medical attention when we need it, and generally have less intimate discussions with friends as compared to women. So a lot of men end up suffering loneliness for a long period of time without any emotional support. It feels like one of those things which creeps on you, and before you know it, y…

> It feels like one of those things which creeps on you, and before you know it, you aren't attending social events, you don't have much energy or confidence, your perception of others becomes skewed, and it all seems pretty helpless. "How did you get lonely?" "Gradually, then suddenly." ... I wonder if there aren't many aspects of life like this.

I checked this out as I heard the phrase before. "Gradually, then suddenly" seems to be originally a quote from Hemmingway in The Sun Also Rises about bankrupcy:

“How did you go bankrupt?" - "Two ways. Gradually, then suddenly.”

It is quoted then in the context of depression in the movie Prozac Nation:

"Gradually, then suddenly." That's how depression hits. You wake up one morning, afraid that you're gonna live.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#123

Post by Townsendesque »

castlecrasher2 wrote: post #85
hestipod wrote: post #50

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know you mean well, and I am not trying to argue for sport or be difficult, but it's not as simple as you imagine. I have health issues that prevent me from spending time down in the dirt gardening and I don't find it appealing at all. Photography requires infrastructure and equipment. Walking is a big problem for me because of the surgeries and fallout. I really wish people would not do the "you have to work at it…

This is going to sound stupid, but if you can't do hobbies you previously enjoyed are you just never going to find new hobbies? If you have no in-person interaction that you know you need, are you just never going to go find it? Where do other people get it in your area? Church, probably, since you're rural. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you aren't interested in religion, absolutely hate where you're a…

Ugh, the "go to church" suggestion.

Yes, I get that a lot too, and it makes me more depressed. If you're someone who's in the process of extricating themselves from a religious upbringing, this isn't a fun thing to deal with in addition to "regular" mental health issues.

What is helping me is:

* removing toxic parts of my life as much as I can.

* proper diagnosis and medication (the revelation of a late ADHD-Inattentive diagnosis is life-changing)

* meditation (Kabat-Zinn style mindfulness, warning that in my experience not being treated or missing your meds for anxiety/depression may make this a frustration engine)

* forgiving myself for not being more proactive (the hardest one)

* focusing on getting my son out to play with other kids (helps meet people with the same time-schedules)

What doesn't help me:

* Not taking my meds.

* Making extravagant plans. (Big things are more intimidating and generate avoidance).

* Cursing the past. (Mistakes were made)

* Going to church. (Attending a ritual gathering as a nonbeliever can be an incredibly isolating experience.)

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#124

Post by inceptionnames »

davesque wrote: post #121
Pigo wrote: post #116

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I had a family for almost ten years, and then suddenly I only had part of my family once in awhile. It's especially hard to get back into that mode when it's not where you planned to be or even wanted to be.

I hear this man. After my mother passed away three years ago, it was like the entire family disappeared somehow. Never imagined how things would change.

Mothers really keep the family together, even in their old age.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#125

Post by sigstoat »

atomical wrote: post #106
doughj3 wrote: post #99

Earlier quoted context omitted.

The church may be looking for those things; the churchgoers, however, not so much.

Q: Would you like to become a member? A: No thank you. I'm an atheist who is just here for the social interaction and community. How does this end well?

life pro-tip: don't add superfluous details to answers that serve no purpose but to upset the questioner.

A: No, thanks.

will go over a lot better.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#126

Post by justaguyhere »

The biggest rub is this - people say we don't put enough effort into initiating/maintaining friendships, I've tried that. Maybe 1 in 10 appreciate the effort, most people just don't care. I guess it is a numbers game.

I don't see any short or long term solution for this. It is only going to get worse, with people spending more and more time to make less and less money and constantly under stress. We should stop worshipping work (especially in the U.S) as if that is the most important thing in life. Any time I see people boasting about the number of hours they put in, it annoys me to no end.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#127

Post by shrimp_emoji »

ConstantineNash wrote: post #58

I'm very introverted. That, and a couple of health issues, resulted in me being alone during the past few years. I know it's not normal/healthy, but as weird as it sounds, I don't feel unhappy. I enjoy being alone most of the time, and during the rare moments when feel a bit lonely, standup comedy and TV sitcoms make that feeling go away. I spend my time writing, learning to code, working on my startup, listening to…

>during the rare moments when feel a bit lonely, standup comedy and TV sitcoms make that feeling go away.

As someone from the US/UK/Canada, I hear you! These guys are my emotional support animals. https://youtu.be/lHmMv9eMOZo

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#128

Post by davesque »

heydonovan wrote: post #86

As someone that struggles with this, I've noticed a sort of pattern for those who suffer from loneliness as well. Just some observations from a few of my friends that would identify with loneliness too: 1. We either work from home, or work the night shift. Even working the second shift has had such a detrimental effect in terms of no longer going out for happy hours, never having conversations in passing, and never g…

I wonder about the exercise thing. For the past few years, I've exercised fairly frequently. And, yet, I still struggle with feelings of loneliness and depression. I think exercise helps a little but maybe less than people like to imagine. As you imply with your other points, you probably have to address loneliness on multiple fronts in order to have a lasting impact on it.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#129

Post by NutriSugar »

hestipod wrote: post #62
doughj3 wrote: post #60

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> A "remote social life" is not even close to the same thing and chats online or the phone with "disposable friends" and strangers who have a clear and easy disconnect from your real life don't fill the hole a lack of enduring, present human contact leaves and usually take precious energy with no real benefit. Maybe this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Anecdotally, I and others I know have formed deep, meaningful rela…

I've been in this situation to worsening degrees for 15 years...It really upsets me to hear people say I am causing it (self fulfilling) or not doing it right. I am glad you were able to make connections online...it's not something that replaces that need in me. I need real life face to face interaction. It is also farther down the list than my immediate problems and having a new friend is not going to fix my life or…

>Sorry if I sound rude...I don't intend it. It's just so hard to hear the same "just get a hobby" or "just make friends online" or "you must just be doing it wrong since it works for me" stuff repeatedly. If it were something that worked for me I'd be doing it because this life is pure misery for me from most all angles.

I have found it enlightening to try to view fiscal and relational matters with the lens of the other. Imagine if I made a post telling a poor individual that they should "just go learn some job skills", "learn to code", or "they must be doing it wrong because I've found it easy to get a decent job". Such a post would be viewed as profane. Being a libertarian on fiscal matters gets me labeled as heartless, yet I find libertarian is the best approximate description of the system everyone operates on with regards to relational matters. I've heard many people describe the libertarian approach to helping others as "I've got mine, F you", which is the way I feel treated as a 'socially poor' person. To even bring up the topic of relationship resources/needs being unequal has gotten me some very negative labels in other online communities.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#130

Post by NiklasMort »

oldcynic wrote: post #52

Interesting. No one has yet mentioned today's lack of community. We don't share a sense of place any more, we move around from job to job, families spread around the country or globe. We rarely share an emotional connection and sense of place with our neighbours that our grandparents would have known. We haven't even kept the sense of virtual community that the BBS's had - social networks amplify dissent and engageme…

this!
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