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Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

nytimes.com

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Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#61

Post by hinkley »

DoofusOfDeath wrote: post #41

I've heard an assertion that people on the Asperberg's-ish end of the autism spectrum are over-represented amongst software developers. If that's true, I wonder it's a contributing factor for some software developers having trouble making friends once they're out of school, especially once they have kids.

There’s something else called HSP which gets misdiagnosed as spectrum. Your senses are particularly intense and they behave badly when overextended. The difference is that in the morning they understand what they did wrong and leads to a cycle of guilt. This turns them into introverts.

This difference also makes it hard to make friends because they expect a lot of insight conversationally and they pick up tells from other people. The joke is that they know how you feel before you do. It’s very offputting.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#62

Post by hestipod »

doughj3 wrote: post #60
hestipod wrote: post #21

I am incredibly lonely. Health and financial circumstances pushed me into the worst possible social situation...isolated in rural unconnected America where the only two people I regularly see resent me and it has had a severely negative effect on my already miserable health over the years. Being middle aged it magnifies the issue as it's harder to connect as you age anyway due to life's progression. I saw huge number…

> A "remote social life" is not even close to the same thing and chats online or the phone with "disposable friends" and strangers who have a clear and easy disconnect from your real life don't fill the hole a lack of enduring, present human contact leaves and usually take precious energy with no real benefit. Maybe this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Anecdotally, I and others I know have formed deep, meaningful rela…

I've been in this situation to worsening degrees for 15 years...It really upsets me to hear people say I am causing it (self fulfilling) or not doing it right. I am glad you were able to make connections online...it's not something that replaces that need in me. I need real life face to face interaction. It is also farther down the list than my immediate problems and having a new friend is not going to fix my life or even make it bearable right now...I know for some people solidarity in suffering helps but relationships of any kind drain me with all thats going on and I have to ration my energy. The loss of connections is just another effect of my major issues that piles on and without addressing those the rest can't change.

Sorry if I sound rude...I don't intend it. It's just so hard to hear the same "just get a hobby" or "just make friends online" or "you must just be doing it wrong since it works for me" stuff repeatedly. If it were something that worked for me I'd be doing it because this life is pure misery for me from most all angles.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#63

Post by [deleted] »

oldcynic wrote: post #52

Interesting. No one has yet mentioned today's lack of community. We don't share a sense of place any more, we move around from job to job, families spread around the country or globe. We rarely share an emotional connection and sense of place with our neighbours that our grandparents would have known. We haven't even kept the sense of virtual community that the BBS's had - social networks amplify dissent and engageme…

[deleted]

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#64

Post by notheguyouthink »

doughj3 wrote: post #60
hestipod wrote: post #21

I am incredibly lonely. Health and financial circumstances pushed me into the worst possible social situation...isolated in rural unconnected America where the only two people I regularly see resent me and it has had a severely negative effect on my already miserable health over the years. Being middle aged it magnifies the issue as it's harder to connect as you age anyway due to life's progression. I saw huge number…

> A "remote social life" is not even close to the same thing and chats online or the phone with "disposable friends" and strangers who have a clear and easy disconnect from your real life don't fill the hole a lack of enduring, present human contact leaves and usually take precious energy with no real benefit. Maybe this is a self-fulfilling prophecy. Anecdotally, I and others I know have formed deep, meaningful rela…

I agree, I've been part of very fulfilling online communities. I'd say the only bad thing about them was that for much of the interaction, it required a seat at my computer. There's something to be said for back porch beers, etc.

That, to no surprise, doesn't work for me with love relationships of course. My (now) wife and I had a long distance relationship and it was very, very difficult. Unlike the online communities, it was a struggle more than fulfilling - it left me longing for more, etc.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#65

Post by wccrawford »

ConstantineNash wrote: post #58

I'm very introverted. That, and a couple of health issues, resulted in me being alone during the past few years. I know it's not normal/healthy, but as weird as it sounds, I don't feel unhappy. I enjoy being alone most of the time, and during the rare moments when feel a bit lonely, standup comedy and TV sitcoms make that feeling go away. I spend my time writing, learning to code, working on my startup, listening to…

I felt the same way until I found a couple girlfriends and eventually got married.

I still enjoy being alone, though I do feel vaguely sad that my wife isn't with me during some of that time, especially if it's for days in a row.

But being alone doesn't make me sad in itself.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that not everyone is made the same, and some of us don't really have a problem being by ourselves for extended periods. Others have serious problems with it.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#67

Post by CryoLogic »

billysielu wrote: post #17

If I wanted to be social I wouldn't even know where to start. There's nowhere to go to hang out and meet people. Folks work and then go home and stay in their houses (UK commuter town). The previous generation might have gone to the pub (bar) but those have been turned into restaurants so even that doesn't work anymore. I even start thinking about going online as the best available option to be RL social. horror I th…

If you have a local game store, try picking up a tabletop game or TCG like Magic.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#68

Post by wccrawford »

cpsempek wrote: post #38
_m8fo wrote: post #9

Loneliness might be the logical conclusion to a society going more and more towards metrics. Likes, dislikes, upvotes, downvotes. Dissenters are punished, perfection is idolized. Research is pretty conclusive that to have tight friendships you need vulnerability to some degree, yet if people want perfection that implies invulnerability . If you accept these premises to be true, then it seems loneliness is inevitable.…

Research is pretty conclusive that to have tight friendships you need vulnerability to some degree I have to admit I don't quite understand this sentence, especially how research might define a "tight friendship" and "vulnerability". Can you provide some information about said research? This topic interests me.

I don't think you can have a really, really tight bond with someone if you never give them a chance to hurt you. If you don't share information about yourself that they could use to hurt you, then you haven't actually trusted them, and the bond you feel isn't as strong as it could be.

Re: Is Loneliness a Health Epidemic?

#70

Post by drdeadringer »

colmvp wrote: post #57

I think loneliness is especially bad for men as we are prone to hide our mental health and true feelings/emotions, not seek medical attention when we need it, and generally have less intimate discussions with friends as compared to women. So a lot of men end up suffering loneliness for a long period of time without any emotional support. It feels like one of those things which creeps on you, and before you know it, y…

> It feels like one of those things which creeps on you, and before you know it, you aren't attending social events, you don't have much energy or confidence, your perception of others becomes skewed, and it all seems pretty helpless.

"How did you get lonely?"

"Gradually, then suddenly."

... I wonder if there aren't many aspects of life like this.

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