Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

> I hate to be the asshole here but...

This is a solid clue that you should reflect on whether you're about to violate the guidelines:

> Be civil. Don't say things you wouldn't say in a face-to-face conversation. Avoid gratuitous negativity.

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

the funny thing is this kind of thinking is actually pervasive among engineers, and it doubles your isolation. You tell that story to folks and way more people than you would think actually blame you for the problem, (after all you wouldn't be put on a Performance Improvement plan without some sort of due process right? wrong), makes you even more unsure of yourself, even more anxious, even more depressed, even more isolated, even more likely to just take your own life.

I think we're not that far off but you seem to generalize a bit.

It's not about being weak or relying on your partner to think or act for you.

There's a huge distance between "being dependent, passive, unable to fix my own problems" and "being on the brink of suicide" however. For me a loving partner should be able to detect that you're struggling. If not, either you are extremely good in hiding your problems (and horribly misguided for doing so), or your spouse lacked perception (or care) for you.

I understand. Makes perfect sense.

I think many very pertinent stories and points of view never surface because of the very real threat of retaliation or ostracism - burning bridges, as you say.

I think that people who expose the mistakes, weaknesses, and perhaps even evildoing associated with people and companies are seen in the collective mind as whistleblowers, who appear usually to be regarded - and treated - badly. This is a sad but real tendency of human nature.

The irony is that many whistleblowers do a great public service, and at the very least keep entities honest by exposing their wrongs. If everyone turned aside and pretended not to notice that the emperor had no clothes, we would be in a dark place indeed.

This isn't a criticism, by the way: I suffer from the same misgivings, which war against my instinct and desire to tell the stories of the injustices I've seen firsthand.

I wish I knew the answer.

I also was in a similar situation. Not as bad as the engineer in discussion but, I went through similar situation.

Years ago, I started getting signals that my work was preparing to let me go, like putting me on Performance Enhancement Program, etc etc. The thing is I had not kept up with my skills and so I really couldn't find any work with similar pay I could switch to. I also decided to stay to do better work in order to prove the managers wrong. I wanted to prove the management wrong, that I'm someone worthy of employment. I wanted to prove to them that I am a person, not some disposable tool to be tossed aside. I now know it was a mistake.

The stress at work kept building up in me for weeks. I woke up in middle of nights, and I am someone who sleeps like a brick.

And it hit me. One morning, as I was stuck in a stop-and-go traffic on way to work on freeway, I went over the little section of freeway that allows you a full view of the long lines of cars packing the freeway. This view suddenly caused me panic attack and I began to feel claustrophobic. I felt the urge to take off my socks (and strip off shirt, which I didn't) and open the window (which I did) so that I could relieve the feeling of trapped in the car. I had never felt such sensation before. I believe the issue of claustrophobia went on for about 2 years, as I remember worrying about taking a flight to visit family.

I never never had such issues before.

I think I can understand why the engineer didn't leave for another job. With his experience, he could've have gotten another similar or better job, but I believe he wanted to prove the management wrong. But unfortunately the stress got to him first.