Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

sfchronicle.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

271–280 of 317 posts

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#271

Post by neuromantik8086 »

BinaryIdiot wrote: post #57
defined wrote: post #25

This is not unique to Uber. I have worked in toxic environments that depleted and debilitated me to the point that, in two cases, I was psychologically completely incapable of even thinking about finding work for three months after being laid off from one, and quitting the other. It doesn't even take abusive bosses who don't like you, although that just makes it far worse. It simply takes being treated like a robotic…

Well said. I've worked at 3 start-ups and at all of them I've worked long, grueling hours with the most recent one I was doing at least 65 hours a week (typically longer especially with a 3+ hour commute). I became severely burned out to the point where I didn't want to look for work or do much of anything. I was depressed and had severe anxiety. I went to the hospital with an anxiety attack so strong that I literall…

Perhaps unsurprisingly, I experienced a similar issue with chest pain at my last employer, freaked out and took a day off to visit a hospital. My parents talked me down from thinking it was a heart attack, so I didn't go to the ER but ended up talking with my general practitioner the next morning. He suggested that it might be due to stress-induced inflammation at rib cage joints.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#272

Post by twayamznacct »

BinaryIdiot wrote: post #57
defined wrote: post #25

This is not unique to Uber. I have worked in toxic environments that depleted and debilitated me to the point that, in two cases, I was psychologically completely incapable of even thinking about finding work for three months after being laid off from one, and quitting the other. It doesn't even take abusive bosses who don't like you, although that just makes it far worse. It simply takes being treated like a robotic…

Well said. I've worked at 3 start-ups and at all of them I've worked long, grueling hours with the most recent one I was doing at least 65 hours a week (typically longer especially with a 3+ hour commute). I became severely burned out to the point where I didn't want to look for work or do much of anything. I was depressed and had severe anxiety. I went to the hospital with an anxiety attack so strong that I literall…

I wish it was that simple for me...by all rights I work at a place with good work-life balance (not a startup) and good management that doesn't drive stress into devs, but I feel innately against everything in this industry at this point. 99.99% of everything anyone does, including myself, seems utterly pointless.

I've had anxiety attacks so bad because of this that I haven't been able to get out of bed in the morning. I can't remember the last time I've legitimately felt happy.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#273

Post by BinaryIdiot »

twayamznacct wrote: post #272
BinaryIdiot wrote: post #57

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Well said. I've worked at 3 start-ups and at all of them I've worked long, grueling hours with the most recent one I was doing at least 65 hours a week (typically longer especially with a 3+ hour commute). I became severely burned out to the point where I didn't want to look for work or do much of anything. I was depressed and had severe anxiety. I went to the hospital with an anxiety attack so strong that I literall…

I wish it was that simple for me...by all rights I work at a place with good work-life balance (not a startup) and good management that doesn't drive stress into devs, but I feel innately against everything in this industry at this point. 99.99% of everything anyone does, including myself, seems utterly pointless. I've had anxiety attacks so bad because of this that I haven't been able to get out of bed in the mornin…

I'm sorry to hear that. Have you talked with anyone? Have you explored jumping to a different industry?

Anxiety attacks are awful. I hope you can find something better.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#274

Post by trustfundbaby »

farax91 wrote: post #226
trustfundbaby wrote: post #106

Man, this really hit home. That guy's life could have been mine. I had this almost this same experience 2 years ago (we were at the job for the same length of time even, five months), and it led to a long period of depression for me. I didn't kill myself, but I have to tell you, I could see how someone could. In my circumstance I interviewed as a Senior Engineer, and got offered a Lead engineer position because appar…

I don't think the two situations are comparable. You were a bad engineer in over your heard.

A bad engineer who delivered a difficult project on time with zero support from everyone who was supposed to help me? lol.

Don't believe the hype, just because management says someone is shit, doesn't actually mean that. People have lots of ulterior motives.

Did it occur to you that because my old boss was demoted suddenly and made an engineer (vs manager) that our team head count was now over budget, and they had to get rid of someone?

And to answer your intelligent followup question, No. they didn't even put out a req for that position till a few months ago.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#275

Post by twayamznacct »

Illniyar wrote: post #30

I think we are missing some information here: "All suggested that he leave his job, but he was adamant that he could not. " The question is why? what conditions need to occur where a man who most likely can get another job easily enough and who has switched jobs before decides that ending his life his a better course of action then switching jobs. They wrote that he eventually saw a psychiatrist, was he prescribed SS…

> what conditions need to occur where a man who most likely can get another job easily enough and who has switched jobs before decides that ending his life his a better course of action then switching jobs.

From my perspective (which isn't as bad as considering suicide over changing a job...but still pretty bad in terms of depression), there's a huge mental block in terms of ability to interview, especially given the terrible interview practices across most of the industry (5+ hour algorithm regurgitation sessions).

This would require "studying" algorithms for hours a day to refresh my memory. In my currently depressed state there's not a chance that I could bring myself to do that once I'm off work for the day...nor could I possibly imagine even participating in the interview process itself right now even if I felt confident in my ability to vomit back algorithms to the interviews.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#276

Post by twayamznacct »

BinaryIdiot wrote: post #273
twayamznacct wrote: post #272

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I wish it was that simple for me...by all rights I work at a place with good work-life balance (not a startup) and good management that doesn't drive stress into devs, but I feel innately against everything in this industry at this point. 99.99% of everything anyone does, including myself, seems utterly pointless. I've had anxiety attacks so bad because of this that I haven't been able to get out of bed in the mornin…

I'm sorry to hear that. Have you talked with anyone? Have you explored jumping to a different industry? Anxiety attacks are awful. I hope you can find something better.

I haven't talked with anyone, unfortunately. And I have thought about moving to a different industry but I don't even know where to start with that. Despite my total, and growing dislike, for this industry, it remains the sole thing I identify with (which is also a problem).

I do recognize that the first step is talking with someone but...it's a tough first step.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#277

Post by jjm »

ryandrake wrote: post #246
thesmallestcat wrote: post #233

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Tell that to somebody who has a family, or is paying child support/alimony. I'm sure their ex will sympathize that it's not about your wallet, but your mind.

Thank you, just quitting and crossing your fingers hoping you'll maybe get a new job at some point in the next 1-100 months is not an option for anyone with actual responsibilities.

So that is what you'd say... to this guy the day before he did what he did? uh...

What responsibility is he addressing now? What money is he bringing in now?

Exactly. Nothing.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#278

Post by jjm »

thesmallestcat wrote: post #233
jjm wrote: post #221

All, Hear me out. The first thing you need to overcome is not your wallet, or your options, timing or any other thing. It is -- your mind. If you experience this level of pressure, quit. And then start looking. Do not be influenced that your boss is the boss of your life or your career for that matter. If you've got a family to take care of, quickly join a consulting firm. Worst case you'll have to travel some, but i…

Tell that to somebody who has a family, or is paying child support/alimony. I'm sure their ex will sympathize that it's not about your wallet, but your mind.

What does this guy's family think now that he's gone? His child?

I'm sure your worth is more than just Alimony.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#279

Post by dang »

skypanther wrote: post #187
dang wrote: post #128

Earlier quoted context omitted.

It's sample bias. People who experienced dramatic things are far more likely to comment about them. The community is large enough that even a relatively tiny sample produces many comments under this effect.

Well, there's the stigma of talking about anything related to mental illness or depression. Personally, I've never shared any of my struggles with inner demons with anyone other than my wife (and now here).

Yes, but that's a separate issue from the work environments that I think the GP was wondering about.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#280

Post by throwaway8800 »

pm90 wrote: post #264
throwaway8800 wrote: post #247

Earlier quoted context omitted.

> If you see a toxic culture, leave. This is easier said than done when your own self-worth and ability to see your own value is diminished due to stress, when you have a mortgage and financial obligations and a family to take care of. Not many people are financially independent enough to just quit a job the moment they feel it's become "toxic".

> This is easier said than done when your own self-worth and ability to see your own value is diminished due to stress, when you have a mortgage and financial obligations and a family to take care of. Not many people are financially independent enough to just quit a job the moment they feel it's become "toxic". Well, I never said it was easy. To elaborate more, it is incredibly important to have contingency plans in…

I also have a years' worth of living expenses saved, and it also took me about 3 years to build. It has zero impact on my stress level at work. I don't think I feel any more free to leave than if I only had a months worth saved. The idea of leaving and potentially burning through most or all of that portion of my family's savings while I look for another job is no more appealing or satisfying than just staying in the stressful job.

Perhaps I'd feel differently if I had several more years saved or if I were more stressed at work. The thing about work stress that builds up is that your mental health declines and you can begin to think very irrationally. Paranoia and depression can set in. I've seen devastating examples of this with people I know. I think it's important not to minimize it or brush it off and to understand that what seems obvious to you or I may not be obvious at all to someone who is feeling burnt out, desperate and depressed from their work situation.

Post reply on HN