Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

sfchronicle.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

181–190 of 317 posts

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#181

Post by aedron »

throwaway8800 wrote: post #65
jjjensen90 wrote: post #23

This was so difficult for me to read. I have struggled with extreme anxiety and chronic depression and brushed up against the thought of there being no way forward or out but suicide. During the closest calls, I was making the most I ever had, living in a nice house, etc. It didn't really matter though. I felt a tightness in my chest and a boiling kettle of acid in my stomach from the second I woke up until the secon…

> I had a Pavlovian response to the sound of email arriving on my phone, to the point where it would be in my nightmares. I went through a rough period last summer where a project I was involved in was a complete disaster. I basically spent 24x7 terrified that a new "emergency" was going to roll in on my phone via email with a stakeholder telling me how this new issue was ruining their life and how disappointed they…

I also use my phone like this. It's in my jacket pocket or shoulder bag, and I check it in the evening (sometimes).

I do still have a sound for incoming phone call, but thinking about it now, I am going to consider disabling that too. There aren't a lot of things these days that can't be communicated by a text message, if only to say "hey can we have a chat about ". I hate that phone call sound and the stress of running to get the phone, anxiety about possibly having to deal with some shit, etc.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#183

Post by Zelmor »

twobyfour wrote: post #165
Zelmor wrote: post #138

What I have found out over the years is that having roughly 4-6 months worth of living expenses in the bank (unblocked and accessible within 24 hours) alleviates stress. Figure out how many months worth of savings makes you feel comfortable, and have an 'oh shit' budget figured out for times of willing/unwilling unemployment. For example, I can cut my spendings by 40% in case of unemployment simply by cutting luxury…

It's easy to forget that depression isn't rational. A depressed person may worry that they're unhirable and won't be able to find a job in those 4-6 months. They may expect that any job they do find will be as bad as the current one, or worse. If they're on a visa, they may worry about deportation and having to upend their lives if they leave their current job. They may worry that a gap on their resume will affect th…

I agree, good point. In such case, visit your nearest meditation center and start breathing. Things will be alright.

I speak from experience.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#184

Post by golergka »

gk1 wrote: post #157
golergka wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why do we, in general, accept any personal decision that does not interfere with other people, but refuse to accept the ultimate decision a person can make in regards to his live? I'm not suicidal at the moment and feel that my life has some purpose - but why would I assume that a person who is suicidal knows less about his own life than I do?

The decision to commit suicide is rarely made in a rational state of mind. Unlike most decisions, however, this one is permanent.

Almost all of our decisions are, really, permanent - and most of the time, we're not making them rationally. Break up with your significant other - then, even if you decide to "reverse" it and get back together, it won't be the same relationship anymore. Quit from your job - most likely, you won't work for the same company ever again.

Yes, these are only parts of life, and suicide ends life as a whole - but you have reasons why you're not stopping all of your friends from making all the small wrong decisions, right? You probably reason that they might know better, and if anything, their freedom includes the right to make mistakes.

Well, the same reasoning logically works for suicide, too - the magnitude of the components change, but the formula is still the same. I agree that it's a good idea to talk to someone who tries to commit suicide and make sure that they really want to make this decision and have thought about it - but our culture, meanwhile, painfully rejects the notion that in the end, you may agree with that person in their pursuit of suicide.

On another hand, you probably (statistically, given HN typical audience) support right to euthanasia; you think that if someone have immense physical suffering and no hope to escape from it, death is a viable alternative. But why do we reject the same treatment for emotional and intellectual suffering? You can't really feel both types, but for some reason, you suppose that one is more 'real' than another. That any emotional trouble can be healed, because "it's just in your head".

Respect for someone's freedom begins with respect for his decisions and respect for his mistakes. Too often the true reason for all this unasked for "help" is in selfish desire to "do good" instead of real empathy for another human being.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#185

Post by secstate »

sotojuan wrote: post #175
nul_byte wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is why I am highly sceptical of start ups, and it would take a helluva a lot for someone to convince me to join another. I prefer big corps, as its possible to control you work load a little more and transfer internally if you get a bad boss.

I work at a startup and leave after eight hours. They're not all bad.

Same here. The other day my supervisor caught me working late and told me to leave ;)

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#186

Post by shkkmo »

gk1 wrote: post #157
golergka wrote: post #154

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Why do we, in general, accept any personal decision that does not interfere with other people, but refuse to accept the ultimate decision a person can make in regards to his live? I'm not suicidal at the moment and feel that my life has some purpose - but why would I assume that a person who is suicidal knows less about his own life than I do?

The decision to commit suicide is rarely made in a rational state of mind. Unlike most decisions, however, this one is permanent.

This is true for suicide due to depression or other mental health issues.

However, deciding to commit suicide due to intractable terminal illness is often done in a very rational state of mind.

The big difference is that the later is a decision that is/should not be made alone, but with the assistance of your family, friends and or doctor.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#187

Post by skypanther »

dang wrote: post #128
skrebbel wrote: post #87

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I keep reading stories like these on HN, yet I don't know a single person who has experienced anything even remotely close to this. I don't live in the Bay Area. Are SV startups, in general, really this badly managed? If I add up all anecdata from reading HN comments about toxic work environments, I get the impression that 50% of the Valley is run like this. I have a hard time comprehending how this can happen.

It's sample bias. People who experienced dramatic things are far more likely to comment about them. The community is large enough that even a relatively tiny sample produces many comments under this effect.

Well, there's the stigma of talking about anything related to mental illness or depression. Personally, I've never shared any of my struggles with inner demons with anyone other than my wife (and now here).

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#188

Post by knob »

jjjensen90 wrote: post #23

This was so difficult for me to read. I have struggled with extreme anxiety and chronic depression and brushed up against the thought of there being no way forward or out but suicide. During the closest calls, I was making the most I ever had, living in a nice house, etc. It didn't really matter though. I felt a tightness in my chest and a boiling kettle of acid in my stomach from the second I woke up until the secon…

> I had a Pavlovian response to the sound of email arriving on my phone,

I hope somebody finds this useful: I setup a 1 second "silent" mp3 as the notification sound for emails, messages, etc. If the phone actually rings, I pick it up. Yet the email notifications (got seven email accounts on the phone), the text messages, Telegram, Whatsapp... they are just silent now.

Hope this helps someone!

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#189

Post by brbrodude »

Countries outside America have labor laws to prevent that kind of shit. You gave away yours.

Edit: I`ve been through two burnouts while working remotely. Gave it up for good, happily working in my city and have freedom, dignity and respect now. It is a human need.

Edit2: F*ck Uber.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#190

Post by coldpie »

throwaway8800 wrote: post #65
jjjensen90 wrote: post #23

This was so difficult for me to read. I have struggled with extreme anxiety and chronic depression and brushed up against the thought of there being no way forward or out but suicide. During the closest calls, I was making the most I ever had, living in a nice house, etc. It didn't really matter though. I felt a tightness in my chest and a boiling kettle of acid in my stomach from the second I woke up until the secon…

> I had a Pavlovian response to the sound of email arriving on my phone, to the point where it would be in my nightmares. I went through a rough period last summer where a project I was involved in was a complete disaster. I basically spent 24x7 terrified that a new "emergency" was going to roll in on my phone via email with a stakeholder telling me how this new issue was ruining their life and how disappointed they…

I just don't put work email on my personal devices. If I'm not at the office, I'm not working. Done. Otherwise you can pay me to be on-call, and that's a whole other discussion.
Post reply on HN