Hacker News Board Hacker News, browsed like a classic message board
Live data from Hacker News

Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

sfchronicle.com

Post reply on HN
Print view View original

111–120 of 317 posts

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#111

Post by [deleted] »

code_duck wrote: post #67
stephengillie wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you want to end things, walk away from your life and career. Stand up from your desk, put one foot in front of the other, and proceed in this way until you tire.

It seems people are confused by this comment. My interpretation is that you mean what I've heard phrased as 'kill the person you are'. Meaning, if it's your life situations and identity that are causing you such distress, why not just walk away? This could mean switching careers, getting divorced, cutting ties with friends, moving far away, or a combination thereof. After all, suicide would end all of those things to…

[deleted]

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#112

Post by stephengillie »

pyromine wrote: post #15
stephengillie wrote: post #12

Earlier quoted context omitted.

If you want to end things, walk away from your life and career. Stand up from your desk, put one foot in front of the other, and proceed in this way until you tire.

Uhhh, that was solid advice until the last sentence.

You're right, we should seek to avoid the death of self at any cost.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#113

Post by DanBC »

stephengillie wrote: post #107
davesque wrote: post #20

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Not sure what you're getting at there.

That people can abandon their life instead of committing suicide. But it does not matter, the message was downvoted for lack of clarity, and is too general to be useful.

I downvoted the message because it's wrong, not because it's unclear.

Your comment shows a lack of understanding of suicidal thinking across a population.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#114

Post by DanBC »

handsomechad wrote: post #42
pscsbs wrote: post #17

Earlier quoted context omitted.

First of all, this is not ridiculous (i.e. deserving or inviting derision or mockery). Many of us are under immense pressure to provide for our families in HCOL environments, and love our families more than ourselves. From personal experience, I can say this pressure can make you feel like you have no out -- you must take care of the ones you love or else face them living an extremely hard life. This can easily drive…

I mean that the outrage at Uber for this is what is ridiculous. Maybe not the story, or even the lawsuit (I understand the family seeking compensation for something like this), but the vitriol directed in Uber's direction for this seems more to do with their place as the current evil tech boogeyman more than anything else. It was his decision to live in a HCOL area, from what I read his family was encouraging him to…

> but the vitriol directed in Uber's direction for this seems more to do with their place as the current evil tech boogeyman more than anything else.

Other companies have had similar levels of scrutiny after people died by suicide.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#115

Post by gvdp »

65543543 wrote: post #14

My heart goes out to the whole family. A while ago, a long long friend of mine suddenly messaged me out of the blue reminiscing on old times and stuff. I could sense something was amiss. I planned an impromptu trip to see him. I didn't bring anything up...we just chatted about the good old times, cracked a few inside jokes etc. He was visibly much better when I started back after a few days. We promised to be in touc…

Kudos. I wish I had done the same. Years ago an old friend got in touch and we started taking about going to see the Corvette museum together. For various reasons I couldn't do the trip any time soon. Not long after he killed himself. I don't know if going on that trip would've changed anything, but I'm forever left with the doubt. I can't say I will never again, but I don't want to ever let down friends or family again.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#116

Post by pyromine »

stephengillie wrote: post #112
pyromine wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Uhhh, that was solid advice until the last sentence.

You're right, we should seek to avoid the death of self at any cost.

So thinking about your advice a bit more, it's actually pretty good. I've been in a pretty weird situation where I'm realizing [traditionally well paying and considered successful career] is not the route I currently want to go in my life and want to spend a few years chasing a dream of competing in the top levels of a sport I love.

I'm kind of suicide those original career goals at the moment, but want to make sure I gave life somewhat of the biggest attempt I could.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#117

Post by pyromine »

stephengillie wrote: post #112
pyromine wrote: post #15

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Uhhh, that was solid advice until the last sentence.

You're right, we should seek to avoid the death of self at any cost.

So thinking about your advice a bit more, it's actually pretty good. I've been in a pretty weird situation where I'm realizing [traditionally well paying and considered successful career] is not the route I currently want to go in my life and want to spend a few years chasing a dream of competing in the top levels of a sport I love.

I'm kind of suicide those original career goals at the moment, but want to make sure I gave life somewhat of the biggest attempt I could.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#118

Post by DanBC »

tribby wrote: post #99

tragic loss. I wonder what would happen if companies with high-stress environments employed on-site counselors. even if employees have outside help already, as mr. thomas did, it's very difficult -- for so many reasons -- to approach HR or consider a medical leave due to stress or mental illness. maybe creating a less daunting first step could help. in general, getting employers more proactively involved in asking ho…

In the UK occupational health schemes have limited success, especially in companies that have stigmatising views of mental health.

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#119

Post by fstuff »

boomzilla wrote: post #37
elvinyung wrote: post #13

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I know this doesn't completely address your comment, but the article mentions a Facebook message made by him: > “The sad thing is this place (Uber) has broken me to the point where I don’t have the strength to look for another job,” Thomas wrote.

Be frugal. Don't buy a house unless you have at least 6 months of payments in the bank. Don't buy a car if you need to take a loan. Save as much you can. Build and maintain a strong network outside work (family/friends/professional contacts). Every time I got into a difficult situation at work, I take a deep breath and tell myself: "Don't worry, give it your best shot to resolve this. And if that's not good enough, y…

He lived in Pittsburgh about 35-40 miles outside San Francisco. Maybe a hour drive with no traffic 2 with, or a 1.5 hour Bart train ride and I think there's a transfer now so it maybe longer. Anyway he didn't go out and buy a mansion the bay area is so expensive even with his pay he lived far from the city where house prices are only crazy...not insane

Re: Suicide of an Uber engineer: Widow blames job stress

#120

Post by schneid3306 »

defined wrote: post #101
schneid3306 wrote: post #74

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Getting a job "easily enough" is still a big risk to take when you own a home and have a wife and two kids. I was in a job that deteriorated to the point that it was making me so miserable I would get physically ill around 3-4pm on Sundays due to having to go to work on Monday. It took me about 5-7 months to get to the point where I quit. It is not an easy step to take. I was 24-25, enrolled in a Master's program (ea…

> It is hard to describe to someone who never experienced a job that is overwhelmingly and exclusively awful how much of an impact it makes on you. And I am not talking about a job that you don't like or don't enjoy. I mean a job that has zero redeeming qualities and a culture that is incredibly toxic. You feel like a failure at work. You are miserable. And you see an out (quitting) but if you quit (without a job) th…

I am early enough in my career that I would feel utterly uncomfortable doing that. My blog is under my real name. It would be so easy to look at my resume and go oh. That company. Woof. I don't really want my public feelings of that experience tied to me like that. This isn't a startup. This is a non-tech business that has been around for decades. Don't burn bridges and all that.

I will add this tidbit... you would literally have to pay me "f--k you" levels of money for a middling developer to even think of going back to that company. My professor had the ability to get my a coding job at a completely different location (physical and business-side) inside that same company (I was in Procurement previously) for about 150k (almost 3x what I was making). $150k in a rust belt city is a lot of money. Due to my work history there I would have been immediately vested and they had a 6% 100% match on a 401k. My commute would have been 10 minutes. I literally laughed at him. The amount of money that could get me back in those doors is way out of the reach of a 9-5 systems programmer. The first dollar figure where I would have to pause would be in the $1 mil a year range. And I honestly don't know if I would have said yes even to that.

Post reply on HN