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All the lonely people

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Re: All the lonely people

#191

Post by tunap »

chrisseaton wrote: post #166
careersuicide wrote: post #161

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I was actually just about to post this, almost word for word, before I read your reply. I often see lamentations about people not being friendly to strangers in big cities. I've never quite understood it. It's one thing to not greet or acknowledge a person if you're already having some sort of interaction with them, i.e. holding the door for someone as you leave a store. Of course you should say something or at least…

This is my problem with strangers saying hello out of the blue - they think I should stop everything and give them my attention. And in their head they think they're doing something selfless!

Yep. A nod will suffice for greetings in almost all public spaces. When I recognize the tell-tale signs I've been 'marked', I am always prepared to respond with the unusually effective "negative" response and leave it at that.

Re: All the lonely people

#192

Post by tunap »

tbrake wrote: post #159
cstross wrote: post #140

Earlier quoted context omitted.

This is a highly culturally dependent practice; here in the UK, saying "hello" to strangers is weird/creepy/intrusive and suggests you want something from them. (Also: the American practice of baring your teeth when smiling is often received as aggression.) It doesn't mean they're not nice people: just that by starting an interaction trivially you've invaded their comfort zone.

> (Also: the American practice of baring your teeth when smiling is often received as aggression.) This is patently ridiculous.

American here, I have always found it disingenuous and a little creepy when people smile while baring all of their teeth. There is a difference from showing some when extremely happy and the practiced facade people selling something have learned to do unconsciously, notably when lower lip curls down for more dental exposure.

Re: All the lonely people

#193

Post by kome »

mercer wrote: post #139
roansh wrote: post #59

As far as I understand - according to the article, loneliness in itself is not a bad thing for the health but what it brings with itself - the possibility of depression, possible risk of suicide, inactivity hence possibility of obesity and diabetes. I wonder how it affects the people who genuinely prefer being alone, and like it!

I think loneliness by definition includes the negative effects. What you're talking about is 'solitude'. >I wonder how it affects the people who genuinely prefer being alone, and like it! I'm one of those people who loves being alone, and I often ask myself the same question. From my experience so far, the risks you mention are lower overall, but they're still there. I t is often interaction with others that prompts…

What if "solitude" is just a social and personal acceptable way to talk about "loneliness"?

I was thinking about those people who call themselves "expats" and not "immigrants".

In other way: the rich is "solo", the poor is "lonely".

Re: All the lonely people

#194

Post by ThrustVectoring »

hueving wrote: post #78
ThrustVectoring wrote: post #76

Earlier quoted context omitted.

That's a large part of why I'm into social dancing.

Is there such a thing as anti-social dancing?

"Social" refers to the fact that it's more about experiencing a dance, rather than performing to an audience. Lindy hop, swing, blues, contra, and contact improv would all count here. Ballet, breakdancing, mime, and tap would not.

Re: All the lonely people

#195

Post by sseagull »

tripzilch wrote: post #188
sseagull wrote: post #22

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I get that feeling as well, sometimes. Even though I don't want quite your level of isolation, I don't mind working alone or not talking to anyone else in person for days (except my wife). I sometimes think of it as the 'tyranny of the extroverts'. Since they are, well, extroverted, they are the ones controlling the narrative of what's 'normal', while the introverts are too introverted to really speak up. Extroverts…

> I don't mind working alone or not talking to anyone else in person for days (except my wife) IMO, there's a huge difference about loneliness between not talking to zero people or only talking to one, in particular if that one person is important in your life such as your wife, as opposed to having had a short chat with the cleaning lady in the hall a week ago. I appreciate that kstenerud was talking about the zero…

I agree. There's certainly a continuum for the desire to be around others. kstenerud is very much at the extreme. But he's not the only one, and there's nothing at all wrong with that.

Re: All the lonely people

#196

Post by sseagull »

kome wrote: post #193
mercer wrote: post #139

Earlier quoted context omitted.

I think loneliness by definition includes the negative effects. What you're talking about is 'solitude'. >I wonder how it affects the people who genuinely prefer being alone, and like it! I'm one of those people who loves being alone, and I often ask myself the same question. From my experience so far, the risks you mention are lower overall, but they're still there. I t is often interaction with others that prompts…

What if "solitude" is just a social and personal acceptable way to talk about "loneliness"? I was thinking about those people who call themselves "expats" and not "immigrants". In other way: the rich is "solo", the poor is "lonely".

I'd say it's a difference in desire, although I'm sure there's some amount of denial out there ("I'm not lonely, I'm just solitary")

If you want human interaction but don't get it, that's loneliness. If you truly don't want it to begin with, that's solitude.

If you don't want human interaction but get it anyway, that's hell (to an introvert, anyway).

Re: All the lonely people

#197

Post by Noos »

PhasmaFelis wrote: post #93
colanderman wrote: post #40

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Universal Unitarianism is pretty close to this. It is non-creedal (you don't have to believe in anything) and very community-oriented.

That's Unitarian Universalism, for the benefit of anyone trying to Google it. :) But yeah, UU seems like a really solid substitute for the traditional religious community. Shame it isn't more popular.

Not a substitute at all. It would be like getting rid of football, but still wanting people to go to stadiums for the sake of going to stadiums. Football was the reason they went.

The religions bind mostly due to the doctrine of the religion, not the activities of it. UU has no real doctrines and no binding point. Without that doctrine motivating you to do the activities, people just stop or don't bother. This is why secular attempts will mostly fail, because the doctrines they do have tend to be extremely narrow and non-universal, i.e. knowledge worker-style atheism.

Re: All the lonely people

#198

Post by rpgmaker »

jkaljundi wrote: post #97
abraham_s wrote: post #80

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Strangers greeting me on the street was a culture shock when I moved from India to US (to Salt Lake City,UT). Often my brain won't process it in time to return the greeting before the person has passed me. Sometimes I will bungle the reply (saying "same to you" in reply to "Good Morning") or just smile in return or nod. If you have greeted someone on the street and hasn't gotten any response back, please don't take i…

This is how and Estonian or a Finn would feel: http://finnishnightmares.blogspot.com/

A lot of those seem to be pretty universal... http://finnishnightmares.blogspot.com/2016/01/just-browsing....

Re: All the lonely people

#199

Post by Svip »

tunap wrote: post #189
Svip wrote: post #175

Earlier quoted context omitted.

Ah yes, space . But I must confess I once waited in my flat to go outside, because one of my neighbours were in the hall.

If that someone were intellectually, sexually or some-other-way attractive, would you have done the opposite and tried to meet up with them? There are a lot of people in the world, some more interesting than others.

The correct answer is: It depends. Because there have also been times when I went into the hall, fully aware that my neighbours were there. The mood required is one where one has enough energy to interact with people, and that includes ignoring them. But I'll confess - because I am unfortunately human - that attraction is likely to be a factor as well.

Re: All the lonely people

#200

Post by advertising »

theaeolist wrote: post #99
advertising wrote: post #88

In the states I found people will look you in the eye when oassing by and some will say hello. Most will respond back if you say hello or how are you. When I'm in Mexico it's almost rude not greet someone with a customary "buenas dias/tardes/noches" In Japan rarely people will look you in the eye period.

On the other hand, try asking for help on the street in Japan. The level of helpfulness of random people is amazingly high.

Most definitely. Most countries I've found that's true. Save for the last time I was in Paris haha.
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